Marge Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Excuse me, ma'am, don't you think you've gambled enough?

Marge

No.

Okay. We're required by law to ask every 75 hours. Get her another free drink.

Homer

[grabbing Marge] Yer gotta redda kid forrad yarrar!

Marge

Homer, what is it? Slow down!

Homer

[slowly, but still furious] J'yer gedda ferda redderarrar.

Marge

Think before you say each word.

Homer

You broke a promise to your child.

Marge

What?

Homer

You promised Lisa to help her with her costume. You made her cry. Then I cried. Then Maggie laughed -- she's such a little trooper.

Bart

You're right, Mom. I shouldn't let this bother me. I'm in television now. It's my job to be repetitive. My job. My job. Repetitiveness is my job. [to Marge] I'm gonna go out there and give the best performance of my life!

Marge

The best performance of your life?

Bart

The best performance of my life!

Lisa

[to Bart] And now you can go back to just being you, instead of a one-dimensional character with a silly catchphrase.

Homer

[breaking a lamp] D'oh!

Bart

Ay, caramba!

Marge

[groans]

Maggie

[sucks her pacifier]

Flanders

Hi-dilly-ho!

Barney

[belches]

Ha, ha!

Mr. Burns

Excellent.

Lisa

If anyone wants me, I'll be in my room. [She walks away.]

Homer

What kind of catchphrase is that?

Apu, you saved my life. And as a small token of my appreciation, I got you your job back at the Kwik-E-Mart.

Oh! Oh, Mr. Woods, you're--

But as for me, I'm off to battle aliens on a faraway planet.

Marge

That sounds like a good movie.

Yes... yes, a... a movie, yes.

Marge

Mmm, I don't know if that's a good idea to do while you're driving.

Homer

Marge, that's what I bought it for.

Homer

Why do you mock me, Lord?

Marge

Homer, that's not God. That's just a waffle Bart threw up there

Homer

I know I shouldn't eat thee but... [does it anyway] Mmmm, sacril-licious

Homer

Woo hoo! Sold! (Bart takes the money and runs off)

Marge

Those aren't tickets to the game, Homer.

Homer

What do you mean? It says right here: "Free wig with every purchase of large wig. Downtown Wig Center". (screams): Why you little -- (immediately calms down as he sits down and thinks it over): Hmm, free wig.

Homer

Look at this, Marge: $58 and all of it profit! I'm the smartest businessman in the world.

Marge

Stampy's food bill today was $300.

Homer

[scared] Marge, please, don't humiliate me in front of the money.

Lisa

Hey! Mom, Bart's throwing peas!

Marge

Bart, don't throw peas at your sister.

Bart

Mr. Burns throws peas at Smithers. [throws another peas at Lisa]

Lisa

Ow! That was a big one!

Marge

Homer, say something.

Homer

Okay. Lisa, quit getting in the way of your wealthy brother's peas.

Marge

[groans]

Bart

Oh, yuck. Meat loaf. My most hated of all loafs. [feeds his piece to SHL]

Homer

[gasps] That was the end piece! [turns red in anger] That's it! Being abusive to your family is one thing but I will not stand idly by and watch you feed a hungry dog! [point upwards] Go to your room!

Bart

No! This family stinks! Mr. Burns nurtures my destructive side. I'm suffocating here.

Homer

Bart, you listen!

Bart

Oh, go eat some flowers! [tosses flowers at Homer]

Homer

My secret shame.

Mr. and Mrs. Simpson, your son has clearly been brainwashed by the evil and charismatic Mr. Burns.

Marge

Are you sure you can get him back for us?

Absolutely. I'm the one who successfully deprogrammed Jane Fonda, you know.

Marge

What about Peter Fonda?

Oh, that was a heartbreaker. But I did get Paul McCartney out of Wings.

Homer

You idiot! He was the most talented one!

Mr. Burns

People, that was all wrong! Homer Simpson doesn't say "Boh", he says... [Flips through a script to he gets to a page.] Doh!

Sorry, M.B., but I'm having trouble with this character. Is he supposed to have some kind of neurological impairment like Rain Man or Awakenings. I mean, what the hell am I doing here?

And this dialogue has none of the wit and sparkle of Murphy Brown.

[Takes off his mask and smokes his cigar] Hey, you know we are getting into Golden Time.

Mr. Burns

Yes well just get it right, or you'll be back doing Come Blow Your Horn at the Westport Dinner Theatre.

Bart

Mom, what if there's a really bad, crummy guy who's going to jail, but I know he's innocent?

Marge

Well, Bart, your Uncle Arthur used to have a saying: "Shoot 'em all and let God sort them out." Unfortunately, one day he put his theory into practice. It took 75 Federal Marshals to bring him down. Now let's never speak of this again. [she then starts humming and dusting the TV]

Bart

Mom, what if I can get this guy off the hook? Should I do it?

Marge

Honey, you should listen to your heart... and not the voices in your head, like a certain uncle did one gray December morn.

Marge

Homer, you didn't do a very good job frosting Maggie's birthday cake.

Homer

What? It's not Magaggie's birthday?

Homer

Oh... and how is "education" supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine-making course and I forgot how to drive?

Marge

That's because you were drunk!

Homer

And how.