Stan Marsh quotes from South Park

Stan

[rushed and monotone] Oh my God, they killed Kenny.

Kyle

[same tone] You bastards. [to the Underpants Gnome] Listen, we have to give a huge speech tomorrow about corporate takeovers!

Holy shit, we killed your friend!

Stan

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, we got to know about corporate takeovers tomorrow or we're screwed!

Christ, we squished him like a bug!

Kyle

Shh. Don't scare him.

Stan

Hey, there, little guy.

Cartman

BAD. [hits the Underpants Gnome with a stick]

Kyle

Cartman!

Cartman

What?!

Kyle

Why do you always have to hit stuff with a stick?

Cartman

Well look at him. He's all... look at him. [hits the Gnome with the stick again]

Is that all you got, pussy?

Cartman

What?!

Stan

Hey, he talked!

Not much longer now....

Cartman

Oh, you're taking us to your little pussy house?

No, pussy, I'm taking you to my village!

Cartman

Oh, your pussy village?

Stan

Cartman, will you just shut up and let him show us?

Stan

Good job, Cartman, you killed Kyle!

Kenny

[muffled] You bastard!

Cartman

Well, he shouldn't have called me fat!

Stan

Why the hell not? That's like calling the sky blue!

Cartman

Well, screw him, he's dead! Let's go look for crocodiles!

Kyle

[about the frozen man they found] His name is Steve!

Stan

His name is Gorak!

My name is Larry.

Cartman

What if you don't have any rhythm?

Miss Stevens

Excuse me?

Cartman

Well, like my friend Kyle. He's Jewish, so he doesn't have any rhythm.

Kyle

SHUT UP, FAT ASS!

Stan

Choirs suck!

[thunders angrily] KYLE BROFLOVSKI, YOU WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE! ERIC CARTMAN, YOU BE NICE TO PEOPLE! STAN MARSH, YOU MIND YOUR MANNERS! KENNY MCCORMICK, YOU PAY ATTENTION! [deep sigh; to Miss Stevens] Go ahead.

Miss Stevens

Well, uh.. that's all, really. So if anyone is interested in seeing the rainforest and joining our choir, I'll leave information packets up front.

Cartman

Oh, that's good. We need some more toilet paper. [Stan and Kyle laugh]

ALRIGHT, THAT DOES IT!

Stan

Ah! A snake!

Kyle

No, dude, that's a branch.

Stan

Oh. Ah! It's a snake!

Kyle

No, dude, that's the same branch again.

Stan

Ahhhhhh!

Miss Stevens

Stan, what is it?

Stan

Snake! [points to a snake, everyone gasps]

Oh yes, this is what we call a coral snake. Notice the red markings. Quite an amazing creature.

What's the matter, little boy?

Cartman

He's a little wuss, what's it look like?

Stan

I'm just scared of snakes.

Now, now, you must remember. This snake is more afraid of us than we are of it.

Miss Stevens

Oh, my God!

Cartman

Yeah, that snake is pretty scared of us, alright.

Miss Stevens

Jesus Christ! Is he dead?

Stan

Dude!

Kyle

My guess would be yes.

Miss Stevens

Oh, no! God, no! Now, don't panic, children...

Cartman

[hitting coral snake with a stick] Bad! That's a bad snake! [runs away as the snake starts chasing him]

Okay, Lenny, in order to keep up our long-distance relationship, we have to call each other every other day.

Kenny

Okay. [lightning bolt strikes him]

Lenny! No!

Stan

Oh my God, they killed Kenny!

Kyle

You bastards!

What? Who killed him?

Stan

Uh, they did.

Who's "they"?

Stan

You know, they.

Kyle

They're, they're bastards.

Well, don't just stand there, help him.

Kyle

Help him?

Argh! [pounds on Kenny's stomach] Breathe! [gives him CPR] Breathe! [pounds on his stomach some more] Breathe, you son of a bitch! [Kenny coughs]

Kyle

[shocked] Whoa, dude!

Stan

Ms. Stevens, you have a bug on your back.

Miss Stevens

Oh, could you swat it off? [turns around to reveal giant fly on her back]

Stan

No...

Stan

Oh, my God! They killed Kenny!

Kyle

You bastards!

Cartman

What the hell happened to him?

Stan

He just...ignited.

Stan

What are you doing, Dad?

Stanley, I think it's best you live with Kyle from now on. His dad is better than me.

Stan

No, he's not. He can't even get an erection!

He he he! Really?

Good. Boys, how would you like to perform the Stations of the Cross this Friday night?

Stan

The what?

It's like a skit, where you re-enact the death and glorious resurrection of Jesus Christ.

Kyle

Hey, res-erection! That's what my dad needs!

Stan

Well, we're going to go work on getting Kyle's dad an erection. [the boys go up the stairs]

[resumes] Yes, yes, of course. I've got work to do. [the door closes] What?

Stan

Excuse me, we're looking for Chef.

Chef?

Kyle

He's a big guy with a beard.

Stan

And a chef's hat.

Kenny

And a real huge dick.

Oh, the black guy.

Stan

huh?