SpongeBob SquarePants Season 3 quotes

I'm no criminal! I live here! I'm...I'm just throwing a party, I got locked out! I swear!

[Pause]

OOrange Officer

Well, why didn't you say so? What a terrible misunderstanding!

OMOfficer O'Malley

You have a nice party now, sir!

Boy, for a second there, I thought I was going to be arrested for breaking into my own house! What an ironic twist that would have been.

OOrange Officer

HEY!

[yelps]

OOrange Officer

Wait a second. If you're throwing a party... why weren't we invited?!

[stammers] But, I... you, uh, I didn't know... The Plan Your Own P-party Kit did-didn't mention the police!

OMOfficer O'Malley

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, motor-mouth, tell it to the judge. [handcuffs SpongeBob, but the cuffs are broken] Oh no, these cuffs are broken.

OOrange Officer

Huh, we can't bring him in in broken cuffs. I got an old pair in the car we can use.

[SpongeBob is being taken to the car in a pillory]

Is it too late to offer you some punch?

OMOfficer O'Malley

Sir, you have the right to remain silent.

I understand.

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[blows his harmonica first, then sings as he plays his one-man-band] OH! Scurvy ain't for the likes of me, Yo Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho... OOOH! Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho.... OH... Scurvy ain't for the likes of me-

Uh… It’s time for your flute solo.

Thank you, Potty, I almost forgot... [suddenly realizes] Wait a minute. I don't play a flute. I play a fife. [realizes he's holding a lit stick of dynamite] AAAH! Potty, no! [explodes]

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S3 E14Ugh (aka SpongeBob B.C.)

Like I was saying, prehistoric times were the greatest. It was a simpler time with simpler pleasures. Your clothes always match. [cut to him with a paintbrush] You can draw on the walls and nobody would yell at ya. [holds up a club] It was much easier to hit a baseball. Oh yeah, prehistoric times were the best.

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KMr. Krabs

[to a whimpering SpongeBob] SpongeBob! What's wrong?

I don't know, Mr. Krabs. But I've got the strangest feeling that somewhere a pirate and a parrot are arguing about me...[close up on his scared face] and the parrot is winning!

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Hooray. It looks like our prehistoric pals have just discovered fire, but they will soon learn that when you play with fire, you may get burned. Stay tuned. [cut back to Patchy, who is laughing hysterically]

I told you prehistoric times were fun! Hey! How's about I teach you kids how a caveman makes a fire with [holds up two sticks] two sticks? [rubs them together] Yeah... Doesn't get any cooler than that, huh? Chalk one up for Patchy! [a "I" is chalked up on the wall below a sign reading "Prehistory"] Rubbing... [he pants. Nothing is happening, and he eventually gives up] I guess this is a type of wood that doesn't burn. [a laser shoots through and lights the two sticks on fire, startling Patchy] Potty! [we see Potty with a laser cannon on his back]

[squawk] Laser technology. Score one for the future. [cut to the digital screen next to the prehistory chalk labeled "The Future." The score goes from "00" to "01"]

Well, I have something that you'll never find in your little [air quotes] future: a real live caveman. Hmm... [the caveman walks in from behind] Hey, there he is! Come on in, big troglodyte fella. Come on… [the caveman is very slowly approaching] You see kids, I found him frozen in a block of ice and then I spent three days thawing him out with my mom's hair dryer. I call him Cavey. [the caveman approaches the camera, and recoils in horror. Patchy chuckles] Isn't he something? It's OK, Cavey. [another "I" is chalked up for "Prehistory"]

That's nothing, old timer. Make way for the future. [a door swings up and a robot named X-29488 enters the room]

X2X-29488

Greetings. I am the X-29488. How may I serve you? ["The Future" score goes from "01" to "02"; beat]

Where do you keep getting all this stuff!?

Never you mind, pops. Let's go see what Cavey thinks. [squawks. Cavey slowly approaches the robot, and touches it. The robot's eyes start flashing red. A siren goes off]

X2X-29488

Attack! Attack! [Cavey starts to run off and the robot gives slow chase, shooting lasers at him. For every shot, "The Future" score keeps going up]

Potty! You're ruining me caveman show!

