GGrandma
I'll bet you'd fancy a nap, huh, Patrick? [Patrick yawns] You still here, SpongeBob?
Uh, I don't need to leave yet. I can be late for work.
GGrandma
[puts a blanket over Patrick as he lays on the couch] No, no, no, that wouldn't be the adult thing to do.
Alright, I guess I'll be going. I've, uh, got a lot of adult-type business to take care of, so, I'll see ya later.
GGrandma
Okay, thanks for stopping by, SpongeBob.
Yep, that is it. Here I go.
GGrandma
Come again if you get the chance.
[opens the door] Out into the cold, grown-up world alone without a sweater.
I don't know when I'll be back.
GGrandma
I know how busy you are.
So, that's it. [Patrick is sleeping]
GGrandma
Shh, he's asleep.
So long... [SpongeBob slowly closes the door of grandma's house, but then slams it with a sad look on his face. He starts throwing a tantrum] I DON'T WANNA GROW UP! I want cookies! [holds a big cookie and snaps it in half in front of his face] And milky! [holds a giant milk bottle, then comes up with a sweater] I want a sweater with love in the stitches! I wanna wear diapers! [comes up with a diaper on and puts some baby powder into it] I wanna ride in my wagon! [rides in a wagon, then holds a big teddy bear] I wanna cuddle-wuddle with Mr. Stuffykins! I wanna rockey-rock my seahorsey! [rocks on his wooden seahorse with a hat and a lollipop] And I want a kissy on my boo-boo! [shows his bruised finger. He starts crying hysterically. He lies on the floor and cries while slamming his fists against the ground and then rolls like a wheel. Grandma looks at him sadly. SpongeBob then sits on the floor as his eyes pour tears into his mouth. Grandma thinks for a second. SpongeBob then starts crying like a sprinkler, flooding the entire house]
GGrandma
Take it easy, SpongeBob! [picks up SpongeBob, who is still crying] SpongeBob? SpongeBob! [she holds SpongeBob's mouth, stopping him from crying] SpongeBob, you don't have to be a baby to get all of Grandma's love.
GGrandma
Of course not. [pushes a cork in the floor and all SpongeBob's tears drain out] No matter how big you get, you will always be my little baby boo, and remember, you can kiss your grandma and still be an adult. [hands SpongeBob his sideburns and a chocolate chip cookie] Here you go. [SpongeBob puts on his sideburns and eats the cookie]
Thanks, Grandma. [bites the cookie] Uh, Grandma, could you not mention this to the guys down at the Krusty Krab?
GGrandma
No problem. [hugs SpongeBob. Outside, Squidward and everyone else are laughing as the episode ends]
[in a state of tranquil fury] SpongeBob, this is the final straw. I'm going to move so far away that I will be able to brag about it. I would... [a piece of debris from his house falls on his head] I would rather tear out my brain-stem, carry it out into the middle of the nearest 4-way intersection, and skip rope with it, than continue living where I do now.
[A TV falls on the ground and turns on. On the television is an octopus, who looks like Squidward, but with a hair piece. He is in a suit and stands in front of a rainbow.]
AAnnouncer
Hi, there. Is this the final straw? Do you want to move so far away that you can brag about it? Would you rather tear out your brain-stem, walk out to the middle of the nearest three-way?
AAnnouncer
Four-way intersection and skip rope with it, than continue living where you do now? Then move to...
[suddenly changes the channel to a static screen] I hate this channel.
No! No! [changes it back]
AAnnouncer
...Tentacle Acres. Where happiness is just a suction cup away. [puts his tentacles together and pops them. The pops echo]
[at the gated borders of Tentacle Acres]
Here it is, Patrick. Now we've just got to convince Squidward to come back home. You got our apology cake?
[Patrick picks up a cake that reads, 'Sorry.' He puts it back in his pants, revealing a giant cake-shaped bulge in them]
Ying. [SpongeBob pushes the button on the intercom]
GGuard
Hello, can I help you?
