Bart Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Homer

Finally, a supermarket with a clear premise - island something.

Bart

It's like going to Hawaii without all the murderous locals.

Now, I believe that to solve Homer's problem, he must face what's inside the coffin.

Homer

Forget it, Doc. What if that's my marriage in there?

Bart

Marriage, shmarriage. What's in the box, man? [he opens the coffin, causing the fishes out of the coffin]

Homer

[angrily] See what your monkeyshines have done, boy?

Bart

Still smells better than your gym socks, man.

Homer

[turns red in anger] Why you little... [angrily strangles Bart] I'll teach you to make fun of my socks.

Bart

Mom! Dad! I woke up and the money jar was full! That means the devil accepted my bargain. Now, to uphold my end of the deal! Snowball II!

Marge

[Puts her hand on his shoulder] No!

Grampa

Unfortunately, like all true stories, this one has a crappy ending.

Bart

You have a story with an ending.

Bart

He's alive!

Marge

And he didn't pee on the floor.

Grampa

For me, that's a perfect day.

Bart

Dad, what would you do if you got my ear in the mail?

Homer

I don't know; feed it to the dog.

Bart

You'd have to wrap cheese around it.

Homer

Don't you tell me how to feed you to the dog!

Bart

Looks like Mr. Vanilla just grew some chocolate chips.

Seymour

Save your analogies for the analogy portion of the exam.

Lisa

So how's the studying going?

Bart

When I start, I'll tell you. [lies down on the bed]

Lisa

[sensually obsolete] This is the most selfish thing you've ever done! You're letting your friends go hang because you are lazy, and selfish-- [Bart closes his eyes slowly] hey, are you falling asleep just to spite me?

Lisa

Spinach Farm, huh? You talk in your sleep!

Bart

Lisa, I want to pass the test, but I need your help and I had all sorts of problems. Lack of attention, I'm afraid of ovals, I only know 24 letters-- (Lisa closes her eyes that Bart done earlier) don't you fall asleep on me!

Bart

All you need to know is that I'm a politeness monster who eats "pleases" and farts "thank yous", ma'am.

Lisa

I'm exactly the kind of kid he's pretending to be.

Marge

Kids, your father and I have decided we're not in such a hurry to get you guardians.

Homer

Instead of concentrating on dying, we're going to concentrate on living.

Bart

If you call this living.

Homer

[turns red with anger] Why, you little... [furiously lunges at Bart and angrily strangles him] I do call this living. Living the way kids in lndia can only dream of.

Lisa

There is nothing like your biological family.

Bart

Dad, what are you watching?

Homer

I think it's a Terrence Malick movie.

Bart

[to Lisa] Your father wasted his life his whole life being married to your mother and having you. We got to find him a boyfriend before it's too late.

Lisa

Why don't you put a personal ad on the Internet? That's how young people date these days.

Bart

It's weird that you don't consider yourself a young person.

Lisa

I know. It's weird to me too.

Homer

Boy, why are your friends so dirty?

Bart

Dunno. Why are your friends such drunks?

Homer

Touche.

Lisa

Bart, why is the dad I've always wished for creeping me out?

Bart

I don't know, 'cause you're incapable of experiencing joy?

Lisa

Point taken.