(Cut to the school, the day after the Queef Sisters special. The kids are gathered around Cartman as he shouts into a cellphone at an unseen representative of the Canada Channel.)
No, no, as a matter of fact, I will not hold! I've been on hold for 35 minutes! (beat) Well, we want some goddamn answers, that what we want! Like why did you show that smut instead of the Terrance and Philip conclusion, you asshole?! (At that moment, Wendy, Bebe and a couple other girls walk over. Wendy goes over to Stan.)
We're complaining to the Canada Network because they put something really gross on TV.
You wanna tell me what's funny about two women shooting air out of their vagina into a man's face? (Beat, then Cartman gets really pissed.) No, no, see, some of us were eating when you showed that!
Clyde (chiming in): I threw up on the way home.
Clyde threw up on the way home! What makes you think you can put that kind of filth on television?!
They didn't show Part 2 of Terrance and Phillip! They replaced it with the Queef Sisters!
It was just thirty minutes of two women queefing on people!
Oh what? So farts are hysterical but queefs are gross?
You know that little kids could have been watching that?! What kind of network are you running there in Canada?! ...Don't call me buddy; I'm not your buddy!
[Butters is confronted by the boys in the school hallways]
Butters, what the fuck do you think you're doing?
Just enjoying myself. Why, Eric?
Butters, you know goddamn well you didn't write that book!
[a little angrily] But, you told me I did.
Yeah, but that's when we thought we were going to get in trouble, Million Dollar Abie.
[Red and Lola appear and defend Butters]
RRed
Hey, hey, you leave Butters alone! He's a very fragile artist.
LLola
[fondly] He's so brooding and full of angst.
[smugly] Yeah, I'm brooding.
Butters doesn't deserve any credit for Scrotie McBoogerballs! We deserve all the credit.
RRed
Oh, God, you guys are pathetic!
LLola
Yeah, get a life and stop mooching off Butters's success for once!
[the girls leave]
[frustrated] God damn it!
Butters, do you really think it's fair to lie like this?! Let me tell you, if you don't have--!
[snaps] No! Let me tell you something, fellas!! You ALWAYS take advantage of me. And after reading Catcher in the Rye, I've learned you're nothing but phonies! [the boys look shocked at this sudden explosion] I'm not letting you trick me this time. So the four of you can just suck on my wiener. [Leaves]
[After a pause; in a shocked voice] What an inconsiderate jerk!
Well, I hope you guys learned a valuable lesson. If you mess around and you aren't safe, it can have really big consequences.
Yeah, I'm not having sex for a long time.
RRed
And I'm done with Labubus.
Well, that's good, because as your counselor, I'm banning Labubus from school. And TikTok. And cell phones. Now get back to class. You both have detention for two weeks.
[Red and Butters leave the office, talking to each other]
Wow, new counselor's kind of a dick.
RRed
Yeah, but he's better than the last guy.
MMeagan
[scrolling through the market app on her phone, as well as Red, and sees the bet of Sheila bombing Gaza officially removed] What the hell?
RRed
They took it down! We were all gonna win, and they took down our bets!
How can the app company do that?
I got in at nine-to-one odds! This is b-b-bullshit!
MMeagan
Yeah, these apps are totally corrupt.
[blowing his whistle as he appears] Guys! For the love of God!
[The students all put away their phones; Kyle and Cartman are then seen sitting on the steps]
Well, Cartman, I just wanna say thanks. You know, it's crazy, but nobody else here gave a crap about how I was feeling except for you.
Oh, that's all right, Kyle. I'm just happy the bet got taken down. Now none of these sickos can profit off of what your mom does.
Yeah, well, those people would have all lost the bet anyway.
What do you mean they would have all lost the bet?
Well, I know the reason my mom went Israel.
It wasn't to bomb a Palestinian hospital?
No, when my mom left the house, she said she was gonna find the person responsible for all this and give them a piece of her mind.
[Red, Bebe, and Nichole are all in the girls' bathroom, watching Butters' AI video of Red getting urinated by Santa on her phone]
RRed
[furious] That little shit! That little shit!
NNichole
It's already all over the school. Butters is trying to humiliate you.
RRed
What the hell did I do to him?!
Well, you did kind of use him.
RRed
I didn't use him! He wanted to buy me a Labubu.
NNichole
You should go tell the principal, Red, they said if anyone made these kinds of videos of other students, they'd call the police.
RRed
[turns around] I don't need to tell the principal. There's gonna be a big assembly this afternoon. I'll get Butters back myself.
South Park · 1,569 quotes
