[after seeing Wendy taping a "Breast Cancer Awareness" poster] Look out, everyone, there's some killer titties on the loose. Could've sworn I heard them coming through the roof. Pssh, officer. We need to get an ABP out on those titties. They're too dangerous.
WWendy
What is your problem?! Breast cancer isn't funny!
Not at all. [does hand puppets] Wendy, we're going to get you, Wendy. For we're boobs; we're going to kill you.
WWendy
You better shut up, or I'll make you shut up!
Oh, really? What are you going to do about it, Wendy?
WWendy
I'm going to kick your ass; that's what I'm going to do!
Ha ha! You're going to kick my ass?
WWendy
That's right! I'm going to kick your ass!
[poses] You wanna throw down, dawg? I'll go down.
WWendy
You think you're tough?!
WWendy
I'll smack the shit out of you!
Standing right here. Let's go, bitch.
WWendy
After school; we fight after school. You got that?!
You're going to fight me after school?
WWendy
As soon as that bell rings, we do it outside! And you better be there!
WWendy
You're gonna fucking die!
[Testaburger residence; Wendy is in her room doing her homework]
[calling from downstairs] Wendy?!
We need to talk you, right now! [Wendy leaves her room and comes downstairs to the living room, she and her husband are both very displeased] Wendy, have you been bullying kids at school?
Well, do you want to explain why this little boy's mother had to come talk to us?
[Cartman and his mother are both sitting on the couch while Liane comforts him]
TMr. Testaburger
Did you tell this little boy you were going to beat him up?
WWendy
You don't understand. He said horrible things.
[sobbing and sniffling] The thing is I totally said I was sorry. But she still wants to beat me up. [grabs Liane's blouse and cries into it as she comforts him]
Wendy, no matter what a person says, you don't respond with violence. Haven't we taught you that?
[still sniffling] The thing is, Wendy, I really think you're awesome, and I know I'm just a nerdy little weakling to you, but, I want to be your friend, because I don't have that many friends in schooool. [starts crying even harder as Liane continues to comfort him]
Wendy, you tell this little boy you aren't going to hurt him!
WWendy
[to Cartman] I'm not going to hurt you.
TMr. Testaburger
If there is any word of you fighting at school, it's over for you, missy. Do you understand?
We're so sorry about this, Mrs. Cartman.
Oh, no, thank you so much for your time.
TMr. Testaburger
It really won't happen again.
[Cartman looks at Wendy, then makes faces at her and sticks out both his middle fingers, double flipping her off; Wendy gets pissed, but can't do anything now]
You're very sweet. Thank you again. Come on, muffin.
[stops making faces and looks up at her, then joins her as she walks to the front door] Okay, Mommy. Mamamama.
[As Wendy is called over to Principal Victoria's office…]
Wendy, I've been hearing rumors about a fight between you and Eric Cartman?
WWendy
No, ma'am, there isn't going to be a fight.
I see. [gets up from her desk and walks to the window] I noticed all the things you've done for breast cancer awareness month. Did you know I'm a breast cancer survivor?
I was diagnosed seven years ago. Cancer is... pure evil. It is a fat little lump that needs to be... destroyed. When there is a cancer, you have to "fight" it. You can't reason with cancer, you can't wish it away. Cancer doesn't play by the rules, so neither can you.
(Cut to the school, the day after the Queef Sisters special. The kids are gathered around Cartman as he shouts into a cellphone at an unseen representative of the Canada Channel.)
No, no, as a matter of fact, I will not hold! I've been on hold for 35 minutes! (beat) Well, we want some goddamn answers, that what we want! Like why did you show that smut instead of the Terrance and Philip conclusion, you asshole?! (At that moment, Wendy, Bebe and a couple other girls walk over. Wendy goes over to Stan.)
We're complaining to the Canada Network because they put something really gross on TV.
You wanna tell me what's funny about two women shooting air out of their vagina into a man's face? (Beat, then Cartman gets really pissed.) No, no, see, some of us were eating when you showed that!
Clyde (chiming in): I threw up on the way home.
Clyde threw up on the way home! What makes you think you can put that kind of filth on television?!
They didn't show Part 2 of Terrance and Phillip! They replaced it with the Queef Sisters!
It was just thirty minutes of two women queefing on people!
Oh what? So farts are hysterical but queefs are gross?
You know that little kids could have been watching that?! What kind of network are you running there in Canada?! ...Don't call me buddy; I'm not your buddy!
Bitch, you wanna make some motherfucking money?
Bitch, you should be doing kisses around the playground, you can make $50 a day! Buy all the purses and shoes that you've ever wanted. I'll treat you right, bitch.
[Butters doing schoolwork then spots Wendy]
[Wendy looks at Butters]
Bitch, don't you wanna start making some real fucking money?
WWendy
[annoyed] Leave me alone!
Why you were made for the playground, bitch. You should be out there workin'. Don't you want a new lunch box? Nice new coat? I can get all that for you, bitch.
You can't call my girlfriend a bitch!
Oh. Well all I'm sayin' the bitch should be out there workin' is all. [turns to Wendy] Whatcha doing bitch? Just giving kisses to Stan for free? Why you should be making some motherfucking money!
Butters, seriously. If you don't stop this, I'll kick your ass!
[turns to Clyde] Clyde, heres a $100. If Stan comes near me, punch him.
Wowwee. [grabs the money from Butters]
[turns to Stan] Dude, we've created a monster.
Come on Wendy, you should be putting that mouth to work.
Butters, Butters do you have a problem?
All these bitches are kissin' fellers, and they haven't figured out that they can be making some serious fucking money!