X2X-29488

Attack! Attack! [the robot continues to shoot lasers. Cut to the exterior, which is rumbling]

Will Patchy ever get control of the special? [cut to SpongeGar, mesmerized by the fire] What will SpongeBob do with fire? [cut to the SpongeBob B.C. screen] Stay tuned to SpongeBob SquarePants B.C. and find out.

[Fade on a black screen. After the commercial break, we cut back to Patchy's cave house, the house still rumbling.]

Welcome back to SpongeBob SquarePants B.C. Sounds like things have gone from bad to worse for Patchy. Let's watch. [inside, the robot is still firing lasers, and Cavey throws a giant rock at him. Patchy is huddled behind the couch. Potty watches with a soda and popcorn]

[squawk] This is great.

Ahoy, glad you're back. [ducks a laser] Let's watch the rest of SpongeBob B.C. while I get things straightened out around here. Whoa! [ducks as a giant rock falls on him. He comes up dazed] Or... maybe not. [collapses. Cut back to the freeze frame of Sponge, Pat, and Squog]

When we last saw our hungry troglodytes, they just discovered fire. How long will it take for them to mess it up? Let's see.

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Well, Potty, I guess you were right. The future is cool.

Just when to show you, there's no hard feelings and I got you a present from prehistoric times.

Oh, what is it, a new loincloth?

No.

An enlarged forehead?

No.

Oh, what is it?

[Potty opens the door, revealing a T-rex, which growls at Patchy. Patchy shouts, his eyes bugging out, and he runs out. The T-Rex gives chase.]

Potty! [continues hollering as he runs off]

[watches from the window with popcorn and a soda, squawk] This is great.

[The dinosaur has grabbed Patchy, who shouts. Patchy is on his side, his feet inside the t-rex's jaws]

[hollering, then stops] Well, thanks for watching SpongeBob B.C., kids. Bye! [continues hollering, then laughing] Now he's tickling. Cut it out, you rascal! [continues laughing]

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S3 E19The Sponge Who Could Fly

[The scene opens up in front of Nickelodeon Animation Studios in Burbank, California, where a security guard is standing by the gate]

Narrator

Last week, a never-before-seen episode of SpongeBob SquarePants was discovered under a desk at Nickelodeon Studios. [black and white footage of a large crowd of excited people is shown] Now all the world is waiting in fevered anticipation to watch... [the title appears on screen] the SpongeBob SquarePants Lost Episode. [an aerial shot of the town of Encino appears] Now, to present the Lost Episode, from Encino, California, the president of the SpongeBob SquarePants fan club, Patchy the Pirate. [inside his house, Patchy is inside the shower, humming; Potty flies up]

Patchy, Patchy, the kids are here. [flushes the toilet]

Wagh! [opens the curtain in panic] Hot! Hot! Hot! Potty, don't you know this is Patchy's private time? [looks at the camera] Oh, hello. Dahh! [covers himself with the curtain] What are you all doing here?

They're here to see the lost episode. Brawk!

But I haven't got the lost episode because I... well, I lost it. [breaks down sobbing]

CChildren

[off-screen] No, Patchy, please! Don't say that, Patchy. Please!

But it is. It's lost and I have no idea where it is, so it's best if you forget all about old SpongeBob. [shuts the curtain and wails. Cuts to a montage of SpongeBob's greatest moments]

I don't believe I lost "The Lost Episode". [screws in his peg leg] I never lose anything.

Hey, it's a map. It's a map to the lost episode of "SpongeBob" I lost.

[grabs the popcorn] This is gonna be great. [a countdown, starting at ten, appears on the screen] I can't believe it, more SpongeBob. [starts eating the popcorn; the countdown makes its way down to five] This is so exciting! [laughs, shaking the popcorn, which flies everywhere; the countdown ends] Here it comes.

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["Walk Cycles" begins on the TV screen; SpongeBob is walking down the road while techno music plays in the background; his body squishes up, then returns to normal; then, his body extends and his arms flail around; he returns to normal, then squishes up three times, shrinking smaller and smaller, in synchronization with the music; extends his body again; once again, squishes up smaller and smaller in synchronization with the music; extends his body again; starts running frantically while sweating and looking left to right; extends his body, this time with his tongue sticking out and flailing around; begins frantically running again; his limbs and body separate and his eyes pop out of his head; begins walking normally again; "Walk Cycles" ends; color bars appear on the TV, along with a beeping noise; Patchy and Potty stare blankly for a moment]

That's it? That's the Lost Episode? That was just a bunch of cheap walk cycles!

