C1Customer 1
Ugh. That ain't right. I will never spend money here again!
Never?
C2Customer 2
Come on, guys. These patties ain't worth the paper they're printed on!
S6Not Normal
SpongeBob, the weird therapy is working. Your craters are coming back. We just have to keep pushing the boundaries. We've gotta get stranger. [Cuts to Jellyfish Fields where SpongeBob is riding on Patrick's back like a horse and catches a jellyfish in the net. Another crater comes back. Cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick licking the sand and as SpongeBob is licking, his nose grows back to normal size. Cuts to Patrick and SpongeBob standing on their hands] Talk backwards.
Tap, erus uoy era? (Are you sure, Pat?) [SpongeBob's legs and arms are back to normal]
[Patrick's rock begins to open]
It's me, Squidward. I'm looking for SpongeBob. [Squidward is in a normal state] Hi, how are ya?
[SpongeBob is so scared and shocked at how Squidward looks that he screams himself back into his regular self]
SpongeBob, you're back to your square shape!
Wow, I guess Squidward's normal looks scared me back to my original form! [hugging Squidward] Thanks, buddy, you saved my life!
NSNormal Squidward
Wonderful weather we're having, hm?
It sure is, buddy. It sure is. [he and Patrick laugh whilst the episode ends]
S6Gone
[SpongeBob ends his shift at the Krusty Krab, not realizing that everyone's gone.]
Slow day. Good night Squidward. Good night Mr. Krabs.
[Door opens, revealing that Mr. Krabs is not in there. Cuts back to SpongeBob's house at night.]
Gary, I'm home! Gary? You here buddy? [walks into the kitchen, realizing that the big pile of food is still there] Gary? [gasps] He hasn't touched his food! [runs over to Squidward's house screaming, and then pounds frantically on the door] SQUIDWARD! OPEN UP! [door opens by itself] Squidward, Have you seen Gary?! He's gone missing! [no answer] Squidward? Not a sign of Squidward anywhere. Squidward? [walks upstairs] You up here? Hmm, Squidward's clarinet. [puts the clarinet in his mouth a few times] It's not even warm. SQUIDWARD'S MISSING TOO! [runs over to Patrick's house] PATRICK! Open up! Squidward and Gary are missing!
[SpongeBob lifts up Patrick's rock, revealing that there's nobody there.]
[shocked] Patrick's gone too. What if everybody's gone?
WHERE DID EVERYBODY GO?! [echoes]
[SpongeBob runs out of the theater, he grabs an ax and looks for Boaty, he sees a bus coming toward him, SpongeBob strikes at it with his axe. The bus stops, and everyone in Bikini Bottom steps out]
Huh?
Sheesh. Calm down, boy.
You're all still alive? Well, where did you go?
It was National No SpongeBob Day!
"National No SpongeBob Day"?
Yeah. A whole day dedicated to getting away from you!
A day? But you guys have been gone for weeks!
Uhh... heh heh, yeah well... we kinda milked it a little.
[Patrick comes out of the bus, he has balloons and a t-shirt with SpongeBob crossed out on it, SpongeBob sees this and gasps in shock]
You too, Patrick?
Yeah. Everyone needs at least one day away from... [laughs like SpongeBob imitating his face]
[sadly] I'm... glad you had fun. [sobs]
Aww, cheer up, boy. It's a whole day inspired by you.
Really?
Of course! [cut to a scene of everyone in Bikini Bottom except SpongeBob around a SpongeBob made of wood] First, we build a giant wooden effigy of you, then we burn it to the ground. [the citizens burn it] Whoo-hoo! Burn, baby! [cut to everyone dancing on the ashes of the effigy] And dance on the ashes like there was no tomorrow. [cut back to the present time]
Wow. A whole day dedicated to me! [blushes]
Big deal. Wait 'til you see "No Patrick Day"! Come on, everyone. Let's go!
[Everyone gets back on the bus. SpongeBob knocks Patrick off when he tries to get on. The bus drives off and Patrick immediately forgets what happened and what he said]
Where'd everybody go? Hello? Hello [looks around and the episode ends as a heartbeat is faintly heard]
S6The Splinter
[same tone] The spatula TIED TO YOUR NOSE!
Oh, this! [explains quickly] Well, you see, this got stuck up there so I stacked stuff and I climbed up to reach it. I reached it and grabbed it. I got it but then I fell and I screamed! I was sure I was dead but then I wasn't but then I tripped and I got this splinter and... Squidward? Squidward, were you listening at all? I got this really bad splinter, you see? And I couldn't hold the spatula with my hand so I used my nose. Makes sense now, huh?
[sarcastic] Oh, yeah, that makes perfect sense. You're a half-wit who injured himself at work being a nitwit.
[laughs] Good one, Squiddy.
[grumbles] Injury. Your brain is injured! [gets an idea] Wait a minute. Did you say that you got that splinter injury at work?
Ah. [Mr. Krabs and Squidward are there. He gasps]
What's that?
What's what?
Behind your back?