[thinking it's a restaurant intercom] Can I get a large #1, extra size?
But ya just ate three orders of fried oyster skins!
[unleashing a noxious gas cloud as he says this] I love fried oyster skins.
[cut to inside the control room, where the guard sees SpongeBob and Patrick on one of his monitors]
GGuard
We're sorry, but your kind isn't allowed here. [a security guard walks up next to him] He's not leaving, Orville. You got your night stick ready? [the two smell Patrick's breath cloud as it wafts in through the speaker] FRIED OYSTER SKINS?! Ooooohhhhh... [the two collapse, the first guard falling on a button opening the gate]
I guess we gotta order inside.
[Meanwhile, a group of octopuses are angrily chasing after a happy-go-lucky Squidward. He sucks the noses off of three houses whilst running by. SpongeBob and Patrick are walking by when they see Squidward run past them.]
Hey! That looked like Squidward! [the mob runs past them] That looked like Squidward also, in angry mob form! [Squidward has approached a dead end]
PPoliceman
Hold it right there, Mr. Tentacles!
Stand back! I've got gardening tools! [the policeman hands him an envelope]
PPoliceman
Here! Just read this! [Squidward looks at it]
PPoliceman
A well thought out and organized list of complaints! [the mob shouts out in agreement. SpongeBob and Patrick walk by]
Patrick, look! It's Squidward! [he runs up to the octopus and hugs him, but he's a different octopus with eyebrows and mustache, and a shirt like Squidward's] Squidward! We finally found you! [the octopus pushes SpongeBob off him]
MOMale Octopus
Get off me, and I'm not Squidward! [pause]
Grievances?! This town is a grievance! There should be a law against so many stuck-up tightwads living in one place! This city needs to be destroyed! [pause] Or at least painted a different color.
PPoliceman
F.Y.I., you don't have to live here, you know. [Squidward, and the crowd, smile]
Hey, you're right! [the crowd members' smiles fade] And I'm leaving A.S.A.P.! [meanwhile, SpongeBob and Patrick are trying to find Squidward]
MOMale Octopus
No. [he walks up to the croquet woman]
SSquidette
No. [Patrick talks to a fire hydrant]
Are you Squidward? [pause] That's okay, take your time. [SpongeBob walks up to him]
Any one of these Squidwards can be the real Squidward, Patrick! [the town rumbles as Squidward rockets the leaf blower out of Tentacle Acres and laughs maniacally. The octopuses smile]
Freedom! Woo-hoo! [SpongeBob and Patrick watch him fly over the horizon]
Well, we know one thing: it sure isn't that guy. [the episode ends]
Thanks, SpongeBob. I think I'll eat it now! [takes a big bite of the still-wrapped chocolate bar, finishes the rest, then sighs and wipes his face] I think I'll eat it now. [bites his hand accidentally] Ow! Huh? Where'd my candy bar go? I must have dropped it.
You just ate it, Pat. It's all over your face.
[still looking] Where'd it go? I'm gonna starve. Where'd it go? I can't find it! Where could it possibly be? [looks at SpongeBob] A-ha!
[angrily confronts SpongeBob] You stole my candy bar!
Oh, so that's how it is, huh? Once a thief, always a thief.
You ate yours, this is mine.
You took my only food! [feels his stomach] Now I'm gonna starve!
[hands Patrick his candy bar] Here, Patrick, just take half of mine.
[ticked off] Yours?! You mean mine!
[furiously grabs SpongeBob by the shirt] I don't want it unless you admit you took it!
Liar, liar, plants for hire.
It's "pants on fire," Patrick.
[furiously crosses his arms and angrily pouts] Well, you would know... liar.
Well, if you're going to be that way, I'll eat it myself!