What a rip. [This makes Patchy very angry.]

[enraged] SpongeBob betrayed us! [disposes all of his SpongeBob merchandise as he breaks down in tears] I'm sorry I ever started this stupid fan club in the first place. I'm gonna get rid of all my SpongeBob stuff. All of it! All of it! [rips his underwear out of his pants] All of it! I'm gonna run away. That's what I'll do! Run away! [sobs as he runs out through the door]

Jeez, what a hothead!

AAnnouncer

And now the real Lost Episode.

[noticing the countdown is going to start] Patchy, come back, there's more.

[realizes] Really? [goes back inside the house and reverses everything he did, then he sits back down] Hooray! Let's watch.

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[puts on his safety glasses; turns into a spring and bounces after the jellyfish; stops in midair and looks down] Huh? [stretches out and starts falling downward, now in normal form] [screams and hits the ground] Ooh! [separates into nine smaller SpongeBobs. Eight of them panic in a circle and then join back together. The ninth SpongeBob then passes by laughing, which SpongeBob catches and places in an open space on his backside; wipes the sweat off his forehead] Phew! I salute you, old majestic jellyfish. [salutes a jellyfish that buzzes over his head] Your command of the sky is unmatched. Floating just out of the reach of my net, but near enough that I can see your untamed beauty. [a jellyfish floats up and down above SpongeBob's palm; music begins to play as a microphone lowers in front of him; he clears his throat] ♪If only I could join you there in the air. Floating free without a care. I wish I could fly. And see things with a different eye.♪ [SpongeBob's two eyes combine into one big eye; the camera zooms into it and his pupil becomes him flying through the sky] ♪I would fly so very high and touch the sky.♪ [flies through a cloud] ♪And never have to ask why it is that I can't fly--♪ [the blue sky backdrop turns back into Jellyfish Fields, and SpongeBob falls to the ground; he gets up] Wait a minute. I'm forgetting the words of Grandpa SquarePants. [a thought cloud appears above SpongeBob's head; SpongeBob's grandfather is inside of it]

Grandpa SquarePants

If we were meant to fly, we'd have propellers on our heads or jet engines on our backs. [the cloud disappears]

[snaps] I'm gonna follow his advice, by gum. I'll invent a flying machine.

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What's so funny?

Well, it's like my grandpa used to say. [a thought cloud appears over his head; Grandpa SquarePants is inside it again]

Grandpa SquarePants

If we were meant to fly... [notices Patrick] Hey, I'm not your grandfather! [pokes Patrick in the head with his cane; the thought cloud disappears]

Well, here I go, Patrick! [runs to the front] I'm off to fly with the jellyfish! Ignition, check! [spins the propeller around] Landing gear... [kicks the tire] check! Complimentary peanuts... [holds up a bag of peanuts] check-a-rooni. [hops into the cockpit, now with a hat and glasses on] Ready for takeoff! [pushes a handle forward; the plane starts up, then comes to pieces; the propeller spins through the air and slices through a grain silo next to the farm; sand pours out of it and covers him and Patrick]

You cut a hole in Farmer Jenkins' grain silo!

Don't remind me.

JJenkins

[runs up] I knew no good would come from city folk and their flying machines. Now git! [Patrick and SpongeBob run away]

We better do what he says. He knows how to grow food!

Okay.

Go! [Patrick starts pedaling; lifts up off the bucket he is standing on and flies through the air] It's working! I'm flying! [flies past three fish on the side of the road]

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LLou

Hey... I know you. Yeah, from today's paper! [holds up a newspaper with a picture of SpongeBob on the front page and the headline "Local Nutcase Tries to Fly"]

"Local nutcase tries to fly"?! I'm a nutcase because I follow my dreams? Well, they laughed at the guy who invented light bulbs, too!

FFish

No, they didn't.

[eyes widen] You'll see.

[walks outside, and past Monroe and his Mother]

Look, mom, it's the Bird Man of Bikini Bottom.

MMother

Wow! I wonder why he's still using his legs!

Come on, Bird Man. Flap your wings and fly! [makes flapping motions; he and Incidental 115 laugh cruelly; SpongeBob walks away, only to encounter many other fish]

CFCap Fish

Hey, Bird Man, going to check on your eggs?

