TV show quotes
Howdy, Patrick!
[finally turns around] Hi, Sandy! [notices the giant chocolate balloon, then is confused and speaks gibberish]
Happy Valentine's Day, Patrick! [Patrick jumps for joy and jumps on the balloon]
Yay! My valentine! Hey, is this solid chocolate?
Patrick, no! [Patrick bites the balloon and chocolate explodes everywhere. SpongeBob and Patrick are in the mess and Patrick forgets his anger]
Aw, SpongeBob... you didn't have to get me anything.
Take it, SpongeBob! Take it, please! And promise me no matter how much I may beg, and plead, and cry... don't give that paper back to me, EVER!
Well, you can't play music with a piece of paper. [plays 'Mary Had a Little Lamb' off-key. Little black musical note symbols fall out of the clarinet]
[applauding] Hooray! Hooray! That was great, Squidward. All those wrong notes you played made it sound more original.
What? I didn't play any wrong notes. [plays the song off-key again]
Yeah, see, you're playing it like this... [plays his piece of paper as the clarinet with the note symbols coming out] ...When ordinarily it goes like this. [plays the song on-key] I'm partial to doing it in the key of A-minor myself. [plays the song in high notes. A music sheet appears] Ah, nothing like a duet between buddies, eh, Squidward?
Wait, more impressions! A guy [angrily] throwing a piece of paper on the ground! [throws it on the ground] A guy stomping on the piece of paper [stomps on the paper, then picks it up and is upset] I'm a guy who traded everything he owns for a...
[walks up to Squidward chewing gum] A worthless piece of paper. [grabs the paper] Hey, thanks, it's just what I needed, Squidward. [blows a gum bubble then puts the gum on the piece of paper and throws it behind him in the garbage can. Then he walks away, towards SpongeBob's house] Nice shirt, SpongeBob. [laughs]
[The wind whistles.]
Anybody have any sunscreen? [The episode ends with a fade out to black.]
Where could they be? They shoulda been here hours ago! Aargh, not a customer in sight. If I don't make any money today, I'll surely break out in a rash!
[offscreen] Yipee! I'm rich! Look, Patrick! Eight gold doubloons!
Wait! I saw it first! [leaps through the air and lands on the table where SpongeBob and Patrick are playing a game] Mine! Mine! [realizing] Huh?
Boy, Mr. Krabs, you sure are sweaty.
[SpongeBob and Patrick are stranded in Rock Bottom]
It sure is weird around here. Kind of different. Even the soil looks different. [scoops up a handful of soil]
Would you [blows raspberry] mind [blows raspberry] putting me down? [SpongeBob shakes it off as he gasps]
SpongeBob, I don't like it here. It's dark and scary. I don't wanna be here. I wanna go home. Look, I can't even tell the bathrooms apart! [bathroom doors have the "?" on one door and the "¿" on the other]
Uhh, that's an easy one, Patrick. We just wait for somebody to come out and then you'll know. [Incidental 200 comes out the "¿" door. Patrick gasps] Maybe we should wait for one more. [Incidental 214 comes out of the "?" door. Incidentals 222, 204, and 201 come out the "¿" door]
I still can't read the sign! I wanna go home!
I guess Grandpa SquarePants was right. Never run for a bus [imitates Grandpa SquarePants] especially one that's going up at a 90-degree angle.
[After Sandy sings a song about returning to her home, Texas]
Do you think she knows the muffin man song?
Patrick, she sang that song from her heart. She really misses Texas.
Well, let's get some Texas and bring it down here.
Patrick, we can't-- [comes with an idea] That's it! Patrick, your genius is showing.
[frantically covers himself] Where?
But it's becoming increasingly obvious. I can deny it no longer! I am small.
[SpongeBob hears crying from Plankton, who's sitting on a bench with two strawberry ice creams]
Plankton, what are you doing here? And why are you crying?
Oh, hi, SpongeBob. [blows his nose] I'm cryin' because I've got these two ice cream cones, but I only need one! [cries] I don't know what to do with the other one!
[SpongeBob is confused; Plankton cries then stops for a second and looks at SpongeBob and cries again.]
Well, what about an airline food?
What?
Airline food! My gosh, what is up with that stuff? [Showtime fill music appears] Thank you, good night! See, I can be a stand up guy. See?
[finds out that Plankton used him for his evil plan; gasps] "Mega Bucket"?! You used me for land development! That wasn't nice!
Haven't you figured it out, SpongeBob? Nice guys finish last. Only aggressive people conquer the world! [laughs evilly]
Well, what about aggressively nice people?
Huh? What are you doing? [SpongeBob brings out the hot dogs in the hot dog stand, he ate earlier and puts them back where they belong. Then he puts the kites back where they were] Wait, SpongeBob! Stop! [a girl is crying because she has sand on her ice cream. SpongeBob takes it and wipes the sand off with his eyelashes] Butterfly kisses... Can't take it... It's too cute... It's-it's disgusting! [Scooter is crying at his broken surfboard]
What happened? [points to surfboard]
I hit a reef with my new board, dude!
