SpongeBob SquarePants Season 5 quotes

Patrick

I'm sorry, SpongeBob, but you've become a negative influence!

SpongeBob

How long was I gone? [SpongeBob finds Krusty Krab partially buried in sand] No! No! [cries desperately]

I am Mrs. Gristlepuss. We are The United Organization Of Fish Against Things That Are Fun And Delicious. Or, T.U.O.O.F.A.T.T.A.F.A.D. for short. And we are going to ban these so called "Krabby Patties" and close your restaurant forever!

What the...

SpongeBob

[pops up] Mrs. Gristlepuss, maybe if you were to taste the Krabby Patty for yourself, you too could experience the awesome pleasure.

I would soon the sprout legs and do the Watusi.

SpongeBob

Ooh, okay.

Ah, it don't matter anyway, lad, she can't close us down. [later, the Krusty Krab is locked up and has a "Closed" sign on it.] She closed us down. I'M RUINED!!! [crying] How did is come to this?

Squidward

You called Miss Gristlepuss a disgusting old prune then you threatened her with a french fry strainer.

Well, I didn't know where husband was a chief of police.

Happy day, Karen. That fool Krabs changed the name of his restaurant to The Closed Krab. Everyone will think it's closed, and come eat here instead. He'll be ruined by tomorrow. [chuckles] What an idiot.

Karen

It is closed.

What?

Karen

Ms. Gristlepuss and her husband banned Krabby Patties for being fun and delicious.

Banned? Then that means, my day of reckoning has come at last. I won, I tell you. I've won. And what better way than by default.

Karen

Where are you going?

Oh, out to celebrate. Don't wait up for me!

Harold

[Nat pushes Harold in line] Quit shoving.

I wasn't shoving. I was just going like that and you happen to be standing there.

Harold

That's called shoving.

No, it isn't.

Harold

Yes, it is.

Nope.

Harold

Yes.

Nope.

Patrick

What's the password, please?

What are you talking about, you gargantuan buffoon?!

Patrick

That's it! [opens the door] Come right in.

Curse you! [falls to the ground]

That was wonderful! I feel reborn!

SpongeBob

Does that mean you're not sending us to the Slammer?

Of course, my dear boy. I'm a kind, gentle fish. And I owe it all to you.

SpongeBob

Don't forget the spatula!

Don't push it, Al.

SpongeBob

Hi, Squidward. I'd like you to meet my cousin, Stanley.

Stanley

We're related.

Squidward

THERE'S TWO OF THEM?! AHHHH! [runs into his house, gathers up all his belongings, and puts a "For Sale" sign next to his house. A Bikini Bottom Movers van picks him up] STEP ON IT!!! [The van drives off]

Stanley

Your friend Squidward seems busy.

SpongeBob

Ah, that's okay. I'm sure Sandy can think of something.

SpongeBob

Stanley, I cannot keep covering for you! [screams upon seeing Stanley bent his spatula] No! Not my spatula! My spatula... [sniffs] The thing I hold nearest and dearest to my heart...

[enters] SpongeBob, what in the name of Neptune is going-- ? Oh, you broke your spatula. That's a shame. I'll order another one tomorrow, boy.

SpongeBob

No, no, no!!! I didn't break my spatula, he did it! And I also didn't burn your money. He did that, too! I have been covering for him, because he can't DO ANYTHING RIGHT!!!!! [he breathes very heavily after screaming out the truth]

Stanley

He's right! I ruin everything I touch!

SpongeBob

Good luck on your new job, cousin Stanley!

Stanley

Thanks! I bet I'll be even better in this one!

Good morning, Mr. SquarePants!

Stanley

Morning, boss.

I can't believe it! That fool Krabs hiring the blood relative of his best worker! [Mr. Krabs watches as the Chum Bucket explodes, and laughs] Well, that's the end of me.

Stanley

[thud] Sorry, boss.

SpongeBob

Why, Mr. Krabs? WHY does he HATE us so?!

Well, you might as well blame me, SpongeBob. There was a time when Plankton and I...were...best friends.

SpongeBob

Best friends?!

Friends at birth, you might say. Even as wee ones.

SpongeBob

Yeah, Mr. Krabs. What did happen next?

Squidward

[sarcastically] Yeah, I really wanna know.

Listen up, Squidward! 'Cause this is where it gets juicy.

Potty the Parrot

You've got rats in the kitchen!

Patchy

[finding out a gorilla shows up as an employee] What? They let a smelly, hairy fleabag like that serve food? [a gorilla goes on a rampage and throws burgers]

Patchy

Let's go! [honks his horn] Hey, kids. Rush hour traffic here in Encino is a real bringdown. [grumbles in frustration] A little music should soothe me jangled nerves. At least my in-dash hi-fi still works. [Patchy puts a cassette tape in the radio, which breaks and the music stops. Patchy shows the broken cassette tape.] Oh! Me ultra-rare "Frampton Comes Alive" 8-track destroyed! [Tosses it into the car] And I'm gonna miss the new SpongeBob cartoon if this traffic doesn't move soon! [Patchy growls and cries while he moans. Patchy's cell phone rings. The ringtone is SpongeBob's piccolo from the theme song] Who's calling? [answers the phone] Yes, Patchy here. Start squawkin'.

Potty

[squawks] Hey, Patchy, the new SpongeBob cartoon's about to start. Where are you, brawk?

Patchy

Stuck on the 101. Be a dear and record it for me, would you?

Potty

Oh, I threw out that old Betamax machine in the garbage. [squawks]

Patchy

You what?!

Potty

Oh, calm down. beardy.

Patchy

Potty, you know how important this cartoon is to me. [someone honks his horn at him] Do you mind?! I'm trying to talk to my parrot! [the man looks at Patchy in shock as he gets back on his phone to talk to Potty] Sorry, Potty. Just some landlubber. [Potty hangs up] Potty? Hello, hello, hello, hello!? [looks at his phone's screen. It says "call dropped" with a Jolly Roger symbol; groans] Dropped again. [closes his phone] Curse this traffic! [the traffic starts moving again] Ooh! [pulls up his anchor, much to the man's confusion. He drives into a desert-like area] Arrgh! Home at last! What the--? [his eyes pop out from behind his pair of sunglasses, breaking them] Encino...it's gone. No! [sobs] You know, kids, this kinda reminds Patchy of an old story. Another story of a...lost city. Why don't you check it out? [as he continues sobbing] Oh, Encino.