[holds scissors in his right hand a has a puppet on his left hand] SpongeBob, look at my new paper ghost! Oooh, scary.
What’s the difference between that ghost and me?
[concentrates] No, no, no wait. Don't tell me. [concentrates more] D-don't tell me. DON'T TELL ME! DON'T TELL ME! I CAN DO THIS! I CAN DO THIS! DON'T TELL ME! DON'T TELL ME! DON'T TELL ME! Okay, tell me.
I have a square head and a real ghost has a round one. All we have to do is make my head round and boo, I’m scary.
[SpongeBob is now sitting on a chair in his bathroom. Patrick has goggles on.]
[shows paper ghost] Remember, like this.
[razors off SpongeBob’s sides] Are you sure you want to do this?
Shave me down, make me round!
[uses one of SpongeBob’s sides to wipe off sweat from his forehead] Alright, let’s get to it.
[Patrick razors off more of SpongeBob Cut to later, SpongeBob is now a round ghost]
Perfect. Now that’s scary! [Patrick puts on his funny glasses] Let’s go scare somebody.
[after the Flying Dutchman runs away in fear, SpongeBob is shown entirely shaved, exposing his brain] Hey, what do you know? I scared him. [laughs; everyone else runs out of the Krusty Krab, screaming; walking outside with Patrick] It worked, Patrick! I scared everybody!
Yeah, I guess it was your pink hat.
Pink hat? Oh, that's not a hat, that's my brain.
Oh... [runs away shrieking]
[Screen goes to black, ending the episode]
[offscreen] Don't worry, it grows back.
[to SpongeBob] Would you please stop leaving your undergarments on my front lawn?
Squidward, could you watch Gary this weekend?
Not a Gary. Gary. He's my pet snail. [shows Gary to Squidward] Say hello.
[Gary hisses at Squidward and drools]
You actually care for that thing?
Well, I don't. Get somebody else. [walks off]
I guess we can't go away this weekend after all, Patrick.
[stops walking] Go away? [walks in reverse back to SpongeBob's Pineapple] You mean, if I watch Gary, you guys will be gone all weekend?
I hope I never see another snail again. Good night, Clary. [a knock is heard on the door and the doorbell rings] Who could that be? As if I didn't already know. [goes downstairs and answers the front door] SpongeBob, I already told you. You're gonna be just fiiiii-- Hiin...--- AAAUGH?!
[attempts to say "fine", but hesitates and shouts almost hysterically]
[Squidward touches SpongeBob's left eye and it curls up. He screams again and runs back inside shutting the door]
SpongeBob?! Oh, Neptune! What have I done? [picks up the snail plasma syringe] It's all your fault! [throws it away] Okay, okay, okay, okay, get it together, Squidward.
[After Squidward, being stuck in the freezer for 2000 years, appears in the future, the freezer's door falls over with Squidward stuck behind it. A robot descendant of SpongeBob named SpongeTron flies past it, then goes back to Squidward]
SSpongeTron
Holy Krabby Patties! A frozen cephalophod! [SpongeTron grabs a chrome hammer; from the hammer comes a red laser, which melts the ice and hits Squidward's buttocks; Squidward shouts]
[trancelike] I'll be out of here in no time.
SSpongeTron
Greetings, primitive.
SSpongeTron
SpongeBob? No! [robot voice] I am SpongeTron. [normal voice] Welcome to the future!
SSpongeTron
Welcome to the future!
Uh, the future... [notices everything's chrome] Huh?! O-okay, uh, what's going on here? Why is everything chrome?
SSpongeTron
Everything is chrome in the future!
Wha...? [stammers and runs to look outside a window] Oh, my... [notices the chrome environment. The screen pans around the chrome environment] Impossible! He's lying!
[A flower pops up from underground, then a truck comes, Incidental 119 gets out of the truck, runs up to the flower, sprays it with chrome spray paint, then runs back in the truck and drives away. Squidward looks at the screen]
[looks away from the window] He's right!
SSpongeTron
Of course I'm right, Squidward! Just ask my clones: SpongeTrons X, Y, and Z. [Squidward flinches as a trio of SpongeTron clones have suddenly appeared next to them]
Are the other letters of the alphabet involved here?
SSpongeTron
Sure! All 486 of them!
