There you go, Mr. Krabs! You always wanted to make "big" money!
[Cuts to live-action footage of a crowd booing]
Good deed accomplished! I ask for no reward.
You're a saint, SpongeBob! A SAINT!
I know, and it is a burden I must carry.
S6Giant Squidward
SpongeBob! [pants and bonks him on the head] HEY! Look what you did to me! If you don't fix my nose, you'll hear from my lawyer!
Are you sure?
Yeah, you'll be ugly again.
Yes, I'm sure!
LBLittle boy
Wait! Maybe he's a nice monster, like in my story book.
Oh, right, I haven't thought of that. Well, are you?
Oh, goodness gracious, yes. Squidward is the nicest giant of them all.
Yeah! Squidward, tell them about all those times that you didn't punch me in the face.
Even though you really wanted to.
[yelling] OH, QUIET, YOU MORON!
[All gasp]
FFFemale fish 1
He hurt the little one's feelings!
FFFemake fish 2
Why, that's not very nice at all!
[yelling] Take him down, boys! [following the lifeguard fish, the mob uses a giant rake slingshot to hit his foot]
OW!!! [holds his foot and hops backwards. Harold, Scooter, Nazz, and Fred set up a giant rake behind him. Squidward steps on it and falls down after it hits him on the back of the head. The lifeguard comes up with a big tube of lipstick]
This oughta fix him! [puts lipstick on Squidward's lips. The mob stops yelling]
Okay, okay, I'm nice! Now will you leave me alone? [is shown to be tied to the ground with ropes]
MFMale fish
He helped me build -- Ah...Ah...AH-CHOO!!!
OFOther fish
Bless you. Gesundheit. [etc.] Ahem!?!
What?
[Everyone gasps]
FFFemale fish 3
He didn't say 'bless you'!
GET HIM!!!!
S6No Nose Knows
What are you doing with my cheese?
It's rotten garbage now. [throws it in the garbage, then blasts it with a rocket launcher] That's better.
That was my cheese! It's supposed to smell like that, kelp for brains!
[reading tombstone] Here lies the nose of Patrick Star. Rip. [referring to the R.I.P as Rest in Peace] Well, this is terrible! All Patrick wanted was to be like the rest of us, and we punished him for it.
Who cares? At least now that pink moron will leave us alone.
I heard that! [moves to Patrick with giant human ears]
S6Patty Caper
Mr. Krabs, isn't that the stolen secret ingredient?
Uh, what are you talking about, SpongeBob? I'm not holding any secret ingredient. [holds it out, then hides it]
PPoliceman
You might want to stand that you stole the item in question?
Well, I wouldn't call it stealing.
PPoliceman
And you were going to let someone else take the fall for this little caper?
I can explain!
PPoliceman
Please do.
It's simple, $1.99 is a lot to pay for the secret ingredient every time I get a delivery, so I took it to avoid paying, you know.
PPoliceman
I think Judge Trout will be very interested to hear this little story. [handcuffs him]
What? What'd I do?
[The scene cuts to the court house]
JJudge
All rise. Eugene Krabs.
Your honor...?
JJudge
As punishment for committing the crime of grand theft, I sentence you to give away Krabby Patties for free all day tomorrow. [whacks the gavel]
Give away me Patties for free?! Oh no, I couldn't bear the sight of that!
[The scene cuts to the next day at the Krusty Krab, where SpongeBob is giving away free Krabby Patties as Mr. Krabs is strapped to a chair as two officers hold his eyes open]
[giving away Krabby Patties to the customers for free] Step right up, and get your free Krabby Patties!
[When SpongeBob gives away free Krabby Patties, the two policemen holds Mr. Krabs still while he is crying, then the policemen laugh]
S6Plankton's Regular
♪ Rolling, rolling, rolling! Money keeps on rolling along! ♪ [playing bowling with money] 1 more time! [notices Plankton] No way, Plankton! You're not getting me formula this time or any time! [throws him on the counter, then gets a spoon, and crushes him]
Don't bother. There's no need.
What are you talking about?
[slides out of the spoon] I'm just saying I no longer need to copy you, Krabs. I've got my own winning recipe now.
[laughs] You're really funny man! You think you can compete with me? Look Plankton, look at all these loyal customers. Loyal to me, Plankton, not to you!
NNat
Hey, Plankton, can I get another one of your delicious Chum Sticks?
But of course, loyal customer. [hops out of Mr. Krabs' hands, onto Nat's hand] I'll see you later, loser. Much later! [laughs]
Nat, back all ready? That's the fifth time today. Not that I'm surprised. Karen, babe, fetch Nat another plate of that sweet chum.
Yes, Your Diminutiveness. [goes in the kitchen]
Say, Nat, do you have any friends?
