I wanna go home.
We can never go home, Pat; We're wanted men. We'll spend the rest of our lives running. Running, but at least it's warmer on the fire.
Hey, if we’re underwater, how could there be a- [The fire dissolves] I'm scared, SpongeBob.
“Life of Crime” · Season 2
In this episode: Abrasive SpongeBob (4), Patrick (3)
Thanks, SpongeBob. I think I'll eat it now! [takes a big bite of the still-wrapped chocolate bar, finishes the rest, then sighs and wipes his face] I think I'll eat it now. [bites his hand accidentally] Ow! Huh? Where'd my candy bar go? I must have dropped it.
You just ate it, Pat. It's all over your face.
[still looking] Where'd it go? I'm gonna starve. Where'd it go? I can't find it! Where could it possibly be? [looks at SpongeBob] A-ha!
What?
[angrily confronts SpongeBob] You stole my candy bar!
No, I didn't.
Oh, so that's how it is, huh? Once a thief, always a thief.
You ate yours, this is mine.
You took my only food! [feels his stomach] Now I'm gonna starve!
[hands Patrick his candy bar] Here, Patrick, just take half of mine.
[ticked off] Yours?! You mean mine!
Do you want it or what?!
[furiously grabs SpongeBob by the shirt] I don't want it unless you admit you took it!
This is my candy bar!
Liar, liar, plants for hire.
It's "pants on fire," Patrick.
[furiously crosses his arms and angrily pouts] Well, you would know... liar.
Well, if you're going to be that way, I'll eat it myself!
[getting ticked off, fiercely gives SpongeBob a warning] You better not. I'm warning you! Don't! [High-pitched yelling] Stop it! Don't! [enraged] Ah! [covers his ears] Ah! [screaming and shaking his head, pulls his hair while screaming]
[rips open the wrapper] Aaah... [opens his mouth wide and takes the candy bar closer to his mouth, swaying his tongue up and down, chomps lightly on the bar, puts the bar in his wide open mouth; his two teeth go across the surface of the bar, making strings of chocolate, puts the bar through his head and moves it left to right, licks the candy bar, slowly pushes the candy bar into his mouth and starts chewing]
[turns red in anger] You're a crazy person! I should have expected this after the way you stole that balloon!
[enraged] Did I, Patrick, did I? Or did your criminal mind hypnotize me to steal it?!
[angrily stomp his foot down] Oh! That's it! First the balloon, now my candy bar... you're out of control! I'm... [menacingly threatens] I'm telling on you.
[gasps] Not if I tell on you first!
BBlue Officer
If ya can't do the time, don't do the crime.
[They slam the jail door on SpongeBob and Patrick; two seconds later...]
BBlue Officer
Okay, time's up. [reopens the cell] Now get out!
But... we stole a balloon.
BBlue Officer
Yeah, on Free Balloon Day!
[The officers laugh as SpongeBob and Patrick stare surprised.]
OOrange Officer
How about some lollipops for the road, boys? [gives 2 lollipops]
Let's vow never to borrow anything without permission again.
You said it! [the two cross their lollipops, but Patrick's is already eaten] All right! Which one of you flatfoots stole my lollipop?
[They laugh; cuts to the island at night]
...I mean it.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's SpongeBob SquarePants pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.