[finding out he's in a blank background with colored-square tiles] He's not here. No more SpongeBob! No more! I may finally have found a place where I can be all alone! [the word "Alone" appears, alongside some word balloons]
[the word balloons saying "alone" became smaller]
I gotta get out of here! [panics, runs] Where's the time machine? Where's everything? Where? [stomps on the floor, falls into the time machine with the lever being fixed] I wanna go home! I wanna go home! I wanna go home! I wanna go home! I miss Bikini Bottom! I miss my Easter Island head! I even miss SpongeBob! [right when Squidward says "SpongeBob," the time machine disappears and reappears in present time Bikini Bottom where SpongeBob and Patrick are still waiting for Squidward in front of his house] SpongeBob! Patrick!
SPSpongeBob and Patrick
Hi, Squidward.
[rushed] I was in the future and then I was in the past, and there was nowhere, and now, I'm back! And...you don't know how happy I am to see you guys.
Does this mean you wanna go...
SPSpongeBob and Patrick
...jellyfishing?
No! Who's the barnaclehead who invented that game anyway?
SPSpongeBob and Patrick
You are, Squidward.
[The scene cuts to the island of Bikini Bottom up above the sea while SpongeBob and Patrick both laugh offscreen]
[offscreen] I'm going back.
[walks up to Gary's dream cloud] This must be Gary's dream. I'm gonna get a closer look. [jumps into the dream cloud. He falls down into a library] Whoa! Wow. Look at all these books. I wonder where Gary is. [walks past a pile of books] Gary! Huh? [sees Gary, who is now taller and wearing a cape, reading a book. He walks up to him] Excuse me, sir. Have you seen...?
[turns around and gasps] SpongeBob?
How dare you invade the sanctity of my dreams!
[sighs] In dreams, one is not tethered by earthly limitations.
Come. [they walk down an aisle of books] For ages, dreams have been thought of as windows to another realm. [picks up a book and reads from it] "Let me not mar that perfect dream by an auroral stain, but so adjust my daily night that it may come again." Emily Dickinson wrote that.
[flips a few pages] Here's one you might know. [clears throat] There once was a man from Peru who dreamed he was eating his shoe. He woke with a fright in the middle of the night to find that his dream had come true.
[laughs] Gee, Gary, you sure are smart.
Did you think my shell was full of hot air?
Well, thanks for the info, Gary. I'm going back to my own dream now. [starts walking away]
Beware of your wandering eye, you little poriferan!
[jumps out of Gary's dream cloud and hops up onto his alarm clock to get into his own; sees Patrick's dream cloud outside the window] I wonder what Patrick's dreaming. [Patrick is stuck to the bottom of his rock, sucking his thumb and snoring. SpongeBob runs over] I can't resist! [laughs and jumps into the dream cloud. Inside, he opens a door to see Patrick rocking back and forth on a 25¢ kiddie ride amidst the blank, white scenery] Hey, Patrick!
[walks over] You know, Patrick, this is a dream. You can do anything you want.
I mean anything! Watch. I can turn into a skyscraper. [transforms into the shape of a skyscraper] Going up! Eh? [sees that Patrick is unresponsive and frowns, then perks up again] I can make... [changes back to his normal shape and size, this time with a million copies of himself] A million of me! Eh? Eh?
Yup. [the SpongeBob clones disappear]
Ah, tartar sauce. I'm going to a different dream. [leaves]
Okay. Bye, SpongeBob. [kiddie ride comes to a halt; Patrick reaches into his pocket and pulls out another quarter and goes to put it in the slot, but accidentally drops it and it rolls away] Oh! [the quarter falls into a sewer grate] Shoot, that was my last quarter. [sits on the ride with a dull gaze]
[screams as he gets shot out of Mr. Krabs' dream cloud and into Plankton's dream on a building. The plunger is stuck onto a building] Hey, Plankton's dreaming about Bikini Bottom.
Zap! [zaps a building near SpongeBob and fish: Incidental 93, Incidental 40, Incidental 86 come running out] I see you. [stomps up to another building, twenty times the size of his normal self] Zap! [shoots a green laser out of his eye]
Plankton! [tries to get himself untied from the rope around his ankle]
I see you... [SpongeBob gets untied and drops to the ground] Zap! [zaps and disintegrates the building that SpongeBob was on, then walks to the Krusty Krab. People continue to: Fred, and Incidental 73 scream in panic] Oh look, it's the Krusty Krab, home of the Krabby Patty. [stomps on it] Crush! [picks up the Krusty Krab sign and starts to lick it as if it was a lollipop and walks off] Lick, lick!
[as he runs around] This isn't a dream! This is a nightmare!
[stops and looks. Appears more and more worried.] Gary! Gary! No!
Meow! [Plankton still coming towards Gary making giant step sounds]
Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.
Gary! [jumps over to Gary and hugs him] I've got you, Gary!