[getting ticked off, fiercely gives SpongeBob a warning] You better not. I'm warning you! Don't! [High-pitched yelling] Stop it! Don't! [enraged] Ah! [covers his ears] Ah! [screaming and shaking his head, pulls his hair while screaming]
[rips open the wrapper] Aaah... [opens his mouth wide and takes the candy bar closer to his mouth, swaying his tongue up and down, chomps lightly on the bar, puts the bar in his wide open mouth; his two teeth go across the surface of the bar, making strings of chocolate, puts the bar through his head and moves it left to right, licks the candy bar, slowly pushes the candy bar into his mouth and starts chewing]
[turns red in anger] You're a crazy person! I should have expected this after the way you stole that balloon!
[enraged] Did I, Patrick, did I? Or did your criminal mind hypnotize me to steal it?!
[angrily stomp his foot down] Oh! That's it! First the balloon, now my candy bar... you're out of control! I'm... [menacingly threatens] I'm telling on you.
[gasps] Not if I tell on you first!
BBlue Officer
If ya can't do the time, don't do the crime.
[They slam the jail door on SpongeBob and Patrick; two seconds later...]
BBlue Officer
Okay, time's up. [reopens the cell] Now get out!
But... we stole a balloon.
BBlue Officer
Yeah, on Free Balloon Day!
[The officers laugh as SpongeBob and Patrick stare surprised.]
OOrange Officer
How about some lollipops for the road, boys? [gives 2 lollipops]
Let's vow never to borrow anything without permission again.
You said it! [the two cross their lollipops, but Patrick's is already eaten] All right! Which one of you flatfoots stole my lollipop?
[They laugh; cuts to the island at night]
Carefully... carefully? [Patrick smacks him]
Come on, do it! I'm freezing here!
Pat, no! [Patrick rips a patch of Sandy's fur off with the tape, leaving a patch of bare skin. Sandy roars and goes back to sleep, SpongeBob sighs in relief] Pat, are you crazy? [He sees that Patrick has placed the fur on his forehead]
Let me see that roll of tape.
Oh, look, it's SpongeBob and Patrick! [With that, SpongeBob and Patrick go crazy trying to open the door. Patrick screams. Sandy walks over, completely hairless and in her bikini]
Hey, guys! [They climb off the door] [She sees all the different fur assortments the two are wearing. She looks down at her bald pink body and screams in horror.]
It's okay, Sandy. Squirrel pattern baldness is quite common in small mammals. [Patrick removes the furry piece from his forehead, smiling fearfully. Sandy is really tickled off now.]
[growling with fury] SpongeBob! Patrick!
Don't worry, Sandy. We've got you covered.
[He giggles nervously. Cut to Sandy's arm pouring some lemonade, she giggles]
[giggles] More lemonade, boys? [pan out to see that Patrick is curled around Sandy's head and SpongeBob around Sandy's body as punishment for ripping her fur to keep them warm, in order to cover up her bald pink hide and keep her warm until her fur grows back. The two take a glass.]
SPSpongeBob and Patrick
Thanks, Sandy.
Would it be all right if Gary and I did some laundry over here?
Laundry? But we used to do laundry!
And, uh... SpongeBob, could we borrow some soap?
[on the verge of breaking down] Soap? But we used to use soap! [holds up two different types of soap] Do you want Fresh Scent or Heavy Du...
[breaks out in a fountain of tears, each falling into the separate soapboxes and lathering them up in his hand] GARY, PLEASE COME BACK GARY! GARY, PLEASE COME HOME! I'M A WRECK WITHOUT YOU! [stops crying] I know! If you come back, there'll be a new no-rules rule. You can do whatever you want, when you want! [runs up to the sofa and tears it up furiously] If you feel like ripping the sofa, then you rip it up! [runs up to the litter box] And the litter box? Forget about it! [he dumps the litter on his head] The world is your litter box! [he runs to the fridge and opens it] And you don't even have to wait around for me to feed you anymore! 24-hour fridge access! [he takes a milk carton and drinks it] And you don't even have to use a bowl! [he runs to a giant carving of Squidward] And I know how much you like my prized driftwood carving of Squidward. [scratches at it] Well, think of it as your own personal scratching post! What do you think, Gary? Won't it be fun, Gary? [we see SpongeBob has carved Squidward into a heart]
Gary? [the heart breaks in half and one half hits him. The two walk to the laundry room]
[patronisingly] I'm sorry, SpongeBob. But Gary's with me now. You had your chance and you failed. You have to stop living in the past. Face it, SpongeBob, you're only hurting yourself. [he takes off his shorts and puts them in the machine; Gary crawls in after them] It's what Gary wants, and what Gary wants is me. Right, Gary? [Gary does not answer] Huh?
