[in a state of tranquil fury] SpongeBob, this is the final straw. I'm going to move so far away that I will be able to brag about it. I would... [a piece of debris from his house falls on his head] I would rather tear out my brain-stem, carry it out into the middle of the nearest 4-way intersection, and skip rope with it, than continue living where I do now.
[A TV falls on the ground and turns on. On the television is an octopus, who looks like Squidward, but with a hair piece. He is in a suit and stands in front of a rainbow.]
AAnnouncer
Hi, there. Is this the final straw? Do you want to move so far away that you can brag about it? Would you rather tear out your brain-stem, walk out to the middle of the nearest three-way?
AAnnouncer
Four-way intersection and skip rope with it, than continue living where you do now? Then move to...
[suddenly changes the channel to a static screen] I hate this channel.
No! No! [changes it back]
AAnnouncer
...Tentacle Acres. Where happiness is just a suction cup away. [puts his tentacles together and pops them. The pops echo]
[at the gated borders of Tentacle Acres]
Here it is, Patrick. Now we've just got to convince Squidward to come back home. You got our apology cake?
[Patrick picks up a cake that reads, 'Sorry.' He puts it back in his pants, revealing a giant cake-shaped bulge in them]
Ying. [SpongeBob pushes the button on the intercom]
GGuard
Hello, can I help you?
[thinking it's a restaurant intercom] Can I get a large #1, extra size?
But ya just ate three orders of fried oyster skins!
[unleashing a noxious gas cloud as he says this] I love fried oyster skins.
[cut to inside the control room, where the guard sees SpongeBob and Patrick on one of his monitors]
GGuard
We're sorry, but your kind isn't allowed here. [a security guard walks up next to him] He's not leaving, Orville. You got your night stick ready? [the two smell Patrick's breath cloud as it wafts in through the speaker] FRIED OYSTER SKINS?! Ooooohhhhh... [the two collapse, the first guard falling on a button opening the gate]
I guess we gotta order inside.
[Meanwhile, a group of octopuses are angrily chasing after a happy-go-lucky Squidward. He sucks the noses off of three houses whilst running by. SpongeBob and Patrick are walking by when they see Squidward run past them.]
Hey! That looked like Squidward! [the mob runs past them] That looked like Squidward also, in angry mob form! [Squidward has approached a dead end]
PPoliceman
Hold it right there, Mr. Tentacles!
Stand back! I've got gardening tools! [the policeman hands him an envelope]
PPoliceman
Here! Just read this! [Squidward looks at it]
PPoliceman
A well thought out and organized list of complaints! [the mob shouts out in agreement. SpongeBob and Patrick walk by]
Patrick, look! It's Squidward! [he runs up to the octopus and hugs him, but he's a different octopus with eyebrows and mustache, and a shirt like Squidward's] Squidward! We finally found you! [the octopus pushes SpongeBob off him]
MOMale Octopus
Get off me, and I'm not Squidward! [pause]
Grievances?! This town is a grievance! There should be a law against so many stuck-up tightwads living in one place! This city needs to be destroyed! [pause] Or at least painted a different color.
PPoliceman
F.Y.I., you don't have to live here, you know. [Squidward, and the crowd, smile]
Hey, you're right! [the crowd members' smiles fade] And I'm leaving A.S.A.P.! [meanwhile, SpongeBob and Patrick are trying to find Squidward]
MOMale Octopus
No. [he walks up to the croquet woman]
SSquidette
No. [Patrick talks to a fire hydrant]
Are you Squidward? [pause] That's okay, take your time. [SpongeBob walks up to him]
Any one of these Squidwards can be the real Squidward, Patrick! [the town rumbles as Squidward rockets the leaf blower out of Tentacle Acres and laughs maniacally. The octopuses smile]
Freedom! Woo-hoo! [SpongeBob and Patrick watch him fly over the horizon]
Well, we know one thing: it sure isn't that guy. [the episode ends]
