South Park · Season 26
Are you guys just playing around?
No, we are renovating and opening an amazing restaurant that will be extremely profitable.
Then why did you name it DikinBaus?
Butters, you are the investor. We are the creatives.
Well, stop being creative and open the goddamn restaurant so I can get my money back.
[mocking Butters] "So stop dicking around and wasting my money." Butters, at DikinBaus, dicking around is all we do, dicking around the competition.
[Stotch residence; Butters returns home from work, exhausted, and finds his parents in the living room]
[annoyed with his arms crossed] Back from work, Butters?
Oh. Hey, Mom and Dad.
You must be so tired from selling all that ice cream.
Well, yeah, it was a pretty long night.
[to Linda] A long night, he says. [back to his son] That's great, Butters. Only problem is, if you're really working at a job, then why is there… [takes out Butters' paycheck] $0 in your bank account?!
[Linda starts weeping]
[shocked with horror] What?!
So now what are you really doing, young man?
$0?! But I've been working every day! (That's impossible!)
Oh, sure. I know exactly how it is. You say you have to work so you can get out of the house, get away from the family and you go down to that glory hole down on Fourth and Larimer.
[in tears] Oh, my God, Butters!
And while your family thinks you're at your job, you're actually strapped facedown on a bed at the Brighton Motel, taking any load you can find on Adult FriendFinder. It's the lies! It's the lies! I can't take it anymore! [runs to the front door] I'm going to the office and get some work done! [walks out the door and leaves]
[enraged] That son of a gun!
Well, congratulations, young man. DikinBaus Hot Dogs is a big success and here's your first return on your investment. [gives Butters his paycheck] I'm sure there's many more to come.
Oh, I made my money back, huh?
Now what I'm thinking, Butters, is that we should grow your business by applying for a corporate loan, which could pay you dividends as you expand the company into new areas.
Yeah, I wasn't thinking that. See, all I ever wanted was just to do my job, learn how to work, and help Mr. Sullivan sell ice cream. So, I'm thinking I'm actually going to conduct a market analysis to look for potential buyers and roll over the company as an exit strategy.
Well, you could do that but I think you'd have trouble getting investors who will commit major capital for just partial ownership.
Yeah. So that's why I want to approach overseas investors who will buy the IP, the restaurant operations, and the real estate outright.
But you couldn't do that because there's already tenants in the building who have to be relocated.
Yeah, I thought of that too. Come on in.
Hello.
Wait, so you two have already discussed some kind of deal?
Oh, yes. Butters and I have been talking, and we think that my little Eric deserves to get exactly what he's been wanting for a long time.
[As Liane and her son move back to their old house…]
There you go, Eric. It's your old room just like you always wanted.
[sobbing in protest] But I hate this stupid house! I don't want to be here! I want to be in DIKINBAUS!!! DikinBaus is awesome! This place sucks! PLEASE!! [Liane leaves as he tearfully hyperventilates] I want--I WANT--DIKIN...BAAAUUUUSS!!!! I want my DikinBaus! DIKINBAUS! DIKINBAAAUUUS!!!!!
[Sharon and Shelley have all their stuff packed in the car for their Santa Fe spring break trip, leaving Randy and Stan alone together]
Alright, guys, you sure you packed everything?
Yeah, that should be all of it.
Well, I hope you and Shelley have a great spring break trip.
I still feel bad, us going on a trip while you and Stan stay home.
You guys have fun in Santa Fe. We're going to do some dad-and-son stuff. Goodbye, Shelley! Have fun! I'll miss you!
There should be food enough to last you the week.
Yes, yes, don't worry. We'll be fine.
Bye, Stan! Love you!
Love you, Mom!
Okay, guys, be safe!
Bye!
Aww, yeah! Bitches are gone! [strips in his underwear] Spring break! Spring break! Spring break! This is gonna be the best spring break ever! They're gonna be gone the whole week! Bro, what are you doing?
[painting board-game miniatures on the coffee table] I'm painting miniatures.
Painting min… Dude, do you not understand? Your mom and Shelley are gone! We can do whatever we want without any stupid rules!
Whatever I want?
Yeah, dude! That's what this is all about! Let's do some spring break shit!
Can I see if any of the guys wanna come over to do "40k" all week?
Hell, yeah, let's do some "40k". What is that?
You don't know "Warhammer 40k"?
Oh, yeah, "Warhammer 40k", of course. I'm down. Let's do it.
Really? All week?
Yeah, dude! You're old enough.
Sweet, I'm gonna call Tolkien!
[opened the door] Can I help you?
We've had some complaints about a party that's been going on for three days here.
Hey, what's going on? Alright guys, who ordered the stripper?
Can we come in and look around, sir?
Oh, yeah! Come on in! [smacks her in the buttocks] Honk, honk!
All right, get down on the ground!
Whoa, whoa! No, no, no. It's okay. I'm just helping my boy through the media assault on manliness.
[tazes Randy and handcuffs him] I need to see some ID, sir.
Ah! Okay, okay! Stan! Stan!
Yeah?
Can you get my wallet from upstairs?
Yeah, as soon as we're done with this psyker phase. I have five psyker units.
Oh, my God. This is so embarrassing!
Oh. Hey, Mom.
Stanley, what have I told you about playing "Warhammer" on the table?
Aw!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's South Park pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
