A character in Mystery Science Theater 3000
Played by Kevin Murphy
Mystery Science Theater 3000 · 3,167 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in Mystery Science Theater 3000: in 1,542 of its 3,167 quotes
Most scenes with: Crow T. Robot (818), Mike Nelson (393), Joel Robinson (294)
[Lemminkäinen navigates down a river while paddling atop a log.]
[singing with Norwegian accent] If everybody had a spruce tree, across Finlandia...
[singing with Norwegian accent] I vish they all could be Norvegian girls...
[Lemminkäinen and Ilmarinen demand the release of Ilmarinen's sister from the witch Louhi, as reward for plowing the witch's field. The witch is hesitant to comply, and demands more.]
Forge a Sampo! Or you'll never see the face of your pretty sister again.
Can we see the other parts?
ServoCrimeny, better look up what a Sampo is quick, I think she's serious!
[Bowing to the witch's demand, Ilmarinen builds a Sampo by throwing stuff into a magic fire.]
With this wool, will I clothe you!
With these teeth, will you bite me!
[The young people run to the village center to celebrate Lemminkäinen's return after destroying their Sampo to keep it from the witch.]
Huzzah, everyone! Did you hear there is no Sampo?
Yah, it's really too bad.
No Sampo, eh? Bummer.
Let us be gay, for he is a dickweed.
[The village women, holding hands, dance in a great circle.]
I'm so glad it's a dry celebration! It's so much more fun than the kegger would have been!
[Now the young men and women of the village dance in a ring, while Joel and the Bots sing.]
He failed to bring back the Sampo!
Sampo!
We shall die of starvation!
Sampo!
Well to be honest, everybody, we don't know what a Sampo is.
Not a clue.
ServoIf you know what a Sampo is, write it on a piece of paper, throw it away and then try not to think about it. You'll be glad you did.
Sampo!
[On the SOL bridge, Gypsy takes the stage wearing a coat]
Ladies and gentlemen, presenting in her one woman show: Gypsy!
Here we go!
Ssshh!
[singing] There’s a big frontier out there called life, I ain’t nobody’s daughter, I ain’t nobody’s wife, I’m gonna stake my very own claim of land, And you’re gonna wanna know who I am… I’m Gypsy! Gypsy Rose Me! Gypsy Rose, not you! Not you! Or you! Gypsy Rose… Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
[Joel, Crow, and Tom applaud]
Thank you! Oh, thank you very much. You know, we're all traveling; You, me, that little gold guy over there. We're traveling on the big trip of life, and sometimes it turns out we haven't packed the right clothes for our personal journey. :[Gypsy takes off her coat, revealing a pink outfit underneath] "I've been struggling to make ends meet. The social worker stops by today, but we'll get by, somehow..." Thank you.
[Joel, Crow, and Tom applaud again. Gypsy takes off her pink dress, revealing a golden sparkling outfit.]
"I'm sick of fighting with you, boyfriend! But I'm not going to walk out that door; No sir, I'm going to run out that door!" Thank you, Thank you.
[Everyone applauds.]
Hey, is my act interfering with your conversation, buddy? [Crow, Joel and Tom laugh heartily] You get three guys together, huh? What, some sort of love connection screwup? [Crow, Joel and Tom laugh again]
Yay!
Oh, thank you, thank you. What a night, everybody! But before I go, I want to tell you a little story; A story about a gal who ran the higher functions of a little satellite in a synchronous orbit, A gal that everyone thought was perhaps, a little slow, a little naïve, a little... simple. But let me tell you something about that gal. She has spirit, she had guts! and most of all, she had a huge heart. That gal was on her journey and when her luggage ended up on another planet, that gal picked herself up, dusted herself off and wore the same outfit 2 days in a row. That plucky little gal, is... me!
[After speaking with Jimmy, Mr. Warren prepares some paperwork with concern.]
Hmm. I didn't know he had a prison record. Says here he's wanted in Idaho.
Hmm? What in the world?! "Assault with a deadly weapon"?!
A.K.A., the "Pantsless Salesman"? Or the "Piddling Peddler"?!
Bride of the Monster (movie)
[Joel's Invention Exchange is a machine that merges comic strips.]
Ziggy had Garfield neutered?! Now that's funny!
Hired! Part 2 (short)
[Warren has a sales meeting with all his employees.]
We're gonna have leadership the way my old man told me! You, put a handkerchief on your head! You, swat at imaginary elves! You, rock on the porch all night!
Sales are the most important thing in this business.
Seeing as how we're salesmen, and all.
We're gonna work closer together than we have in the past in order to get more sales.
But first -- martinis!
Jimmy, I want to talk with you first.
'Cause you've got the most problems.
[Torgo, whose thighs and knees appear to be hugely swollen, shambles unevenly to fetch luggage.]
Ah… that's not how you wear your Depends, Torgo.
Been hitting the Thighmaster, Torgo?
. . .
ServoLike having Joe Cocker as your bellhop.
[The Master has just awoken his wives, now chattering in a circle as he looks on, annoyed.]
What was I thinking?
Women who lunch.
And the Manos who love them -- next Donahue.
. . .
You know, this scene is strong enough for a Manos, but made for a Womanos.
Servo...and now, back to We Married Manos!
[The wives, clad in white, diaphanous robes, are fighting each other.]
Well, the talks broke down at this point.
ServoLooks like the Russian Parliament.
Next on ESPN, full contact nightgown wrestling!
Designing Women, the lost episodes.
And now, the Manos Women's Guild will reenact the Battle of Pearl Harbor.
You know, this was the alternate ending to Beaches.
I see London, I see France, I see everybody's underpants!
. . .
ServoYou know, this isn't Lysistrata. I like it, but it isn't Lysistrata!
. . .
You know after this they're gonna laugh and cry and pierce each others ears.
. . .
It's the Wilson Phillips breakup.
. . .
ServoI'm guessing this is the whole reason this movie was made.
[As black smoke rises from a pyre, the Master beckons Torgo to rise from the floor.]
Servo[singing to "Smoke on the Water"] Smoke on the weirdo…
Come here.
The new Pope has not been chosen.
[During a driving scene]
Meanwhile, in Toledo...
ServoNo, wait. Did this movie just lap itself?
. . .
This must be a weekly series.
[As the end credits roll...]
Crew? They had a crew!? I do not believe they had a crew!
Okay, everybody pick out someone you wanna punch.
ServoWhere to start?
Mike NelsonMichael J. Nelson · 824 quotes
Joel RobinsonJoel Hodgson · 542 quotes
NNarrator224 quotes
JJonah171 quotes
GGypsy75 quotes
EEmily69 quotes
CFDr. Clayton Forrester57 quotes
PFPearl Forrester26 quotes
MMax22 quotes
KFKinga Forrester21 quotes
JPJack Perkins20 quotes
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.