SpongeBob SquarePants · Season 12
[customers in the Krusty Krab are eating slowly, and making noises while doing so, which gets Squidward more and more angry with each noise. A customer burps which pushes Squidward to his breaking point]
AAAH! ANOTHER ROTTEN DAY AT THE KRUSTY KRAB! Not that anyone's listening.
[Scene cuts to Larry's Gym, where Mr. Krabs arm-wrestles and defeats other tough fish like Reg and the Popeye fish. Plankton hops onto the table, in front of Mr. Krabs.]
I want a rematch, Krabs!
[dismisses Plankton] Boring. [shrugs] But whatevs.
[pretends to be in pain, clutching his hand] Oh no, not a hand cramp! Not now! [smugly] Luckily I have a last-minute substitution, standing by. [takes a deep breath and blows a whistle]
[The ground rumbles and the Chum Bucket glove punches a hole into Larry's Gym. The glove then flicks the tough fish away with his fingers and makes its way to the wrestling table, about to wrestle with Mr. Krabs. Scene cuts to Larry the Lobster holding the mallet to ring the bell, but he faints onto the bell causing it to ring. The match between Mr. Krabs and the glove begins, and he struggles to defeat the glove.]
[groaning in pain] Eeeh – oh, oh – oh — [Plankton is seen with an evil grin on his face, while Mr. Krabs continues to struggle] Any... last... words?
[blows the whistle and the glove hoists Mr. Krabs up in the air] Just one... Sucker! [laughs maniacally while Mr. Krabs trembles in fear]
[The glove spins Mr. Krabs in the air and whacks him on the floor, causing a hole to form.]
[regains consciousness] Huh –? [shadow forms above him] No, no, no, no, no, no —
[The other tough fish fall above Mr. Krabs as the glove gathers them all into the hole on the floor. Plankton hops on top of the glove.]
[raises arms in victory] Ta-daah! Let's give a big hand to the new champion! [applauds; then takes a deep breath and blows the whistle] Okay, move it, filthy fingers! [rides glove like a horse straight to the Krusty Krab]
[SpongeBob sits quietly for a little while. He whistles the closing theme to himself to pass the time while noticing two customers eating their Krabby Patties and Squidward snoring. SpongeBob looks at the table and gasps when he sees a spot on it. He opens his face, grabs a cleaning spray and a rag and attempts to clean it.]
[appears below the table] SpongeBob! What are you doing?!
Uh, I just spotted a spot.
You can't work on your break, boy-o! Period! Remember the fines?
[overhears it and gets real angry] I knew it! I've had my eye on you for years, Krabs! Oh, this violation is really gonna cost you! [looks through his list of fines given for the Krusty Krab] Hmm...
[yelps] Oh, I can see we're gonna have to take drastic measures here.
Just wait 'til you see what I've done to your restaurant. [pulling the wheelchair and headed to the Krusty Krab and looks around him and his customers] Nothing. Is it great? Everything's just how you left it. Whenever we have a problem around here, I ask myself what would Mr. Krabs do. [turns Mr. Krabs' wheelchair and makes Mr. Krabs dizzy] And I do that! I even hired a new fry cook since I'm too busy being the boss now. [turns Mr. Krabs' wheelchair to see the new fry cook] Just like you would have done.
[Mr. Krabs makes weird angry sounds and Patrick wearing SpongeBob's pants and spatula is in his bellybutton and put it back and he tried to eat a patty]
Don't worry, I taught him everything I know. [turns Mr. Krabs' wheelchair and makes Mr. Krabs dizzy again]
[Patrick puts the spatula in his mouth and grabs the ketchup. He puts the spatula back in his hand, and the spatula is drooling. He then flips the ketchup with the spatula and puts it on the grill, but the grill is burning, and the ketchup is about to explode. Squidward is reading his book while his shift. Then, his face, part of his book, and one of the windows are covered with ketchup.]
Order up! [Squidward gets very angry]
You'll have a better view of my managerial magic from over here. [turns Mr. Krabs' wheelchair and makes Mr. Krabs dizzy again]
[looking around while the Krusty Krab languishes in a state of disaster] What do I do?! What do I do?! What do I do?!
[Mr. Krabs becomes enraged, while SpongeBob pulls his face in a mixture of nervousness and panic.]
[shouting] EVERYBODY STOOOOOOOP!!!
[All the customers froze in place.]