NNancy

Maybe he's looking for a statue to poop on.

[steps in front of SpongeBob and starts flapping his arms and making chicken noises; a crowd of fish around him laughs]

Go on and laugh, but it is a sad day in Bikini Bottom when a guy is ridiculed for having dreams! [two fish holding babies stand to the side of him]

M2Mother #2

You think you're the only one with unfulfilled dreams?

Sandals

I was supposed to be a concert pianist... until I realized I didn't have any fingers. [looks at his hands]

NNat

We all had dreams.

NNancy

What makes you so special? [the crowd of fish turns into an angry mob, along with pitchfork and torches]

MMob

Let's get him!

[the mob chases him; he starts panting, then stops] Huh? [camera zooms out to reveal SpongeBob just stepped off the edge of a cliff and he screams]

NNat

Good riddance, dreamer!

[screams as he lands in a Mud Removal truck] Ooh! [the truck makes a sharp turn and SpongeBob falls out, covered in mud; while falling] Well, it can't get any worse. D'oh! [lands in a Feather Delivery truck; sticks his head up, which is now covered with feathers] I guess I spoke too soon.

[Note: television version only] [the scene freezes] Will SpongeBob learn to fly? Stay tuned.

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[A crowd of fish is searching for SpongeBob.]

CFCap Fish

SpongeBob!

Hey SpongeBob!

SpongeBob!

[hiding behind a rock] If I don't give these feverish favor-seekers the slip, I'll never get to fly with the jellyfish. [quietly flies away]

Hey! There he is! [SpongeBob flies faster] He's getting away!

No! He owes us favors!

Get him!

[The angry crowd chases after him, into Downtown Bikini Bottom; while SpongeBob flies past the buildings in a straight line, the crowd runs up and down each building; they stop at a cliff, before Jellyfish Fields; SpongeBob keeps flying.]

I'm almost at Jellyfish Fields. I'm gonna make it!

JJohnson

He's headed for Jellyfish Fields! We'll never catch him now!

CJCannonball Jenkins

[off-screen] I'll take care of this!

CCrowd

It's Cannonball Jenkins!

CJCannonball Jenkins

[inside a lit cannon, wearing a red helmet and suit; launches out of the cannon and toward SpongeBob; he collides with him, and SpongeBob's inflatable pants explode; the two hurtle toward the ground; SpongeBob falls even further as Cannonball Jenkins opens up a red parachute] I told you nothing good would come from city folk and their flying machines! [the crowd watches as SpongeBob crashes to the ground; they walk over]

What have we done? [starts to cry] Come on, everybody! I think a proper burial is in order. [picks up the pants] A pair of pants like these come around... once in a lifetime. [the crowd leaves; SpongeBob, now in his underwear, regains consciousness]

Well, it was fun while it lasted. [walks up to Jellyfish Fields, then walks away] I guess I'm not meant to fly after all. [sighs; starts to raise up in the air; a group of jellyfish are below him, carrying him up] Huh? Hey! My jellyfish friends are helping me fly! Without pants! I guess it just goes to show... [the jellyfish carry him back to Bikini Bottom] ♪You don't need a plane to fly♪ [Incidental 41 looks out the window at him] ♪Plastic wings may make you cry♪ [a flock of scallops fly by] ♪Kites are made for windy days. Lawn chair with balloons... fly away♪ [the crowd of fish bury SpongeBob's pants as the mourn over them] ♪Inflatable pants... you may as well skip!♪ [arrives at his home; the jellyfish put him back on the ground] ♪If you want to fly, all you need... is friendship. Yeah.♪ [the jellyfish buzz away; waves] Goodbye, jellies! You taught me a valuable lesson. Although I'm not quite sure what it was.

[walks up] Hey! Let's fly down to the pizza house for a slice.

No more flying for me, Patrick. I'll leave that to the jellyfish. [opens his door]

Suit yourself. [lifts up his arm and flies]

[turns back around] Did Patrick just...? [laughs] Nah! [enters his house again, but opens the door one last time, just to make sure]

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[last lines]

No! [trying to stop the VHS tape reel from spitting out of the VCR] Stop, stop! Go back, infernal machine! [tangled up in black tape reels, television statics and Mariachi band members approach him] Oh, no. I've ruined the Lost Episode! Now it's lost forever!

[squawks] Lost forever!