“$pringfield (or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)” · Season 5
In this episode: Homer Simpson (3), Waylon Smithers (3), Marge Simpson (2), Mr. Burns (2), Krusty the Clown (1), Nelson Muntz (1), Kent Brockman (1)
[Homer puts on a pair of horn-rimmed glasses he finds floating in a toilet bowl.]
The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side.
That's a right triangle, ya idiot!
D'oh!
Thank you for visiting our plant, Dr. Kissinger.
It was fun.
We'll let you know if your glasses turn up.
Yes well, I'm sure I left them in the car. [thinking] No one must know I dropped them in the toilet. Not I, the man who drafted the Paris Peace Accords.
Scott, things aren't as happy as they used to be down here at the Unemployment Office, joblessness is no longer just for philosophy majors... now at the risk of sounding unpopular, this reporter places the blame for all of this squarely on you [pointing at the camera] the viewers!
The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother. I call him Gamblor; and it's time to free your mother from his neon claws.
I don't wanna get a sore spot, but can we talk about herpes? Herpes, herpes, bo-berpes, banana fana fo-ferpes! Herpes, OH!! Hey! Y'know that spot on Gorbachev's head? Herpes, trust me! Anybody here have herpes? Huh? Huh? You people are the worst audience I've ever seen!
Yeah, well you're the worse comedian WE'VE ever seen!
Great! Then we'll just sit here silently for the next 90 minutes!
Fine with us! [Krusty then sits down on stage in dismay]
I'm afraid Robert Goulet hasn't arrived yet, sir.
Very well, begin the thawing of Jim Nabors.
Excuse me, ma'am, don't you think you've gambled enough?
No.
Okay. We're required by law to ask every 75 hours. Get her another free drink.
[Bart brings Robert Goulet to his treehouse casino]
Are you sure this is the place? I think I should call my manager.
Your manager says for you to shut up!
[surprised] Vera said that?
[grabbing Marge] Yer gotta redda kid forrad yarrar!
Homer, what is it? Slow down!
[slowly, but still furious] J'yer gedda ferda redderarrar.
Think before you say each word.
You broke a promise to your child.
What?
You promised Lisa to help her with her costume. You made her cry. Then I cried. Then Maggie laughed -- she's such a little trooper.
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