Nat: Nope.
[sings a little, then laughs] Would you hurry up with that chum, Karen?!
[imitating Karen] Yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep your tiny pants on, Plankton. Bleep, bloop. [throws a Krabby Patty] There's your chum, bleep blap blop.
NNat
Hey, this doesn't look like chum.
And that doesn't look like Karen!
[looks like Karen] Why, don't be ridiculous, my husband. Bleep, blap. Of course it's me.
What have you done with Karen, you brute?!
[Karen is taped up in the kitchen]
NNat
How many times do I have to tell you? [throws the Krabby Patty away] I don't want to eat your trash! Plankton's chum is my favorite breakfast, lunch, and dinner! I love chum, so forget it! I don't want to eat anything else!
[returns to normal, and speaks in normal voice] So you're saying that you love chum? And all that you ever eat is chum?
NNat
Yeah! Th-That's right!
Interesting.
Call it a computer's intuition, but I sense your regular approaching, with an unusually large wad of cash.
Look at all that loot!
That's right, Krabs, and you're going to have to keep looking when my customer comes in and pays me for my chum!
D'oh, just put me out of me misery!
[Nat walks in, angered]
Back for more of my delicious chum, I see!
NNat
Not this time!
PKPlankton and Mr. Krabs
Huh?
NNat
Not ever again! [throws all the money at Karen] The deal's off, computer! I can't eat another bite of that slop, no matter how much you pay me!
Ha-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba...Huh?
NNat
I have eaten 10 of those things, and I've all ready had to go to the doctor...twice! [groans in pain] If you need me, I'll be getting my stomach pumped...again. [gets carried out]
What's the deal, Karen?
"The deal" was that I paid Nat to eat your chum, so you'd quit your constant complaining.
All this time, I never had one regular customer?
Duh.
Should have known! Why would anyone ever eat my slop?
Ugh, there he goes again. Cut it out, Plankton!
What? It's just obvious that I'm a complete failure, and wasted of a lower life form! Oh, woe is me! [cries]
Quickly, now is the time to make a hasty retreat!
What, and miss this? I've never enjoyed me self more! This irony is pretty good stuff. [laughs]
S6Boating Buddies
Didn't you used to have one of those cucumber bicycles?
Oh. [laughs] That was a recumbent bicycle, and I sold it.
Why?
So, I could get further away from you! [rushes off]
Okay, I'll see you later then, Squidward.
S6Grooming Gary
You were trying to tell me that all along Weren't you, Gary?
Meow, meow!
Well, I won't let it happen again.
JJudge
Well, I think we can all agree that this year's groomers cup goes to...SpongeBob and his wonderful pet!
Did you hear that, Gary? They're rewarding you for standing up and speaking out against injustice. Maybe these pageants aren't so superficial after all.
JJudge
What are you talking about? The snail didn't win, I was referring to your other pet. He's so adorable.
Woof, woof! [sticks his tongue out]
S6Porous Pockets
Good idea coming here, Patrick!
That’s my specialty.
Having good ideas?
No, being called Patrick.
S6Choir Boys
[Squidward doesn't use the toilet, making it sad]
TPToilet Paper
Don't feel bad. He didn't use me yesterday either.
[looks at his watch] Oh! I'm almost late for Choir Practice! Better not run into SpongeBob again or I'm doomed! [takes a turn next to a large field of grass, then starts pedaling into it. He gets out and laughs] Figaro! Figaro-Figaro-Figa-roooo!
[steps out of the grasses in a policeman's hat and mustache] Stop! Stop Stop! [Squidward notices him, screams then comes to a screeching halt] I here by issue you with this ticket, for reckless frowning, and failing to listen to my song!
Your song? What are you, some kind of...
That's right! I'm a singing traffic cop!
A singing traffic...
♪O Sole Lo Mio...♪
[rips off SpongeBob's fake mustache] SpongeBob, I will be late to practice with all of your tomfoolery slowing me down! [grabs the ticket and rips it up] It is a high honor to be chosen for the Bikini Bottom Men's Chorus, and you are not going to keep me from performing my Grand Solo! [ties SpongeBob to some coral, using kelp, then rides away] ♪Figaro! Figaro, Figaro, Fi-ga-ro!♪
[After a really long beat...]
♪Fii-gaa-roo♪ [Everything around starts shaking, the ground rumbles. Kelp breaks off SpongeBob as he stops singing, but an echo is heard. Cut to Jellyfish Fields, and the camera pans to a couple of jellyfish. They hear his singing and follow the source. SpongeBob falls to the ground, and the jellyfish come while buzzing excitedly and pick him up to the choir.; SpongeBob is holding note while being travelled down the road by jellyfish, in a beam of sunlight]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's SpongeBob SquarePants pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.