A character in Mystery Science Theater 3000
Played by Kevin Murphy
Mystery Science Theater 3000 · 3,167 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in Mystery Science Theater 3000: in 1,542 of its 3,167 quotes
Most scenes with: Crow T. Robot (818), Mike Nelson (393), Joel Robinson (294)
[The film's penultimate card reads "The End?"]
The end? Yes. I mean, no. I wanna change my answer!
No. Always wonder.
[Servo waits impatiently for the card to change.]
ServoCOME ON!
[The last card fades in, thanking the city of El Paso.]
ServoThank you, El Paso! Good night! We're out of here!
We're going to take a break, we've been Manos: The Hands Of Fate.
[They leave the theater.]
[the Atlanteans charge down a hill as the short ends]
Oh; big hill, everybody!
[the screen abruptly flashes to a title card for the next episode]
ServoWell, whaddaya know?
Servo[as Lon Chaney] Man; I gotta take an indestructible whiz.
[later, over a scene of a police car] Officers, be on the lookout for donuts!
ServoJoel, those donut jokes are starting to get old real fast.
[bitterly] Oh, pardon me, Tom "I gotta take an indestructible whiz" Servo...
[Rocky Jones and Bobby are discussing the Cold Light technology they plan to use on their journey]
So you already know from the Professor.
Yes, we discussed it; and I offered him my opinion on it.
I'm sure he appreciated that.
Cold Light should never be used indiscriminately; the gamma rays would be fatal to anyone near it.
Servo[aside] Remember that, folks.
[after Winky makes a snide remark regarding Vena making him a midnight snack]
Winky thinks it's good to boss around women. He wants it to stay like the 50s forever!
Servo[as Winky] I think she likes me!
Another alcohol-free party ends in shame. This little playlet is brought to you by the Booze Council, reminding you to stock up on alcoholic beverages for all your social occasions, because booze really satisfies.
Booze takes a dull party and makes it better!
Tom ServoBooze makes you popular and heals all wounds.
B-double O-Z-E, booze! [Crow hiccups]
[singing] Leather coat...
Servo...Dish of ice cream!
...duck-bill hair.
[as café patron] Hey, would you keep it down? I'm eating a bagel over here!
Call me wild...
...Oscar Wilde!
...I don't care! Sideburns, don't need your sympathy.
ServoOh, I'm tellin' ya, Gypsy, I love you!
Really?
ServoAnd I know I'd love you, too, if only we could--
Why, you haven't a chance with a girl like her. It's me she cares for! Isn't that right, Gypsy?
I can't decide.
Can't decide? Well maybe this will help.
[introduced as he's rehearsing to a acting lessons vinyl] Look, Kate, I am a gentleman.
That I'll try.
[disgusted] Oh, great; another oily unlikable character!
I swear I'll cut you if you strike me again!
So you may lose your arm. If you strike me, you are no gentleman.
ServoIt's Ms. Hathaway!
And if no gentleman, why then no arm?
A herald, Kate! Oh, put me in thy books!
Ha-ha, what is your crest? [loops] A coxcomb? A coxcomb?
Servo[alongside the loop] A Henry Miller.
[as Mapes shuts off the record] Oh wait a minute; it's a little late for acting lessons. They started filming already.
[as the character of Leland is introduced on-screen]
ServoYou know who that is? I'll give you a hint- I sing whenever I sing, whenever I sing...
Oh no!
Servo[as Dr. Logan] I'm gonna snoop in a sock drawer. Heh-heh. [More boring filler as Dr. Logan examines the equipment. Joel and the bots doze off; Servo rests his head on Joel's shoulder, then Joel slumps left, leaving Servo snuggled in the crook of Joel's neck. Crow tilts to the right in his seat]
Dr. Logan did know where the giant was. [the three are startled awake and exclaim] In a store room in that very building. Logan had learned that massive doses of the antidote brought about an almost human appearance.
