Cartman, you remember how we all spent the night at Kenny's a couple of days ago?
I remember frozen waffles with no side dishes.
StanCartman, our parents sent us over to catch chickenpox from Kenny.
Yeah, dude, your mom wanted you to have herpes on your face.
Stan
It's some kind of parental conspiracy. Our parents are trying to kill us or something.
That bitch! I'm going to go downstairs and kick her square in the nuts!
No, no, no. Come on fat-boy, we're going to get them all back.
Stan
You suck now, Cartman. And to be honest, If you want to play America vs. Bosnia, why don't you just play with Kenny.
Yeah. I'll bet he would like it.
That's fine! I like playing America vs. Bosnia with Kenny! I'll play with him every single day!
[Kenny laughs]
What are you doing, sweetheart?
Stan
Getting a cookie. We're building a clubhouse and--
You men are all alike. First you get a cookie and then you criticize the way I dress, and then it's the way I cook. I suppose next you'll be telling me that you "need your space" and that I'm "sabotaging your creativity". Go ahead, Stanley, get your goddamned cookie!
[she leaves]
Stan
...Okay.
What? I'm not kissing a girl!
Stan
Don't be a chicken dude, just close your eyes.
[Kyle hesitates, then relaxes. Bebe moves forward and plants a kiss on his lips]
Sick! Fucking sickening! [Kyle runs out of the tree house, Bebe stares]
Wow, look at that ass! Shake it, baby!!
[Bebe tries to pass a note to Kyle from across the room]
Stanley, are you passing notes to Kyle?
Stan
No, I just--
Don't lie! Lying makes you sterile!
Stan
I'm not lying! Someone just handed me--
Stanley, if you think it's so important to keep interrupting my class, then why don't you come up to the front and read your note to Kyle for everyone to hear.
Stan
But I didn't write the note!
Mr. Garrison, Stan's behavior is having an adverse effect on my education.
Stan
Shut up, Cartman!
Stanley Marsh, you come up here right now and read your note!
Stan
"Dear Kyle, you have got such a great ass. I could sleep for days on those perk cheeks, let me tell you. I'd like to live with you and wear your ass as a hat for all eternity." Whoa, dude!
Now, young man, uh... ...school is a time for learning, not for immature skylarkings.
Stan
What's skylarkings?
You know, like tomfooleries.
Stan
Who?
[Someone knocks on Mr. Mackey's door and open Mr. Mackey's door]
Oh, your parents are here.
[Randy and Sharon enter]
Stan
Oh, no.
Thank you for coming on such short notice. I was just disciplining your son for his skylarkings.
Stanley, I... Skylarkings?
Stanley, I want you to explain to me why you were passing notes in school.
Randy, let me handle this. Now Stanley, I want you to explain to me why you were passing notes in school.
Stan
It wasn't my note, dude. It was some girl's.
Okay, Stanley, we're all here to get to the root of your behavior disorder.
You really should know better, Stanley.
You need to shape up, mister.
[To Randy.] Don't interrupt me! You always interrupt me when I talk! Can't you see that I?--
[A bit testily.] I don't interrupt you.
There, you did it again! [To Mr. Mackey.] He interrupted me again.
Okay, uh -- perhaps you should let your wife finish talking, Mr. Marsh. Now, Stan, I want you to be...
Okay, I'm sorry I interrupt. But she always takes over any conversation!
[the boys have decided to enter Cartman into a bull riding contest]
What the hell makes you think "Cartman rides a bull?"
[throttling Cartman by his neck, through gritted-in-fury teeth] Because you spent all of our money on those stupid rides, fatass! Now, either you're getting on a bull or I'm gonna BREAK YOUR FUCKING HEAD OPEN!!!!
O-kay, I'll get on a bull.
All right! Now, come on! We have to practice!
Stan
[To Cartman.] He really wants those dolls.
MMary
That ride wasn't very good.
Now, Mary, you promised me we'd try to have a good time.
MMary
You're right. I'm sorry, honey, I'll try and have a good time.
Boys, I'm afraid your fat little friend has suffered head trauma.
Stan What's the matter with him.
Well, apparently, he thinks he's a Vietnamese prostitute named Ming Li.
Stan
But can he still ride a bull?
We need him to win a bull-riding contest so we can get Terrance and Phillip dolls. Can he still do it?
No, boys! You need to take him home and let him get plenty of sleep.
[After finally winning Terrance and Phillip dolls in a rigged carnival game, Stan and Kyle are shocked to see them fall to pieces in their hands.]
Stan
Dude, these dolls are cheap rip-offs!
After all that?! Shenanigans! Shenanigans! SHENANIGAAAANS!
Dude, why is your store called the Indian Burial Ground Pet Store?
SOShop Owner
Well, there was an Indian burial ground here before I bought it.
Stan
So you just built your store on top of an Indian burial ground?
SOShop Owner
Hell no! I dug up all the bodies, pissed on them, and then buried them again upside-down.
SOShop Owner
Why? I don't know why, I was drunk!
KKid
I drove all the way from Montana to see Mr. Hankey.
That's nice, kid. I knew Mr. Hankey before he was even famous.
How the hell did Mr. Hankey get so popular? Look at all this Mr. Hankey stuff. [a display is seen of Mr. Hankey caps, T-shirts, cups, figurines, and posters]
EElvin
Mr. Hankey kicks ass!
And another thing: it says that Mr. Hankey is also appearing at the Crossroads Mall!
So, how can Mr. Hankey be here, and in another mall at the same time?
Dude, Mr. Hankey has magic powers. He can do whatever he wants. [Charlie Manson and Kenny stare at each other. The line moves up]
MManson
[to Kenny] How would you like to come with me to a more secluded part of the mall?
Stan
I really like that guy.
Oh, it looks like you finished your Fudgecicle, Elvin.
[Elvin looks at his hands and actually realize that he finished his fudgesicle, then begins to cry, demanding another one]
Ah damnit, be quiet, Elvin!
[Elvin is still crying]
[grabs a stick from out of nowhere and hits him on the back of the head. Elvin is now catatonic, but manages a blink]
No, Elvin, BAD Elvin! [seeing that Elvin is not responding, he looks around]
South Park · 1,569 quotes