[The two notice Gary is in the machine, nudging in Patrick's shorts and crunching on something.]
He only liked me for my shorts!
No, Patrick! He wanted the cookie in your pocket!
[Gary is indeed eating the cookie. He finishes it, pops out of the machine, and crawls back to SpongeBob]
Gary? [Gary burps and happily meows] Whee! [hugs Gary] Oh, Gary, I knew you'd never leave me! Aww... [giggles, he takes his leash] Let's go for a walk, pal! [the two walk out of the house]
[left alone heartbroken and devastated] Gary? I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL...!!! [the episode ends]
Okay, Mrs. Puff, what's my final score?
Whoo! And how many do I need to pass?
[raising arms slowly] Whoo.
Hundred. [SpongeBob stops]
600. You need 600 to pass. You got six.
Don't worry. I'll be all right, Mrs. Puff. Besides, this means that I get to be in your class for a whole 'nother year! [he slams his fist down, which causes a piece of the motor to fly upward] Well, see you next Tuesday! [SpongeBob walks off and the piece crashes on Mrs. Puff. She inflates like she always does when SpongeBob crashes. SpongeBob runs out to his unicycle-like bike] Yeah! [singing] I'm gonna get my driver's license and it's only gonna take one more year, one more year, one more super duper year. [goes around in circles on his bike] One more super-spectacular, extra-magical, extra-fantastical year! [Mrs. Puff looks on, still inflated]
[thinking] Oh, Neptune. Another year with him! Barnacles! Dirty barnacles! I've got to do something to save myself. Oh, there's only one way out: a teacher's ace in the hole! [starts to talk, when she does, she deflates to her normal size] ♪ Extra crediiiiit! ♪
What was that, Mrs. Puff? [Mrs. Puff runs over and shakes him in joy]
Extra credit, SpongeBob! The extra credit! [laughing wildly] I still have a chance! I mean, you still have a chance.
[muffled] What's extra credit?
It's when you get credit for the things you weren't able to do before.
Hey! I'm driving! [the two notice each other and scream loudly. Mrs. Puff skids off the road for a bit, then returns to normal. SpongeBob jumps up] Who are you and what are you doing with my boat? And why are you wearing that ski mask?! Because you're not skiing! Oh, my gosh, I know who you are!
[While Running and hanging on To the stolen boat Mrs. Puff is driving.] I'm... not... letting... go! Nothing will stop me! Not even- [Gasps as he sees the sign that reads...] Giant clams!?
[Gets dragged through the field of clams causing him to miss some pieces while still hanging on to the boat.]
I'm... not... letting... go... even for... [Gasps again as he sees another sign that reads...] Cheese graters!? [skids through the graters thus appearing as nothing but the 4 Yellow Sponge strands with arms While still hanging on to the boat.] If you think I'll let go for a little... [approaches the most worst sign of them all that reads...]
Spongebob: EDUCATIONAL TELEVISION!? OH NO!!!
[Mrs Puffs hears SpongeBob scream off-screen.]
How long can she stay like that?
Wow, Sandy. You sure provided us wrong. I guess land creatures are better. [bubbles rise from Sandy's lips] At least until they need to breathe... [he, Patrick, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs chuckle while Sandy angrily squints one eye at them] Yep, won't be long now.
[starts struggling to hold her breath] Mm?
Remember this? [takes a deep breath in and out. Sandy is seen sweating profusely]
It's free! [also takes a deep breath in and out]