No problem! [shapeshifts into a surfboard]
Whoa! [grabs the surfboard] Killer!
SpongeBob, stop! Before it's too late! Your kindness is bringing everybody back! [everyone comes back] Get back! Wait! [everyone, on their way back to the beach breaks through the construction barriers, trample and squish Plankton underfoot] Ouch! Ow! Ow! No! Ooh!
[is surfing with SpongeBob] Cowabunga! [he and SpongeBob arrive back to shore] Thanks, dude! That was awesome! [just then, Plankton begins straining and weeping]
Gee, Plankton, I'm sorry about the Chum Bucket.
Forget about that. I just can't take so much kindness in one sitting. [bunches up into a ball] NEED... HATRED... [crawls away]
Volleyball, anyone? [everyone uses SpongeBob as the ball] Serve up! [laughs] Ouch! [laughs] Ouch! [laughs] Ouch!
[Gary snoring and meowing]
Wake up, Gary!
[wakes up] Meow?
We're moving today!
[quizzically] Meow? ("We are?")
That's right! We're leaving home. We're going to become peasants! [puts on a hat and a fake beard]
Meow? ("Peasants?")
[takes Gary's bowl away] No more food. [gives Gary a plate with clams on it] Sorry, Gary. Peasants only eat mashed-up clam shells.
[SpongeBob seasons the shells with salt as Gary starts crying.]
SpongeBob [takes off the peasant mask] April Fools! [puts Gary's food bowl back onto the floor] There you go, pal.
Meow.
[goes into the kitchen] Whew, I'm thirsty! [opens the fridge and takes a giant pitcher of lemonade out of it] This is an extreme thirst! [sets the lemonade down on the floor, causing the floor to shake a little]
[Bubble transition to SpongeBob putting all the lemonade into a lot of small glasses with umbrellas.]
[normal voice] Whew, I'm exhausted. I sure can't wait to drink all these drinks! April Fools! [holds up a mirror] To me.
[SpongeBob laughs obnoxiously, leaves his home and goes to work. Squidward sees him walking next to his house.]
What's he so happy about? (I mean, what's today anyhow?) [walks by the calendar and panics when he notices it's...] "April 1st"!? [yells] April Fools Day is SpongeBob's favorite holiday!
Excuse me, can I get a couple of ice cubes in here, please?
Sure! A couple of ice cubes coming up! [walks off and then returns with the drink] Here you go.
Thanks. [drinks his lemonade]
[giggles with every sip, and Tom finishes his drink; laughing] April Fools!
What did you do to my drink?
I-er, I-er...
You what?!?!
You asked for a couple of ice cubes in your drink, and I only put in one! [laughs]
Hey, I guess that is kinda funny.
Ugh, that's it! SpongeBob and his stupid pranks. I'm going to show him what a real prank is all about.
[The bubbles transition to Squidward squirting some mustard inside a rope circle then he chuckles and shows SpongeBob the mess]
Oh, boy! Something for me to clean up. [starts cleaning it and Squidward is standing next to a rope which he is about to cut]
April Fools! [laughs as he cuts the rope which grabs SpongeBob]
Whoa! [the rope sends him into some bags of flour. Squidward is laughing through all of this and rolls on the floor. Then SpongeBob is taken around a bar] Whoa! Blblblblblblbl... [yells as he is sent slamming face-first into the wall]
Oh, no!
[Squidward's eyes pop out as he laughs hysterically. SpongeBob flies into Bubble Bass' rear]
Whoa! [The scene cuts to Squidward cheerleading, laughing, and jumping into the air. Then SpongeBob smashes into the ceiling]
[runs and holds out his arms to catch SpongeBob] I'll catch you, SpongeBob. [giggles to himself. SpongeBob shouts as he plummets toward Squidward, who quickly sets out a garbage can in front of him, and SpongeBob falls into the goop in the can] Oops. [dumps SpongeBob, who is now the shape of the can, out of the garbage can] April Fools, you little sausage. [laughs]
Awww! [starts to cry and runs out of the Krusty Krab]
SpongeBob, I was just kidding. C'mon, c'mon. You guys know I was just kidding... Right?
Aww, man, poor kid.
That guy has definitely got some issues to work out. [the customers angrily glare at Squidward as they begin to leave]
April Fools, jerk. [all the customers storm out the door in disgust as Squidward starts to look upset by their reaction]
Wait, don't go.
Hey, you stink!
Wait, wait, wait. It was a joke! Uh-huh... [looks around at the mess he has made and winces, then he looks at Bubble Bass, who has a hole in his bottom due to the "prank" and Squidward starts to feel ashamed of himself] Why is it whenever I'm having fun, it's wrong? I didn't mean to make him cry. I guess this means I'd better tell SpongeBob I'm sor-eaach. [makes silly face] Huh? I guess this means I'd better apolo- [throat goes haywire] gii! This is gonna be tougher than I thought.
What would we do with Squidward?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's SpongeBob SquarePants pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
