Stupid Isotopes. Hurry up and lose so we can get outta here!
Why do you hate the Isotopes so much, Dad?
Because I loved them once and they broke my heart. Let that be a lesson to you, sweetie. Never love anything.
But you gotta support the team, Dad! They're already threatening to move to Moose Jaw.
MargeThat's right! Like my mother always said, you've got to stick it out, even if you picked the loser ... [sees Homer picking at his ear and looking at his finger afterward] ...to the bitter end.
CCommentator
[about Babe Ruth IV] He's pointing to the stands, possibly at a dying little boy.
[to Marge, after realizing he's been pointed at] Mom, am I dying?!
Marge
[sympathetically] No.
[whispering] Is he, Mom? You can tell me.
Marge
No!
CCommentator
[as Babe Ruth gets ready] Is he indicating a bunt? Yes, he's bunting.
[The other team catch him straight away, and he trudges off forlornly]
Marge
Good hustle, kid!
WWiggum
All right, you kids, come down now. We promise we won't kill ya.
Speak for yourself! Bart, get down here! I'm gonna spank you back to the Stone Age!
You can't make us come down!
You adults are always giving orders!
Well, you kids are always disobeying them!
Well, adults treat kids like children!
Kids treat adults like cash machines!
[Song starts]
Kids! You've had your fun, now we've had our fill!
Yeah! You're only here because Marge forgot her pill!
Marge
[embarrassed] Hmm...
WWiggum
Kids! You're all just scandalizing, vandalizing punks! [catches Nelson spray-painting "Oink" on his backside]
Channel-hopping, Ritalin-popping monkeys! [But please don't quit the fan-club!]
Marge
Kids! I can nag and nag till my hair turns blue!
Kids! You bum my smokes and don't say thank you!
RTRod and Todd
Why can't you be like we are? [they get hit with tomatoes]
AAdults
Oh, what a bunch of brats!
We oughta drown you just like cats! [Snowball II jumps out of his sack]
Adults! You run our lives like you're Colonel Klink!
Adults! You strut around like your farts don't stink!
Adults! You're such a drooling, snoring, boozing, boring bunch! Surly, meanie, three-martini lunchers!
Adults! They're always telling us to--
[grabs Milhouse with his cane] Shut your traps!
Eh... we're all fed up with all of you whippersnaps! [Milhouse screams and runs]
OFOld Folks
We're trying to get some sleep here! It's almost 6:15! What's the matter with...
AAdults
Don't you treat us like...
KKids
Can't you just lay off...
OFOld Folks
We're sick of all of you...
EEveryone
KIDS...TO...DAY!
[Song ends]
We're gonna teach all you rugrats a lesson!
Oh yeah? Pfft! What can you old people do to us?
Buzz off, you old buzzards!
[The adults and kids all angry throw taunts and insults at the old folks]
You're wrinkly, somebody should iron you.
Marge
But I fell in love with Homer Simpson. I don't wanna snuggle with Max Power.
MMax (Homer)
Nobody snuggles with Max Power - you strap yourself in and feel the G's! [performs a hip gyration]
Marge
Oh, Lord!
MMax
And it doesn't stop in the bedroom. Oh no! I'm taking charge! Kids, there's three ways to do things. The right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way.
Isn't that the wrong way?
MMax
Yeah, but faster! [walks into a cactus] D'oh!
We should really put that in the corner.
Boy, that Stone Phillips sounds like quite a bloke. What television network is he on?
NBC has lots of great shows, and their news and sports coverage can't be beat.
Do you think there's anything great on NBC right now?
Marge
But there's only one way to find out...
[cut to the closing credits]
[voice-over] I'd like to read the following statement, but I do so under ... [sound of gun cocking]... my own free will. It has come to my attention that NBC sucks. I apologize for misleading you and urge you to watch as many Fox shows as possible. So in summary, NBC - bad. Fox - good. [very softly] CBS great.
[sound of gunshot, followed by a thud. The Gracie Films logo appears, accompanied by three more gunshots]
[wearing chicken over his underpants] Look at me, Lise, I'm Baron Von Chicken Pants! [clucks like a chicken]
Bart, that's tomorrow night's dinner.
You're tomorrow night's dinner.
Mom! Bart took what I said and turned it into an insult!
Marge
[polishing the car] That's nice, dear!
FTFemale Trucker
There goes the finest trucker who ever lived.
He called me "greenhorn." I called him Tony Randall. It was a thing we had.
MTMale Trucker
In 38 years, he never missed a shipment. But I guess this is one delivery old Red won't be making.
Oh, yes he will....and on time, too.
Marge
Oh no, Homer, no.
I got to, honey. I owe it to Red as both his friend and his killer.
Oh, let me go with you, Dad.
[The Simpsons watch as their neighborhood is engulfed by The Apocalypse]
Marge
Oh, no, it's the Apocalypse! Bart, are you wearing clean underwear?
It's Rapture, and I never knew true love.
I never used those pizza coupons.
[Homer tries to build a barbecue pit, but all the set's content spills out of box and onto cement bed, and when he takes them out and puts them on the barrow filled with bricks, the bricks fall in as well; Homer then tries to put the pit together as much as he can before the concrete dries, but the instructions are covered in wet cement]
English side ruined! Must use French instructions! Le grille? What the hell is that?!
[Cut to some time later, as it appears the pit was built exactly as the box showed]
Yeah, that's one fine looking barbecue pit. [it is revealed to be the design on the box, as the real end result is a jumbled mess] WHY DOESN'T MINE LOOK LIKE THAT?! [finally snaps, then starts hitting the mess of a pit with a crowbar] WHY?! WHY MUST LIFE BE SO HARD?! WHY MUST I FAIL AT EVERY ATTEMPT AT MASONRY?!?!?
[Cut to kitchen, as Marge is making a cake and Bart is licking a popsicle]
Marge
How's your father's project coming along?
I think he's almost done. [He looks out, as we see Homer charge towards pit with an umbrella while screaming, shove it into an opening, and fall backwards as it opens up] Yeah, he's done.
[Homer is getting hit by soup cans thrown by Andy Warhol]
AWAndy Warhol
Soup's on, fat boy.
[Homer is on the ground whimpering. Warhol approaches him with a larger soup can. Homer awakes from the dream.]
Marge
Homer! Homer!
[waking up] Oh, Marge! Why does art hate me? I never did anything to art. [he holds up his arm, his fist is through one of Andy Warhol's Soup Can paintings] Oh. Let's get out of here.
Marge
Homie, I'm really happy you sold your sculpture, but don't you think it may have been a fluke?
Hey, I've always had an interest in art, dating back to my schoolgirl days when I painted portrait after portrait of Ringo Starr.
Marge
That's my life you're describing!
I think I remember my own life, Marge.
Why don't people like my art anymore?
Marge
Homer, I know you worked hard, but all of your ... things were kind of the same.
Hey, Ray Jay Johnson never changed his act, and he's more popular now than he's ever been.
"You can call him Ray, or you can call him Jay, or you can call him Ray Jay, but you doesn't have to call him..."
The Simpsons · 3,477 quotes