[as Dr. Logan] I did not. Quit lying!
[The circus starts with a parade of all the performers.]
ServoSupporters drummed up for the Spanish-American War.
Hey, uh, aren't the horses supposed to go behind the band?
ServoOops.
Now make way for the Ku Klux Klowns! Whoo!
ServoYes, children of all ages are confronted by forces they can't begin to understand!
Sieg heil! Sieg heil!
Okay guys, you're too dark. Would you lighten up?
ServoHow about this? Hey, look, it's Rue McClanahan.
That's better.
It's Ezekiel, the Amish clown. [chuckles] No buttons.
ServoOh, look, it's Ice Princess Zebra.
[Emmett Kelly appears in the parade.]
Hey, it's Emmett Kelly.
ServoThat's good.
No, it really is.
ServoWhatever, Joel.
[As Crow hums to the music, a clown with a police outfit and fake beard appears up close to the screen and salutes, causing Joel and the Bots to get startled and yelp. As the narrator is herd speaking inaudibly, another clown with short hair and wearing a hat turn to the camera with a grin; Joel and the bots scream in horror.]
It's Liza!
[A bald clown appears up close to the camera as Joel and the bots clamor in terror from the sight of him.]
ServoHELLRAISER!! NO!!!
[The narrator mentions Emmett Kelly over a shot of him eating a sandwich]
See? Emmett changed management soon after this.
[Shot of the crowd cheering]
We love it when he eats!
A rogue elephant snaps its tether and kills a coolie.
ServoNOW who's getting dark? Hehe, I like it.
[After speaking with Jimmy, Mr. Warren looks at Jimmy's sales file with concern.]
Hmm. I didn't know he had a prison record. Says here he's wanted in Idaho.
Hmm? What in the world? Assault with a deadly weapon?!
AKA "The Pantsless Salesman" or "The Piddling Peddler"?!
What? He got a D in trigonometry?
But he is a Pieces with a moon in Aries.
I'd fire him if he weren't my son.
[Mr. Warren does a quick glance at the sales record board, then puts down the file and stands up.]
Are you there, Lord?
Hello, wall.
Well, there's a blue steak and a pitcher of martinis with my name on it.
[Mr. Warren looks at the board again, which shows that most salesmen have sold only a few cars during the month.]
That's nearly impossible. No one under my employ has ever sold a car!
Well, I guess no one wins a Mathis album.
If I could read, I'd know what the problem is.
Oh, here's the problem. I forgot to carry the two!
[Joel, Tom, Crow, and Gypsy are performing "Hired! The Musical"]'
[[in a whisper] He's hired. He's hired. He's hired. He's hired.
[singing] I'm hired
[singing] He's hired.
[singing] I hope I don't get fired.
[singing] He's hired.
[singing] In forty years I'll be retired. But for now, I'm simply hired.
[singing] He's hired. He's hired. He's hired. He's hired.
[singing] I got a job today.
[singing] He's hired.
[singing] I'm selling Chevrolets.
[singing] He's hired.
[singing] I'm bringing home good pay.
[singing] He's hired.
[singing] I just got hired
[singing] He's hired. He's hired. He's hired. He's hired. He got a job today.
[singing] Yeah, me!
[singing] He's selling Chevrolets.
[singing] We're gonna get awnings.
[singing] He's bringing home good pay.
[singing] I'm hired
[singing] Maybe even dessert
[singing at same time with bots next line] I'm hired!
[singing] He just got hired! HIRED!
Mike NelsonMichael J. Nelson · 824 quotes
Joel RobinsonJoel Hodgson · 542 quotes
NNarrator224 quotes
JJonah171 quotes
GGypsy75 quotes
EEmily69 quotes
CFDr. Clayton Forrester57 quotes
PFPearl Forrester26 quotes
MMax22 quotes
KFKinga Forrester21 quotes
JPJack Perkins20 quotes
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.