You mean this? [pulls his splinter out from behind his back, but it is covered by his hat]
Put your hat on, boy! Show some company pride!
[puts his hat on] Heh, company pride, of course.
Uh, SpongeBob?
Yes?
Have you always had three legs?
[has a sock and shoe covering his splintered thumb] Yes.
[believing him] Interesting... Well, what's this about a splinter that Squidward's been telling me all about? [SpongeBob screams] All right, boy, let's see it. [SpongeBob whimpers] Come on, SpongeBob, it's just a little splinter. I mean, how bad could it...? [SpongeBob reveals his massive, swollen thumb which has a slight area of pale green fizz around the impaled center. His thumb is now red. Mr. Krabs gags] Oh, merciful Neptune! [Squidward moans and faints] Okay, no problem. No problem. [easily picks out the splinter. There is a brief pause and the tip of SpongeBob's thumb pops and shoots out confetti] Problem sol... [green pus shoots out of SpongeBob's thumb onto Mr. Krabs' face. He takes out an umbrella as it dies down. There is a close-up of SpongeBob's free hand, bending his splinter-free thumb] Whew. For a second there, I thought I was gonna have to pay you workman's "compersation."
What's worker's compensation?
You know, when you get paid for sitting at home.
[his eyes shoot open. He gets up] You mean I can get paid while I'm at home?
Yeah, what do ya' think "compersation" stands for?
[gets the cash register out of the boat counter and slowly smashes it onto his head two times] Ow!
Uh, Squidward?
[Squidward smashes the cash register on his head another two times then throws the cash register up into the air and gets crushed by it.]
Can I get my "compersation" now?
No. Sorry, Squidward, your shift ended over two minutes ago.
S6Slide Whistle Stooges
You see, Squidward! Slide whistling can add a little zest to the humdrum of everyday life.
I don't need zest! I need you out of my lampshade! [jumps onto the table to get them out, but they're not there. SpongeBob appears with the slide whistle effect behind a plant] Get out of there! [SpongeBob floats through the air with the slide whistle noise and out the door. SpongeBob and Patrick are spinning around the circular windows] Just get out of there! [they land onto his paintings and become the shapes of his head] Okay, that's enough! You've had your fun.
True, Squidward, true. We have had our fun. But you know what's twice as much fun? Twice as many slide whistles!
Wow, Squidward, listen to you! You're getting better already! Here we'll help. [he and Patrick raise their slide whistles...they go around the hospital playing the slide whistle to CPR, a guy on a ventilator, and Gill Gilliam stitching Nat up]
S6A Life in a Day
LIVING LIKE LARRY!
Hey, what are you two lazybones doing lying around? There's a really cool ramp down the hall! I've got room for two more. What would Larry do?
[Fumingly] What would Larry do? I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT LARRY WOULD DO! Come here!
[SpongeBob wheels away in horror as Larry comes after him; cut to outside the hospital.]
Come here, I said! Hey!
[SpongeBob still tries to get away as Larry chases him off the screen and episode ends.]
S6Sun Bleached
[sprays dirt with a water hose then dips SpongeBob who is sun bleached and horribly dry, into a puddle of mud, wipes the mud away from his eyes, puts two slabs of jerky for SpongeBob's buck teeth, then rips out his own armpit hair] AAHHHH! AAH-AHH-AAAHH! [instantly turns calm, then places the armpit hair onto SpongeBob's head, then gives SpongeBob a mirror] See?
[screams, horrified] I...look... [adoring voice] Amaaaziiing. Time to go to the party! [cuts to them walking down the street. SpongeBob pats a baby in a stroller] Oh what a cute wittle baby. Coochie coochie coo!
NNorma
Monster! [runs away, running over SpongeBob, then comes back and stomps on him then walks off screen]
Well, hey, buddy, looks like you could use an ice cream.
No, Patrick I... [notices the people staring at him. He laughs nervously, then the caramel cracks, which reveals some light]
[All gasp, then the caramel breaks]
So, bright!
Honey, look away!
[Frankie's eyes melt. SpongeBob laughs nervously]
Nice Job!
[Australian accent] Your hideously white skin just ruined the party. I mean look at you! Do you hug your mother with that skin?
S6Giant Squidward
[about Squidward's kelp flowers, with a soft tone] They're pretty!
[shrieks] Patrick!
And SpongeBob!
What are you two doing here?
Patrick is helping me to do good deeds today, like trimming your kelp garden! [points to Patrick, who takes a large bite out of the kelp, then burps]
[yelling] STOP EATING MY KELP! [shoves Patrick and SpongeBob]
Okay, okay, geez! I try to help a fellow out. I'll just have to eat this ice cream cone instead!
Oh! Do you like to eat ice cream, Patrick?
Hmm, yeah.
Then have some more! [sprays the ice cream]
[falls over when the ice cream gets bigger] Whoa! Oof!
Ha, ha, ha! Still want that ice cream?
Boy I do! Thanks, Squidward! Want some, SpongeBob? Last one to the cone is a rotten clam!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's SpongeBob SquarePants pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.