Milhouse Van Houten quotes from The Simpsons

Bart

Fine, you can be our coach.

Lisa

Thanks. You can be the free safety.

Bart

Wrong sport.

Lisa

I mean, the point guard.

Bart

Also wrong.

Lisa

I'm gonna do a little research.

Bart

A little is not gonna be enough, honey pie.

Lisa

Don't call me "honey pie".

Bart

You got it, tootsie pop.

Lisa

[grunts]

Get a room, you two.

Lisa

We're brother and sister.

So are my parents, I think.

Bart Simpson

It's just a game. We're not really hurting anybody. [accidentally hits Milhouse in the eye with controller]

My non-lazy eye!

You don't want me to be with you, you don't want me to be with someone else. How miserable do I have to be before you're happy?

Lisa

Milhouse, I...I...oh. [Lisa kisses Milhouse]

Lisa, does this mean you like me?

Lisa

Yes. No! I don't know! It means that life is full of unexpected things and you should never give up. And you're cute in the moonlight. [Milhouse faints and falls off the cliff. A bald eagle flies up with Milhouse on its back]

Everything's coming up Milhouse [Lisa smiles]

Lisa

Actually, I do have a speech prepared.

Skinner

Excellent, Lisa. Freeplay cancelled.

Aww.

Bart

No one cancels my freeplay.

Bart

Sorry, man.

It's OK, thanks for making me part of the revolution.

I really need that cootie shot, my dog and I accidentally touched tongues.

Bart

How is this accidentally when it's the fifth time?

These aren't dinosaurs! Dinosaurs sing! [throws Barney doll into a dinosaur's mouth]

[getting scared] I wanna go back inside mommy. [tries to hide under Sarah's skirt]

Lisa

How did my daughter turn into my brother?

Don't blame me. When we had her, they used only the best genetic material - which meant none of mine.

Why don't you take Zia to your parents for Christmas, while I nurse my allergies in one of the non-Christmas celebrating states?

Lisa

You could go back to Michigan. It's still under Sharia law.

Yeah, but they always make me wear a veil.

Mom? Why are you here?

Lisa

I was worried. I thought I would find-

What? Me flashing my boobs on Unripemelons.com?

Lisa

What? No! It doesn't matter what I thought. I'm sorry I spied on you. But what I found, is, my daughter looks up to me!

Well, of course I do! I look up to both my parents!

Could somebody FedEx me a prayer mat? And quick!

But I especially look up to you.

I can't wait to use your moves on Lisa.

Lisa

Eww. On every level, eww.

Why are you doing this, Bart?

Bart

50% attention-seeking, 50% to drop things on people.

He's gonna visit my sky granny.

Bart

[sobs] Skinner didn't let me go. [sobs]

Homer

Really? Oh. I bet that submarine isn't so fun anyway.

Bart

[sniffs] You think so?

Fire that torpedo, Milhouse!

Aye-aye! [presses a button] Where did it go?

It was just imaginary.

[after getting beaten up by Nelson] I'm afraid I don't remember.

Bart

[relieved] Whew.

Kearney

[stretching a rubber bracelet] Crouch or forehead?

Dolph

Forehead, for once. [Kearney shoots the rubber bracelet like a slingshot at Milhouse's forehead]

Wha? [He starts to remember about Nelson beating Milhouse up during the school race]

[to Bart, angrily] Bart Simpson! You ran away when I was getting beat up!

Bart's a coward!

Krusty

He lied to us!

Bart

You did it, Homer, you saved me from the bullies, you're the coolest kid I've ever met.

What about me?

Bart

You're in the top hundred.

Booyah!

Bart

Now you're not.