You know, often people stop me on the street and they ask, "What's it really like? This world of Deep 13?" Well, rather than go on and on, taking advantage of my privileged position as confidant to these two enigmatic dilettantes, I ask simply in return, "Have you seen Pod People?" And now you'll be able to say "Yes, I have seen Pod People." From plotting, to characterization, to cinematography, not to mention the unbelievable use of fog and syntho-rock, this is what you can expect from Deep 13 and the Mystery Science Theater Hour. Enjoy.
Pod People was made right on the heels of that enchanting blockbuster, E.T., which grossed over half a billion dollars worldwide. Pod People didn't do nearly as well, in fact it didn't even do nearly as well as Mac and Me. Oh well.
Today's movie is called Daddy-O, a real gem, starring singer Dick Contino, who is still packing them in in Las Vegas. As aged as this film is, it still looks surprisingly "hip" or "modern" — a strong testament to the care that went into every frame. I'm afraid some of the hipper lingo is lost on these aging ears, but no matter. I'm betting Crow, Servo, Gypsy, and Joel can take the heat of Daddy-O. So turn it all the way up to eleven, and let's rock this mother!
You know, I can't help but admit a certain fondness for the swinging happy days. It takes me back my tattered leather jacket and pompadour. I eagerly and frequently traded knuckle sandwiches with the best minds of my generation. I, too, howled. Awoo!
You know, Christmas depresses millions, but I must admit, I sky during the holidays, and when I see some slump-shouldered gloomy-gus walking forlornly through the festooned mall area of my home town, I wanna shake him and shout, "Suck it up! What have you got to be sorry for?!" ... but I resist.
Did you know the delightful "Hooray for Santa Claus" theme song was released as a single? And that Santa Claus Conquers was also released as a Dell comic book? Well, as those charming stand-up comedians say, "Give me more of that!"
Welcome back, dear viewers, to the conclusion of The Day the Earth Froze on the Mystery Science Theater Hour. I can't wait to get started, but first let's take a look at what happened in part one. The beautiful ornithologist Annikki is wooed by Übermensch Lemminkäinen, ace log rider. Meanwhile, the evil witch of the mountain kidnapped Annikki to coerce Annikki's brother into making a Sampo, a coveted, yet delightfully vague prize. Annikki's brother and Lemminkäinen rush to rescue the maiden. I can't wait to get started, I confess, I'm rather taken by that fetching Swedish hotcake of a witch. [laughs] Part two of The Day the Earth Froze. Grrr!
[imitating Torgo] "The Master is always here." "The Master will not like it." [laughs] Boy, that Master's got a lot to learn about the hospitality business, doesn't he? I mean that is a weird hotel! By the by, manos is actually Spanish for "hands," so today's film is Hands: the Hands of Fate. Isn't that sneaky?
I hate to say it, but there was one thing about this movie that to me, didn't make much sense. That father seemed like an intelligent fellow, but my gosh he did a terrible job planning that vacation! One hard lesson I've learned is that you've got to plan every step of every day, and that only goes double when you're traveling! It just makes my skin crawl to see a vacation ruined by bad planning! So if you can, join us next time on the Mystery Science Theater Hour, but please be careful.
Now I must warn you, the Sinbad in today's film is not quite the swarthy adventurer of yore, he resembles my Uncle Phil — A slim whiskery fellow who manages a tobacco store.
[juggling and wearing a clown headdress] Bonswa, dear friends. I, too, dreamed of the circus as an escape from my stifling home life. I still grow nostalgic at the smell of grease paint, and elephant hair, and... oh I do so long to punch a clown.
Hey, regarding the catfish we saw nuzzling Poseidon, isn't the catfish a freshwater creature? By the way, if you're looking for a great catfish bait, take a big gob of liver sausage and mix it all up with a couple of dozen of those big juicy nightcrawlers. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised by the results.
Well, kiddies, I'm sorry, but I'm going to be pulling the plug on your all-too-precious Thanksgiving. We won't be watching E.T. Instead, we're going to be watching this crumby Czechoslovakian ripoff called Pod People.
TSTV's Frank
Oh, come on. I thought we were going to have the TV off after dinner.
JPJack Perkins
If anyone's interested, I'm going to be reading from Dylan Thomas's enchanting work titled A Child's Christmas in Wales.
Well, at least you and I can watch this together. If you're wondering in your family whether to watch my show, Mystery Science Theater 3000, or E.T.: the Extraterrestrial, make things go your way and spoil things for your friends and family by telling them at the end of the movie, E.T. goes home. Ball's in your court, Spielberg! Oh and by the way, I'm dating Amy Irving, and she's hot.
[drunk and wandering over to the camera] Hello, Linda Ellerbee, if you are out there, I've got something to say to you. Isn't it ironic that I'm pulling out about six figures a year in my cushy cable job, while you're out there peddling Maxwell House co- [Forrester shocks him with a cattle prod] AAAGH!
TSTV's Frank
Heh... he's a bit into the Harvey's Bristol Cream.
Mystery Science Theater 3000 · 3,167 quotes
