Whoo-wee, there you boys are. Looks like I'm just in time.
SSSpongeBob/Squidward
Sandy?
One blast of this Molecular Separator Ray and you'll be separated for good.
[SpongeBob and Squidward try to tell Sandy not to blast them, but was too late, she blasts the ray at Squidward and SpongeBob and it separates them. Crowd gasps]
[SpongeBob gives him back his clarinet] Hmph. [plays clarinet off-key making SpongeBob cheer for him, but the audience hates it as they block their ears, Old Man Jenkins faints off his chair]
I think I'm going to be sick.
[Squidward blows his clarinet at Billy which blows his skin off and shows his skeleton]
Huh, no wait. Wait! [everyone leaves] Oh, my one moment of fame gone. [grabs the Molecular Separator Ray] There's got to be some way to reverse this. [pushes the button over and over]
No, Squidward! That's a very sensitive device!
[The Molecular Separator Ray blasts into the final scene]
TTherapist
[talking to Squidward] So, what seems to be the problem, Mr. Tentacles?
It all started when I was born.
[The camera zooms out revealing SpongeBob, Patrick, Mr. Krabs, Sandy, Mrs. Puff, Larry, and Pearl, all joined into Squidward's body in a horrifying, Cronenbergian mass as the episode ends]
[Towards the end of the episode, Mr. Krabs, SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward wind up in the hospital. Mr. Krabs is alarmed to see at how high their medical bill is]
You're not going to have a heart attack, are you?
Not at these prices. Forget hotels, this hospital wreck's where the money is.
Pack your bags, boys, you're going to medical school.
PSPatrick and SpongeBob
Hooray!
FMr. Fitz
Well, if there was a "destroy the city" part of the test, you would have.
[takes pants off SpongeBob's head] The nerve of some people.
FMr. Fitz
Sorry, SpongeBob, you failed again. Even our finest instructor could not teach you. Mrs. Puff, you're hired again.
[at boating school] Hey, Mrs. Puff! Sorry I'm "unteachable."
It's okay. Mr. Fitz gave me my teaching certificate back. [sniffles, holds up a burnt, charred object] And your dossier was destroyed in the explosion, [voice breaking] so it's as if you never failed.
I got you a welcome back gift, Mrs. Puff. [shows name tag] I found all the pieces and glued them back together. I promise it won't take me a million tries this time.
[Mrs. Puff puts her head down on her desk and begins to sob quietly, and the name tag shatters as the episode ends]
PProfessor Percy
Well, Miss Cheeks, I must say you have exceeded expectations.
RLord Reginald
It may be the extreme head trauma I've suffered, but I am going to offer you a 20-year contract with a substantial pay raise.
SPSpongeBob and Patrick
Hooray!
PProfessor Percy
I expect great things out of you, Miss Cheeks. Great things.
RLord Reginald
Perhaps you could put your talents toward that automatic poop-throwing machine that's eluded us for so long.
MDr. Marmalade
Now, now, one miracle at a time.
Well, the only thing left is to figure out what to do with this infernal contraption.
My turn. [sits on his invention] Whoo-hoo! [machine turns on and he screams] All right!
[green fog passes by his ship while he steers his ship] Curse this cursed, ghostly fog. I can barely see past me own nose. [gas is sprayed in his eyes] Urrgh! [screams after noticing the unseen cliff, only seen seconds after; then the ship is split in half after it runs into a cliff. The Flying Dutchman falls down the cliff, falling through a basketball hoop before hitting the ground; the ship falls onto of him into pieces then he crawls out] Me ship. [his ship turns into dust. His hat floats gently down, and he picks it up. He then gets out his cell phone to dial the Roadside Assistance] Hello, Roadside Assistance? I've got a bit of a flat! My location where I'll be staying? Business or residence? [sees SpongeBob go into his house] Residence.
I'm stuck here while me ship is being repaired. 'Til then, I'm here to haunt ya!
[runs out of Squidward's closet] Dutchie, it worked! You got your scare back.
And me confidence, too. Now I feel like I can scare the living criminy out of anybody! All thanks to you, my boy.
And, maybe your ship will be repaired soon.
Actually, I have a confession, SpongeBob. My ship's been done for 3 months now. Well, it was nice roomin' with ya. [flies back up to his ship] Oh yeah, I almost forgot. I left you a little something for all your trouble. Now, it's time for me to ruin more souls. [ships sails off]
[opens the package; a hand grabs him, eats him, and belches] Hahaha! Good Ol' Dutchie.
