“Secrets of a Successful Marriage” · Season 5
In this episode: Homer Simpson (5), Marge Simpson (4), Bart Simpson (1), Lisa Simpson (1), Reverend Timothy Lovejoy (1), Otto Mann (1), Helen Lovejoy (1)
[Homer and Marge are discussing ways for Homer to better himself.]
Oh... and how is "education" supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine-making course and I forgot how to drive?
That's because you were drunk!
And how.
So, little Lisa, apple of my eye: how are things down at the old schoolhouse?
I find this demeaning and embarrassing beyond my worst nightmares.
[hearty laughter] And how's my little major-leaguer? Catch any junebugs today?
Oh, me and Milhouse took some mail from the mail truck and threw it down the sewer.
[with barely-concealed anger]: Son, I know you meant well, but that wasn't the right thing to do.
What the hell are you talking about? You're the one who double-dared us.
[explodes with anger]: Why you little -- [strangles Bart]
Homer!
I'm outta here!
Me too.
[Bart and Lisa leave]
[as Marge kicks out Homer's class -- and Homer]
All right, we're breaking early tonight, class. For tomorrow, you should read pages seven to 18 in Lisa's diary.
You too.
Huh?
Get out!
But I'm not in a cla-
[Marge angrily pushes Homer onto the ground and slams the door, Otto puts his hand on Homer's shoulder]
Uh, is any of this gonna be on the test? 'Cause I wasn't payin' attention.
[after Marge kicks him out of his house] Oh. Fine. If that's what you want, you've got it. [walks away from his house] This scene is gettin' old, man. I'm hittin' the road. Maybe I'll drop you a line someday from wherever I wind up in this crazy old world. [walks into the streets]
Oh, good. Reverend Lovejoy will make Marge take me back. He has to push the sanctity of marriage, or his god will punish him!
[Immediate cut to Reverend and Mrs. Lovejoy talking with Marge in the living room.]
[flatly] Get a divorce.
Mmm-hmm.
But isn't that a sin?
Marge, just about everything is a sin. You ever sat down and read this thing? Technically, we're not allowed to go to the bathroom.
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