Mr. Krabs! You're all better! Sorry I let you down. All I wanted was to be a good boss, just like you!
Oh well, there is no need to get your sails in a twist about it boy. Nobody's just like me, especially you. Besides, you saved me months in that there body cast. If it weren't for the rage I felt watching you destroy me restaurant, I woulda never forced me body to heal so quickly!
Oh, so in a way, I’ve done good, huh?
Oh no! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Not even close! You were the worst boss ever! I’m gonna have to dock your pay for decades, just to cover all the damage you caused! [laughs and turns on fan as he walks away]
SpongeBob: Oh, thanks Mr. Krabs! [spins along with the fan] You're the best boss everrrrrr!!!!!
I think you better go home and clean up.
[whinny] But I haven't had my first ice cream break!
I'll give you another chance tomorrow. If it doesn't work out, I'm afraid you're fired... [clears throat] in a most appreciative way.
[Plankton floats into Squidward's bed and possesses it like a puppet. The bed turns green and the box spring turns into Plankton's head. Plankton's eye appears about Squidward. Plankton shakes the bed and chuckles evilly as Squidward begins to wake up.]
[screams] Who's there? Ohh, is that you, SpongeBob? [gets up and gets drenched on by green ectoplasm]
[Squidward removes his blindfold and becomes freaked out by the ectoplasm. Suddenly, the box spring forms into a giant mouth and makes an evil laugh. Squidward becomes so scared that his skin turned white. He tries to escape, but Plankton pulled him under the covers. Squidward releases himself from the covers and hides in the drawers.]
[writing down on his clipboard] Oooh. Monster mouth with a bucket of ghost goo—very good marks. [chuckles] Nice haunt, swabby!
[comes out of the drawer with his clarinet and pants heavily] Oh, what a terrible nightmare. Oh, thanks for being here, Clarry. You'll keep the monsters away. [inhales and blows horrible music out through his clarinet]
[Squidward's clarinet playing drives Plankton and the Flying Dutchman crazy. Plankton floats over to Squidward and grabs the clarinet.]
Give me that!
Clarry!
[Squidward and Plankton get into a tug-o-war with the clarinet. Plankton turns into a ghostly SpongeBob and scares Squidward, whose eyes pop out and scream. Squidward runs out of the drawers and gets hit in the head when he crashed into the ceiling. Squidward falls down to the floor and is knocked out unconscious. Plankton throws the clarinet away and changes back.]
Hey, I picked something up! I can pick things up! [picks up a vase and drops it]
Look at you. You skipped ahead to the last lesson! [pulls out a mallet]
It's okay. You don't have to— [gets hit by the mallet]
[The real Mr. Krabs, still without his shell, is going back into his house, trying to make sure no one sees him as he does so.]
Haha! I made it! [suddenly, the lights turn on]
Ew, Daddy! [Pearl's friends are having a slumber party] You're naked and ruining my cheerleader's slumber party! [she covers her eyes, as Mr. Krabs screams and tries to cover himself]
[cheerleading] Hey, hey, hey, Mr. K! We don't want to see your booty today!
[Mr. Krabs screams and runs upstairs and looks for something to wear.]
Okay, I know that spare is in here somewhere. [rummages through his wardrobes and finds a shirt] Aha! [the shirt is too small] Ew, haven't worn this one in a while. Eh, well it'll just have to do. I'm coming, me precious Puff! [runs out the door, only to be spotted by Pearl and her friends again, who scream]
DADDY!
[while knocking on the door] Barnacles! Open up, yo- you- Huh. Aha! [Mr. Krabs laughs and grunts while going through the mail slot. Then, he falls into a puddle. Mr. Krabs notices an open window and climbs towards it; muttering] Ugh, and I told him to check the windows, didn't I?
[on the phone] Patrick, you've gotta come over to Krabs' place. Someone's trying to break in! [Patrick mumbles] Uh, SquarePants. [Patrick mumbles again] SpongeBob SquarePants. [Patrick mumbles again] No, you're Patrick! [a realistic close-up of SpongeBob's face] Please hurry.
[Mr. Krabs keeps climbing towards the window. Then, he notices Patrick jumping in puddles with his boots.] Huh? Patrick? What's that pink clown doing here? Eh, who cares? SpongeBob will never open the door for him.
[Patrick gets to the door] Beep, beep, [Patrick removes his boots] beep.