[approaches Mr. Krabs] Tell me you've got something totally coral planned for my birthday party.
Now, now, don't snap your mizzenmast. Everything is all set. Why, I've already got the party favors, bubble wrap! [pops the bubble wrap] This year's gonna be a blast!
Daddy! You've ruined all my birthday parties, but you better not ruin this one. Now promise me you won't be cheap!
Good, because I made a list. [list rolls out of the Krusty Krab and down the road. Mr Krabs rolls it up] Now I want everything on this list at my party. [kisses her father and runs out] Bye! I'll be at the mall with my friends.
Wait, don't leave! My dad got Boys Who Cry to play! You did get Boys Who Cry, right? [glaring crossed-arms at her dad]
Oh, even better, sweetie. (You're not only the Boys Who Cry fan.) Hit it!
[Curtain unfolds as R & B Music begins to play with Squidward standing on the stage]
Hello, ladies. [sings "It's all about you"]' When my tear ducts get issue, I can't use just any tissue... I need 4-Ply, 4-Ply, 4-Ply, when I cry... Huh!
F2Friend 2
Hey, that is not Boys Who Cry!
[Cut to Squidward shaking his rear end]
F1Friend 1
What a rip-off!
Daddy, how could you?! I... gave... you... a list! [runs out crying]
[The crowd throws tomatoes, eggs and Pearl's meat head at Squidward]
You've ruined everything! You couldn't stop being cheap, even for me! [cries]
I'll make it up to you somehow, Pearl.
[suddenly walks into frame] That's it! Back it up... Right there. Let 'er go!
[A delivery truck with all the gifts SpongeBob bought dump onto them]
I did? I mean... I (really) did!?
Oh, daddy! I don't know how it could get better than this.
Just watch. Hit it, boys.
[scene cuts to SpongeBob and Sandy walking toward their boat]
Sandy, I'm sorry I acted like a jerk back there. Thanks for saving me from... [swallows hard] buying a condo.
Aw, shucks, SpongeBob, that's what friends are for.
I still have one question, though. Does this mean I'm not King of Karate anymore?
You are in my book, SpongeBob. You are in my book. Now let me tell you about real estate. It's all about location... [boat drives off as another boat, carrying Squidward, arrives]
I'm here! The King of Clarinets has arrived! [Master Udon is waiting on top of the rocks again]
Well, we better get back to work.
Work? How can I go back to work without Spat?!
[shocked with spinning spiral eyes] What?! There is only one spatula for me, and that is Spat. Spat, wait up! Spat! [runs off to the hospital] I'm coming, Spat! [scene cuts to the hospital where SpongeBob is by Spatula's bed] Oh, Spat, we've been through so much together.
[SpongeBob flashes back to all the good times he had with his spatula: flipping patties, laying in the sun with Spatula, scratching his back with Spatula, playing ping pong with his spatula, reaching under the chair for the remote with spatula, and playing pirates with Spatula]
DDoctor
There's no easy way to say this. SpongeBob, if I were you, I would give serious consideration to start thinking about...a replacement spatula. [SpongeBob turns around and starts to cry, then turns back around] Go home. Get some rest. We'll try to do everything we can.
DDoctor
Oh, I'm not a doctor. I'm an actor who's searching for a role. Yes! Woohoo! I am so totally gonna get this part. [sighs happily]
Spatula, what's wrong? [Spat shakes its head] But I didn't mean to betray you. Mr. Krabs needed a replacement. Krabby Patties don't flip themselves, you know. It was a moment of weakness! I'm sorry! Oh, what have I done?! What have I done?! [begins crying and rolls]
S2SpongeBob 2
[comes up] All that glitters is not gold. [goes down]
[SpongeBob is still crying on the floor. Spatula considers this, lowers its head, and wheels itself away]
Good-bye, best friend. [crawls crying all the way to the Krusty Krab kitchen] I'll never find another spatula like him again. [notices Spatula flipping patties by itself] Spatula? You're back! [jumps for Spatula in slow motion, the camera cuts to outer space] Oh, Spatula, now that we're together again, nothing will ever separate us.
[Back at the Krusty Krab]
One monster Krabby Patty.
[The same real set of hands put a bunch of meat on the grill as before]
Okay, buddy, we can do this. Ready? One, two, three. [this time, instead of the spatula breaking again, his arms come off] D'oh! [laughs at the audience]
