D'oh, come on, you're just flipping Patties.
Hey, flipping is not as easy as it sounds! [Patrick flips over a rock with his foot and makes a sizzling noise] Why don't you go home, Patrick? You can compete in the "Laying Under a Rock All Day" Games.
Well, at least, I don't polish my fingernails!
[gasps] You take that back! [a gleam shows at the tip of his fingernails]
[mocking] Fingernails, fingernails, fingernails!
You don't even have fingernails!
I cannot believe what I am hearing!
How can you hear?! You don't have ears either!
[The Deep fry pole vault.]
Win this one for the Krusty Krab.
[flips over the poles and the deep fry and splats down on the circle drawn in the ground. The crowd gasps. SpongeBob forms a number one sign and the crowd cheers]
Win this one because I told you to.
Because you told me to! [flips over the poles, but lands on the handle of the deep fryer, flinging it at the crowd and turning them into fish sticks. A vendor walks up and turns on a heat lamp]
Fish sticks! Get yer fish sticks here!
[Heavy metal music plays. The bell rings. SpongeBob tears off his blue robe, showing off his extremely large, muscular body. Patrick rips off his own green robe, underneath which he is wearing a business suit. He tears off the business suit, also revealing an extremely large, muscular body. The two dive at each other, screaming, until they collide. They wrestle and continue to wind up in twisted positions. They spin around and wind up wrestling with themselves. They realize this, and dive back at each other. Patrick sits on top of SpongeBob, holding his foot]
Forget the Chum Bucket! This is personal. [takes off SpongeBob's shoe and licks his foot slowly. SpongeBob screams in agony. The two wrestle again. SpongeBob sits on Patrick's chest and screams as he lifts up a pencil with the eraser side pointing toward Patrick; he slowly brings it down to his name tag and erases the "Pat" in "Patrick," leaving "Rick"] No! My name's not Rick! [tackles SpongeBob in a puff of smoke]
[the two wrestle once more before they stop]
I 1,000 times never liked you!
[They struggle to push each other until both of their pants rip and fall down. Patrick's underwear is yellow. SpongeBob's underwear is pink]
SPSpongeBob and Patrick
[their eyes start to water] You do care! [both start crying and hug each other]
Let's promise never to fight again, buddy.
Yeah, pal. Let's go home.
[both walk away holding hands and whistling while the audience boos]
Get back here and kill each other!
You're my best friend ever.
You know, these were white when I bought 'em.
SpongeBob, quit your worrying. I can take care of myself. After all, Who's the strongest critter in Bikini Bottom? [pulls a live-action boat down underwater by its anchor]
And who put the, hiyah-hah-huah, "K" in "karate"?
[body is shaped like a "U"] You did.
And who saves your yellow backside from certain destruction on a regular basis?
[SpongeBob's backside reads "Property of Sandy Cheeks" printed on it]
This letter comes to us from --
Name and address withheld.
And he writes: "Dear SpongeBob, I am ten years old, and I was wondering if you like Christmas as much as I do. Sincerely yours..."
Name and address withheld.
A very good question. But you know, they didn't always celebrate Christmas in Bikini Bottom.
No sir, my fine feathered little neck pain!
[Patchy cuts Potty's strings, and he falls to the ground; the operator falls as well.]
Aww, our first Christmas. ♪This Christmas feels like the very first Christmas! The first Christmas is this Christmas! [donkey appears on screen making noises] Cause it feels like the first Christmas to me!♪ [laughs at SpongeBob and hits his butt over and over again]
You were right, Squidward. This was a stupid holiday. [cries; takes out a present] I still want you to have this.
[stops hitting his butt] What? What's this?
A present. I made it for you so you wouldn't be left out when... [lifts his inelegant blubbering head up] Santa came! [cries some more]
Oh, gee, I, uh, you know I...
You're welcome. [sadly walks off and cries]
SpongeBob? He made me a present? It's probably a jellyfish net, or an old Krabby Patty, or... [imitates a hillbilly] his favorite underpants. Haha. Present. [opens the present] Why, it looks like a clarinet. [smells it] It smells like one, too. Handcrafted out of driftwood. And it's even got my name on it. [finds a button that says "push"] What's this? [pushes the button and three wooden Squidwards with clarinets come out and bob up and down] Wow. This is the greatest gift I've ever gotten. [sniffles] Oh, I feel like a... [donkey appears on screen and makes noises] big jerk!
[Karen projects holographic meatloaf, Plankton pokes it with a fork]
[sarcastically] Oh, goodie. Holographic meatloaf again. [slams his fists on a table] When am I going to get some real food?! Mr. Krabs gets to eat real food. Just look at his daughter, she's as big as a whale! I wish I could be as successful as Mr. Krabs. I wish I could just somehow switch lives with him... just to know what it's like!
[angrily squishes Plankton] You!
In a cosmic sort of way, yes.
Well, Mr. Funny Man... [shows Plankton a Krabby Patty] is this how you get your sick kicks?!
What? It's just an ordinary Krabby-- [close up of the Krabby Patty in question, which is covered in mold and stuffed with insects, hair, planks of wood, a sock, an eyeball, and a nail] Oh, my goodness! Squidward!
I tried, Mr. Plankton. I really did.
A customer ordered a medium soda, and I gave him a large. I GAVE HIM A LARGE! I've soiled the good Krusty Krab name! SOILED IT! SOILED IT! SOILED IT! SOILED IT!
I command you to stop that! Stop that and return to your post! [pokes SpongeBob's chest] Where's the off button on this thing?
Krabs?! What the barnacles is going on here?!
It's your arch competitor, Krabs! His goal in life is to steal a Krabby Patty and ruin our restaurant.
Yeah! But the worst part of it is...
[Krabs lands behind Plankton, and Plankton turns around to see that Krabs is completely nude]
I'm every bit as cool as Larry, and if I'm not, let me be struck by... [lightning flashes overhead] ... A flying ice cream truck. [the flying ice cream truck plummets in his direction] AND LIVE!
[the ice cream truck stops just above SpongeBob, then drops onto him gently]
[through megaphone] Please do not land flying ice cream trucks on the bathers.