Peek-a-boo! Here comes my foot! [stomps his foot on SpongeBob & Gary] YEAH! Huh? [lifts up his foot] YOW!
[suddenly turns into a pin] I think he’s got the point. [laughs]
[deflates and shrinks] WHOA!
[SpongeBob walks home into his own dream cloud where his real self is still sleeping]
Ah, that was fun and all, but it's good to be back in my own dream cloud. [goes to sleep] Ah... [wakes up after hearing his friends voices and faces hovering around his head]
[his head starts circling SpongeBob] SpongeBob! [the heads of Mr. Krabs, Sandy, Gary, Plankton, Pearl and Patrick start surrounding SpongeBob]
HSHeads of SpongeBob's friends
SpongeBob!
[tossing and turning in his sleep] What do you want from me? Leave me alone! No, no... No, no, no, no, no, no! [Squidward nudged and tapped SpongeBob and he wakes up]
[screams, then sees his friends stand around his bed, except Patrick] Hey, what are you all doing in your pajamas? Are we having a slumber party?
[Scene now shows Squidward, Mr. Krabs, Sandy, Gary, Plankton, and Pearl, who all look angry at SpongeBob.]
No. We are not having a slumber party!
Do us all a favor, SpongeBob, and stay out of our dreams!
AEAll except Patrick
[grumble in agreement]
Don't we get enough of you during the day?
[walks in] Does anyone have a quarter? [all stare at Patrick]
Dr. Patrick, could you call Sandy for me? [gives Patrick the phone]
Sure, patient SpongeBob! [Patrick calls Sandy, who is about to head out for SpongeBob's place] Hello, Sandy?
I'm calling on behalf of my patient, SpongeBob.
I'm on my way over to take him to the hospital.
Uhh, uhh, that will no longer be required! He is in my care as of today.
Well, I'm coming over to take a look. I'll be over there faster than a barefoot jackrabbit on a hot-
Oh, yeah, yeah, the rabbit. Don't bother, Sandy! [hangs up] SpongeBob, quick, Sandy's coming! We gotta make sure you're well, or she'll take ya to the doctor! [runs to the kitchen with rubber gloves on and dips them into the sink of water] Don't touch me, I'm sterile!
Patrick, you open this door. [Patrick is rolling SpongeBob away] Patrick, sometimes I just don't understand you. [SpongeBob sneezes] Hey! [walks over to Patrick's house] Okay, Patrick, where's SpongeBob?
Uhh, uhh, he's not here at the moment. Please leave a message after the beep. Beep.
Okay, now tell me, [shows two rocks] since when do you have two houses?
Since I ran out of space to put my stuff.
Uh-huh, yeah. Since when does your house have feet? [SpongeBob's feet are sticking out of the other rock]
This is my mobile home. [SpongeBob sneezes the rock off]
[holding SpongeBob's hand] Hmmm, the dirt therapy seems to be working just fine.
Patrick, SpongeBob has to see a real doctor.
No, he doesn't! I'm taking good care of him! Show her, SpongeBob! Say 'ahh'.
Ahh... [exhales a green gas that kills all the plants, clams, and everything else in its path]
See? He's even worse than I thought.
[wearing a clothespin on his non-existing nose] What do you mean? He's fine. [Sandy snatches the clothespin off of his nose]
I'm okay, Sandy, really. [sneezes again, enlarging himself more]
I'm taking you to the doctor right now! [rolls SpongeBob away]
Hey, that's my patient! [runs over and pushes SpongeBob the opposite way] You can't take him to the doctor's!
[rolling SpongeBob the other way again] Don't be silly, Patrick!
[carrying SpongeBob the other way] He's mine! [Sandy is log rolling SpongeBob the opposite way]
SpongeBob, you'll be better soon. [Patrick is using a wheelbarrow for SpongeBob]
I'll save you! [Sandy is using SpongeBob as a basketball]
I'm better, guys! Really! [Sandy and Patrick both push him into each other, squeezing him until he launches into the air]
Now look what you've done, Patrick!
What I've done? Everything was fine until you showed up!
You should be arrested for impersonating a doctor!
Hey! I'm a good doctor! Right, SpongeBob? [SpongeBob comes down and rolls away]
I can't stop! [screams while he rolls down a hill] Help me! [Mr. Krabs is cleaning some dimes]
SpongeBob? [runs out the front doors] Stop, SpongeBob! Stop...!
[SpongeBob stops just in time. Mr. Krabs sighs in relief until SpongeBob sneezes so hard that he releases a cloud of pink bubbles that fill the screen and destroy the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs glares at SpongeBob, who returns to his normal size.]
