Pearl Forrester quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

And now, sit back and enjoy this special nine-part series, Overdrawn at the Memory Bank, starring the late Raul Julia, a very wonderful actor. What was he doing in this piece of sh... surely, very quality, quality programming?

I'll see if Bombadil has a place to crash.

I knew these two would get along.

I invite you to suffer through today's movie. It's called Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders, and it's a delightful Bambi romp through a flowery fairy land of happy, harmless, fru-fru family fun for the whole family of all ages ... or IS IT!? Taste the rainbow of fruit pain!

Brain-Dead, let's send these guys, Track of the Moon Beast. It stars nobody, and features nothing. I hope you gag on it.

Look, Nelson. Move on. I am.

It's another one for Emily, and it's called "The Wonder of Reproduction," and as the mother of a mad scientist, I can wholeheartedly tell you it's no wonder that I never did that again.

Gentlemen, this is going to be a wild game of Mousetrap.

[as a group of kids leave a Driver's Education vehicle] Okay, this time you kids buy beer for me.

I saved you and the whole galaxy! Aren't you proud?

You mean they watched the movie, and I didn't get to watch them watching the movie? Bobo, get rid of my [pod clone] body. Brain guy, send them the movie - again.

MOVIE SIGN! AGAIN!

What the hell is going on here? Thinking Every Which Way But Loose is the best ape movie... what do you know about ape movies? The best ape movie- the best ape movie- ever is Dunston Checks In; end of story. [adresses the Satelite of Love, unaware Mike is behind her] Until next time, Nelson, fresh pain awaits!

Mike

Uh, I'm right here.

Oh... [turns around to face Nelson] ...until next time, Nelson, fresh pain awaits!

Observer

Pants party!

[as crowd whoops and cheers] These are remarkable, and vastly superior to our own apparel!

[sighs] Ah; that's better.

[greeting the crowd] Citizens, if you haven't already noticed- I'm wearing pants.

Observer

Well, it's not me, Pearl! I'm sensing the presence of several disembodied souls… [increasingly melodramatically] wandering these dark halls in search of surcease, an end to their endless night… a howl of quiet desperation… towards an indifferent universe. Nepenthe! Nepenthe!

You are so gay.

Observer

I could be wrong.

Mike

I am entering the actual structure now. It appears to be a barn of some sort, or it... no, it's an eatery. It is an eatery. I will approach one of the patrons and attempt to gather information on my... whereabouts...

[Looking at the back of her cereal box] Brain Guy.

Observer

Yeah. [Summons a cannon which points at Mike]

Mike

Ahh! OK, I'll get back up and watch my movie, wh- ah... which is, uh, what again?

[Still reading the back of her cereal box] "Werewolf".

Mike

"Werewolf", right. Uh, Brain Guy, you wouldn't want to beam me back up, would you?

Observer

[Still reading the back of his cereal box] No.

Mike

Didn't think so, just checking. I'll... get back up and watch my... [Hastily climbs back up the ladder]

Ew, wizard whiz!

Drain the wizard!