[Joel's Invention Exchange is a machine that merges comic strips.]
JSJoel, Servo, Crow
Ziggy had Garfield neutered?! Now that's funny!
Hired! Part 2 (short)
“Manos: The Hands of Fate” · Season 4
In this episode: Joel Robinson (15), Crow T. Robot (12), Tom Servo (12), Jack Perkins (2), Dr. Clayton Forrester (1), TV's Frank (1), Jimmy (1)
[The short begins]
CCrow
Previously on "Hired!"
[Warren has a sales meeting with all his employees.]
JAJoel [as Warren]
We're gonna have leadership the way my old man told me! You, put a handkerchief on your head! You, swat at imaginary elves! You, rock on the porch all night!
WMr. Warren
Sales are the most important thing in this business.
SAServo [as Warren]
Seeing as how we're salesmen, and all.
WMr. Warren
We're gonna work closer together than we have in the past in order to get more sales.
JAJoel [as Warren]
But first -- martinis!
WMr. Warren
Jimmy, I want to talk with you first.
CACrow [as Warren]
'Cause you've got the most problems.
[Warren and Jimmy are having a meeting to discuss sales techniques.]
WMr. Warren
I'll go along with you this morning, Jimmy, on these first two calls.
Gee, that'll be swell, Mr. Warren. I'll sure appreciate your help. I always learn something, too, when we go out together.
CACrow [as Jimmy]
Yeah, maybe I can kiss your butt on the way out, huh? How about that?
[While on a test drive, the film cuts suddenly to show the salesman and customer have switched places.]
Zintar gets the most sales because he's a shapeshifter!
[Another clean-cut salesman in a three-piece suit talks to Mr. Warren.]
JAJoel [as Senator McCarthy?]
Are you now, or have you ever been, a Ford owner?
Manos: The Hands of Fate (movie)
[A jazz singer is heard over the opening credits.]
I guess they picked up Shirley Bassey hitchhiking.
MMichael
Where did this place come from? It wasn't here a few minutes ago.
CCrow
Maybe it's Brigadoon.
You know, every frame of this movie looks like someone's last known photograph.
[Torgo, whose thighs and knees appear to be hugely swollen, shambles unevenly to fetch luggage.]
Ah… that's not how you wear your Depends, Torgo.
CCrow
Been hitting the Thighmaster, Torgo?
. . .
Like having Joe Cocker as your bellhop.
[Michael goes outside to find the source of the howls.]
JAJoel [as Michael]
Hey, look -- I know you're an evil hellbeast, but could you hold it down?! It's after nine, and we got kids!
[The Master has just awoken his wives, now chattering in a circle as he looks on, annoyed.]
CACrow [as The Master]
What was I thinking?
JAJoel [as Announcer]
Women who lunch.
SAServo [as Announcer]
And the Manos who love them -- next Donahue.
. . .
You know, this scene is strong enough for a Manos, but made for a Womanos.
...and now, back to We Married Manos!
[The wives, clad in white, diaphanous robes, are fighting each other.]
CCrow
Well, the talks broke down at this point.
Looks like the Russian Parliament.
JAJoel [as Announcer]
Next on ESPN, full contact nightgown wrestling!
CCrow
Designing Women, the lost episodes.
SAServo [as Prof. Canning]
And now, the Manos Women's Guild will reenact the Battle of Pearl Harbor.
You know, this was the alternate ending to Beaches.
CCrow
I see London, I see France, I see everybody's underpants!
. . .
You know, this isn't Lysistrata. I like it, but it isn't Lysistrata!
. . .
You know after this they're gonna laugh and cry and pierce each others ears.
. . .
CCrow
It's the Wilson Phillips breakup.
. . .
I'm guessing this is the whole reason this movie was made.
MThe Master
Silence!
Is golden!
MThe Master
Silence!
Is golden!
[The Master stands in Torgo's room as Torgo awakens from sleep and slowly gets up from the bed, which results in about a minute-long period of silence and nothing happening.]
[snapping] DO SOMETHING!!! God!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.