Great horn spoon! How's he doing that?
[Patrick puts his butt through the mail slot while SpongeBob pulls from the other side of the door. They both crash into the wall.]
[laughs] Thank goodness you don't have any bones, buddy.
Nope, all blubber. [close-up on Patrick while he laughs]
I said, BE QUIET OR I'M CALLING THE-- Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa! [Squidward's house falls and crumbles to bits]
[amazed by the reflection] Whoa, those dudes are huge! I wonder what they lift. [hits Bubble Bass slightly with his elbow]
[notices the reflection and drops his drink in fear] Those aren't dudes. They're giant monsters! [screaming] EVERYBODY PANIC!!!!!!!!!!!! [the three start panicking and run around in circles, Louie is biting SpongeBob, and their ruckus causes the lighthouse to start rocking. At the same time, Mrs. Puff is still listening and rocking to the rock music, unaware of what's going on outside. The lighthouse tips over and rolls out of the boating school. Larry, Bubble Bass, and the small fish are still panicking until they see that the reflection is gone]
[happy] Those buff monsters have vanished! [hugs the other two] We're saved! [he and the other two hear some noise, and realize the lighthouse is coming their way]
We're doomed! [gets out his drink and starts walking across the sidewalk away from the lighthouse, while the other two runoff in a different direction. The lighthouse runs over him, causing him to get submerged into the sidewalk with his posterior sticking out] My cheeks!
[Bikini Bottom News plays, showing Perch Perkins having an interview with Fred about the lighthouse.]
Can you please tell our viewers the cause of this destruction?
[frightened] It was a lighthouse. It rolled through town, destroying everything in its path! [pants] A lighthouse! [goes on his knees and starts crying]
[shocked] My goodness. Were you or YOUR LEGS injured by this insane lighthouse?
[sad and kicks a rock] No.
[angry along with the others in the mob] Puff! Your blasted lighthouse destroyed the whole town! [becomes sad] And me restaurant!
[shocked] My lighthouse?!
What are you going to do about it?!
[puts on her headphones, turns on her radio, and starts rocking again] Talk to the fin! [The snails come out of the box, and rock with her as well as the episode ends]
Gal Pals, we have to save SpongeBob!
[whimpering] Gal Pals. [The girls break through the front door to rescue SpongeBob. But, to their relief and surprise, the old lady turns out to be a sales lady giving SpongeBob pinecones on a stick.]
Wow! [the old lady gives SpongeBob a pinecone on a stick] Ooh, another pinecone on a stick! I love it. [takes it and gets another one from the old lady] Wow! [takes another pinecone on a stick] I'm gonna get one of these for each of the Gal Pals.
[confused] Huh?
[laughs in relief] It's only a cabin-to-cabin country sales lady. Not Flibberty Gibbet at all.
[off-screen] Did someone say my name? [the girls turn and see her for real this time] Hi, gals!
Flibberty Gibbet! [scream in horror as they run out of the cabin and into the woods]
I—I just wanted to say all's forgiven!
[follows the girls] Hey, wait! You'll need my lucky peanut!
Gal Pals! [crash onto the screen] [The words "The End" is shown and the episode ends.]
Oh, the Chum Bucket's the only place in town still selling chum, but I can't go crawling to Plankton for help. No, I won't. I got too much pride for that. [cuts to Mr. Krabs invading Plankton's trash can, looking for some chum] Oh, come on, there's gotta be some chum in here somewhere!
[comes out with a flashlight] Hello? [Mr. Krabs hides behind the trash can] Who's out there?
[comes out with a bat] All right, miscreant, come over here where I can destroy you! [swings the bat around, but gets crushed by it]
[Mr. Krabs attempts to escape, but Karen catches him.]
Krabs??
What are you doing here? [crawls out from under his bat]
Nothing, nothing! I, uh, [takes the shoe out of his mouth] lost my shoe! See? Found it. [laughs] Okay, bye. [his stomach growls loudly]
[suspiciously] Hold it. What's going on with you, Krabs? Your clothes are a mess and your stomach's making strange noises.
[wears the shoe] What are you talking—I'm... [stammers until he gives in] Oh, fine! [throws away the shoe] I'm hooked on chum, okay?!
Say what?! [his skeleton falls out in shock]
Look at me now! Digging through garbage for scraps! [sobs uncontrollably]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's SpongeBob SquarePants pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
