East Eddie quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

[recurring line] Shut up, Iris.

Anything...

Joel

...Is better than this crap!

Don't you ever rob anybody else?!

Sure; but we like you!

Joel

[as Iris, sitting in the getaway car] I thought they liked me.

[singing] Leather coat...

Servo

...Dish of ice cream!

...duck-bill hair.

[as café patron] Hey, would you keep it down? I'm eating a bagel over here!

Call me wild...

Joel

...Oscar Wilde!

...I don't care! Sideburns, don't need your sympathy.

Servo

They're running out of Alt!

And their Miffnots [MPH KNOTS] are goin' down!

Nick!

I was shaving this morning and got a nick!

[irritated] Get up! You're all right.

Oh, she can finally clean that fan.

Feast your eyes on this.

Servo

Anything to take our eyes off of that.

That's a Tuscarora!

No, that's a pearl.

It's worth a thousand pesos, maybe more. Where'd you get it?

From a wet scared guy.

Can you fence it?

Fence? Hell, it'll go like wildfire! These are rare, I haven't seen one in years.

There's a lot more where that came from.

Servo

I got a guy shoving sand into oysters as we speak.

I'll supply, you deal, we'll split down the middle.

Splitting it? That's almost like half!

[shaking East Eddie's hand] Put 'er there, pard!

You got it, 'ner!

Eddie, you got money, and I'm a diver. Now all we need's a boat and some good equipment. You can pick 'em up for a song. Just give me a small advance, I can have us moving in a couple of days.

Uh, is she washing him with a chicken cutlet?

Listen, I know where you're coming from, and the idea's out of sight, but I want Vic Mathias in on this. He's an expert diver, he has his own boat, and he knows the islands like the back of his hand.

It's no good, it won't work. If we bring him in, we've got to make it a three-way scene.

So we'll split it three ways!

Ugh, but we're a dynamic duo, not a terrific trio!

No, we don't need him!

I want him! He'll keep us honest.

What are we, crooks?

Eddie, believe me, I know the region better than Mathias. I lived on the islands for five years, I've covered every inch of 'em. We can do it alone! Just tell me where you found them. It's probably an island I used to live on.

[hysterical] You can't live on an island! It's surrounded by WATER! How would you even get there??? HA HA HA!!!

I'm speaking to him in a dialect he can't refuse to understand!

Esperanto.

The truth!

Is East Eddie the bad guy???

And you talk to me in English!

Servo

That's why American tourists are beloved the world over.