Kyle, every boy pay for kisses, do you know what i am saying? if you've got a girl and she's kissing you, sooner or later, you are paying for it. you gotta take her out to lunch, take to a movie, and then spend time listening to all her stupid problems. look, look at there, he's got to sit there and listen to her stupid motherfucking problems because she kisses him. If you ask me, that's a lot more than the $5 dollars my company charges.
[about Cartman's ripping off on Wendy] Wendy, did you see the stuff Cartman is saying about you now?
WWendy
I really don't care, Stan.
Well, don't you think you should go on his show and defend yourself?! Everyone is starting to think you're a crappy president.
WWendy
I'm not giving Eric Fartman one minute of my time, you got that?! I'm not acknowledging his stupid questions. If you want him dealt with, you'll have to do it yourself!
[After Stan discovers his personal information on Eavesdropper.]
Kenny! [He goes to Kenny] Kenny, What the fuck?!
How did Eavesdropper get a hold of my e-mail to you?
Did you leave your e-mails open for everyone to read?
That was a Private e-mail message from me and you! [Wendy shows up angrily at Stan, and Stan noticed her] Hey, Wendy.
WWendy
You like looking at girls' butt cracks, Stan?!
Oh, fuck. I'm gettin' out of here! [Kenny closes his locker and leaves]
WWendy
[referring to Butters turning down a fat girl whom asked him out] What the fuck is your problem?!
WWendy
Are you some kind of asshole? Is that it?
[looking himself over] Well, no - I have arms and legs and everything.
WWendy
Lisa Berger asked you out, and you called her fat?! Do you have any idea how you made her feel?! She's a really nice girl!
WWendy
What the hell do you think you're doing?
WWendy
This is the girls' bathroom!
All right, I need to tell you something, Wendy: I'm transginger.
Did you notice the bow? I'm not comfortable with the sex I was assigned at birth so I'm exercising my right to identify with the gender of my choice, now get out of my way. I have to take a shit.
[Deleted Scene; Stan walks up to Wendy, putting her stuff in her locker]
Hey, I'm sorry. I seriously had no idea you'd even played volleyball.
WWendy
Yeah, well, that's the problem, isn't it, Stan? You don't pay attention to anything I talk about. Heather was right.
WWendy
Wow. Really? [slams her locker shut and walks away]
WWendy
Is it just me, or are things around here getting worse and worse?
MMillie
It's definitely not just you. I think everyone's in shock that Heidi went back to Cartman.
What keeps driving her back to him? It's so weird.
IIsla
She's so… mean and angry these days.
WWendy
People change. They say you become more and more like the person you're with, and I guess it's true with Heidi.
[joining them at the table] Hey, guys. What's up?
IIsla
[fearfully] Hey, Heidi.
What are you guys talkin' about?
Bullcrap, you're all talkin' about me again. 'Cause you're judgmental bitches. [belches] Ehh…
WWendy
Heidi, are you okay? It's just… you look…
WWendy
You know, y-you just look…
What? I look fat? Is that what you wanna say, Wendy? Fuck you, bitch!
She's just concerned, Heidi.
[mimicking Theresa] "Mehmehmehmehmehhh, Heidi." I'm just trying to enjoy my lunch here! Can I do it without you guys shitting on all over me?
[Wendy, Isla, Theresa, and Heidi are waiting at the bus stop]
[frustrated] This is bullcrap! How can they force me to be the Science Fair judge?! Now I know how it feels to be a slave!
WWendy
It's…not exactly like being a slave, Heidi.
Yes, it is! Am I being paid to judge the Science Fair?! No! Do I have a choice?! No! Ooh, yes, massa! Let me judge that Science Fair for you, sir!
Theresa, don't get all aggro on me because you're pissed off your family lives in a trailer.
My family doesn't live in a trailer. We live in a tiny home. My parents downsized to make a smaller footprint on the environment.
That's what I said. Your family lives in a trailer.
There's lots of progressive people living in tiny homes. There's five others on my block.
Right. That's called a trailer park.
[embarrassed] I don't live in a trailer park!
WWendy
Just don't even respond to her. Just ignore her.
I'll try, but she's such a bitch.
IIsla
She wasn't talking to you, Heidi.
Oh, looks like Isla has something to say, you guys. Hold on, I'm sure this is going to be really profound. Go ahead, Isla, knock us out with you wit and satire. This should be good, you guys.
[walks up to Heidi] Hey, Heidi, what's up?
[uninterested] Oh, hey, babe, what's going on?
Nothing, just talking to my girlfriends about tiny homes.
[to Stan as they walk down the school hallway] He's gone too far this time, dude. The stuff he's saying about Jews is out of control.
Bro, you just got to ignore him.
Bro, it's pretty hard to ignore him when he's saying it all on a podcast.
WWendy
He actually said that all women are whores, and the only thing we're good at is murdering babies.
Look guys, just leave it alone. Don't give him any more attention.
That's easy for you to say, dude.
WWendy
Yeah, you are one of the multitudes of groups he's spewing his stupid shit about.
[walking up to them] Hey, guys, who are you talking about?
Yeah, and his stupid debating podcast.
[off-screen] Hey, here he comes!
[All the students boo angrily and throw paper balls at Clyde as he walks through the hallway]
[passing by] Whatever guys. Prove me wrong. Prove me wrong.
You don't know a thing about the Jewish people!
WWendy
Yeah, and shut up about girls' bodies!
Well, that sounds like a very female and Jew thing to say. If you guys don't like it, why don't you come debate me on my podcast? [walks away]
WWendy
We're not indulging your stupid podcast!
South Park · 1,569 quotes
