MaryYes?
Hello, young lady. [winks at Patrick, who chuckles] We're selling chocolate. [sultry] Is your mother home?
Mary
Mom!
[Her mother, a shriveled up lump of dust, enters]
MMother
What, what, what's all the yelling?! You just can't wait for me to die, can you?!
Mary
They're selling chocolate.
Mary
Yeah!
MMother
What, what are they selling?!
Mary
Chocolates!
Mary
Chocolates!
MMother
I can't hear you!
Mary
THEY'RE SELLING CHOCOLATES!!
MMother
They're selling chocolate?
Mary
Yeah!
MMother
Chocolate. I remember when they first invented chocolate. Sweet, sweet chocolate. I always hated it!
Oh, but this chocolate's not for eating. It's for...
You rub it on your skin and it makes you live forever!
MMother
Live forever, ya say? I'll take one!
[Mary slaps her; she goes back inside as Mary pays SpongeBob]
MMother
Come on, you lazy Mary! Start rubbing me with that chocolate!
Mary
I hate you.
Whoo-wee, there you boys are. Looks like I'm just in time.
SSSpongeBob/Squidward
Sandy?
One blast of this Molecular Separator Ray and you'll be separated for good.
[SpongeBob and Squidward try to tell Sandy not to blast them, but was too late, she blasts the ray at Squidward and SpongeBob and it separates them. Crowd gasps]
[SpongeBob gives him back his clarinet] Hmph. [plays clarinet off-key making SpongeBob cheer for him, but the audience hates it as they block their ears, Old Man Jenkins faints off his chair]
Mary
I think I'm going to be sick.
[Squidward blows his clarinet at Billy which blows his skin off and shows his skeleton]
Huh, no wait. Wait! [everyone leaves] Oh, my one moment of fame gone. [grabs the Molecular Separator Ray] There's got to be some way to reverse this. [pushes the button over and over]
No, Squidward! That's a very sensitive device!
[The Molecular Separator Ray blasts into the final scene]
TTherapist
[talking to Squidward] So, what seems to be the problem, Mr. Tentacles?
It all started when I was born.
[The camera zooms out revealing SpongeBob, Patrick, Mr. Krabs, Sandy, Mrs. Puff, Larry, and Pearl, all joined into Squidward's body in a horrifying, Cronenbergian mass as the episode ends]
Those nincompoops are better salesman than I suspected.
[The alarm goes off]
Hello, little boy. Would you like a chum burger?
BBoy
Uh, does it come in raspberry?
Ah, come on, kid! You asked me that already! Now quit wasting my time!
MMable
Hey, you can't talk to my son that way! Who do you think you are?
I'm Plankton, you old hag! And your son smells like boogers!
TDTruck Driver
Hey, you can't talk about my wife that way! What do you think this is?!
I think it's time for you to lose some weight, fatty! That's what it is!
Mary
Hey, you can't talk to my grandson like that! Someone oughta put you in a mental hospital!
Someone should put you in a box floating down the river, Grandma!
Mary
...You're probably right.
You people are crazy. I'm getting out of here!
Mary
Oh, boys, right here! Oh, I could use a babysitter!
Ooh! [he and Patrick rush towards Mary] While you go out, and dance, and revel...
...We will watch your little devil!
Mary
[SpongeBob and Patrick swirl her around] Yes! [hugs Patrick] Oh, thank you! [hugs SpongeBob then runs off] Thank you!
Mary
She's inside! I'm free! I'm free! Hahahahaha!
[Mary hops away happily while SpongeBob and Patrick look confused at each other. But they both shrug and enter the house.]
We're here with "Baby Prunes." [to her] Now, you're the oldest resident of Bikini Bottom. Isn't that right?
BPBaby Prunes
What are you, a cop?
Mary
[shouting] Ma, behave!
BPBaby Prunes
[shouting] He's interviewing me, Mary, so shut up!
[laughs] You are too much.
BPBaby Prunes
Honey, you should have seen me 70 years ago when I was middle-aged and wild! [coughing]
SpongeBob SquarePants · 1,068 quotes
