Oh, Mrs. Puff! It's been so long. [hugs the potato] Did you miss me?
[via pager] Oh yes, SpongeBob. I missed you so much. It's so good to see you. From here.
Ooh, did you get a new hat? It really brings out all your eyes.
S13Potato Puff
[sees the mashed potatoes with Mrs. Puff's hat and wig on it covered in gravy and gasps in terror] Mrs. Puff, you've been mashed! [starts crying; he rips out his eyes and uses them to blow his nose, he puts them back in and lies on the ground as his eyes turn into geysers of blue tears as he continues to cry]
[walks up to crying SpongeBob, puts on her hat with wig] Ahem.
[stops crying] Huh? She's alive! [hugs Mrs. Puff]
S13The Big Bad Bubble Bass
[walks to SpongeBob's house with ectoplasm all over him. He wipes it off and bangs on the door] ScumBob! Puketrick! You blithering fools better hand over Pigulon, or I'll chug, and I'll glug, and I'll belch your house down! [growls]
[as Pigulon, through SpongeBob's house] Nobody's home!
Hmm? [growls while he steams mad. He takes out a bottle of Fizz Bomb Cola] Time for some Fizz Bomb burp fuel. [drinks it and his stomach boils; he burps down SpongeBob's house. Gary falls on SpongeBob, and they run to Patrick's rock] I said hand over Pigulon, or I'll chug, and I'll glug, and I'll belch your house down again!
[his lips are through the rock] Good luck. I built this rock entirely out of rock. [blows raspberry at Bubble Bass]
[growls, then he pulls out another bottle of Fizz Bomb Cola and a bottle of hot sauce] Let's turn up the heat. [drinks both of it and his stomach boils; he burps down Patrick's rock]
They just don't make rocks the way they used to.
S13Sea-Man Sponge Haters Club
Fellow sponge sufferers, the 431st "We Hate SpongeBob" club will now come to order. [bangs the gavel] And now, our motto.
PBPlankton, Bubble Bass, Mailman, Mrs. Puff, and Squidward
[raising one hand] We don't mean SpongeBob any harm. We just can't stand him.
Does anyone have any new sponge pain they would like to share? [The members stick their hands out, all talking over each other]
How much time do you have?
I do!
Oh, yes. I do.
MMailman
I have to unwrap my package of pain!
[Suddenly, SpongeBob is heard laughing]
Huh? [the members retract their hands as Squidward motions for them to stop] Hold that agony. [looks to his right to see SpongeBob at the window]
Hello, Squidward!
[grunts, pulls the window blinds down, then faces the group] Proceed.
S13Food PBBFT! Truck
I2Incidental 211
[Walks up to SpongeBob and Squidward and blows a raspberry] Hey! [Blows a raspberry] You're those weirdos that have been [blows a raspberry] chasing me around town. [blows a raspberry.]
Why were you waving at us and then running away?
I2Incidental 211
Huh? [blows a raspberry] I can't [blows a raspberry] understand your accent. [blows a raspberry]
I'll handle this, Squidward. I speak fluid Rock Bottom-ish. Why [blows a raspberry] were you [blows a raspberry] waving at us? [blows a raspberry]
I2Incidental 211
I wasn't [blows a raspberry] waving at you. [blows a raspberry] I was [blows a raspberry] drying out my armpits. [SpongeBob holds up a fresh Krabby Patty to him and he gasps. He smells it and becomes surprised.]
We just wanted to [blows a raspberry] sell you a hot [blows a raspberry] delicious Krabby Patty. [blows a raspberry]
I2Incidental 211
It does look [blows a raspberry] tasty.
SSSpongeBob and Squidward
We're gonna sell a patty. [both blow raspberries. A large bus drives in and knocks away their food truck.] Huh? [Several Rock Bottomites walk off the bus while blowing raspberries. They go into the Rock Bottom cemetery, jump into coffins, and close them. Several clowns also walk off the bus and enter the circus while blowing raspberries. They walk into a small clown car which then drives away.]
I2Incidental 222
[walks off the bus] Hey, Bert. [blows a raspberry] Too bad you couldn't [blows a raspberry] come with us on our yearly trip to the [blows a raspberry] Krusty Krab, [blows a raspberry] but here's your Krabby Patty. [He blows a raspberry and hands a Krabby Patty to Incidental 211]
I2Incidental 211
Thanks, Frank. [blows a raspberry] But you know how long these pits take to dry. [blows a raspberry] Sorry, fellas. [blows a raspberry] I'd love to buy a patty from ya, but I already have a whole bag. [He eats the patty. SpongeBob and Squidward groan and melt.]
S13Upturn Girls
[Downtown, a big building is seen. Pearl and Narlene look up at it And Pearl follows, but stops once she notices the automatic glass door.]
Huh? Ooh! [She sticks her foot out and opens the door. She pulls it back, and the door closes. She does this repeatedly, crushing a customer between the doors.] These here automatic doors sure is frilly, but we hillfolk do things a little more polite-like. [She rips off one of the doors.] Right this way, sir! [A crushed customer groans "thank you" and crawls inside, and Lady Upturn is standing besides Narlene, watching the customer crawl. She turns to Narlene.]
Excuuuuse me? What do you think you're doing?
Uh, holdin' the door? Here, you try! [She drops the door on Lady Upturn, crushing her. Pearl walks in.]
[concerned] Narlene, that's Lady Upturn! [She flips the door and helps Lady Upturn get up, then laughs nervously.] I'm so sorry. She's new in town. [takes out her diamond card] But we'll be good shoppers, I swear! [Lady Upturn inspects the card with a diamond-studded magnifier.]
Hmm, yes. Carry on, [patting their heads] my little consumers. [grabs their shirts] But here at Upturn's, we take shopping seriously.
NPNarlene and Pearl
[nodding] Okay. [They sprint off.]
[Pearl and Narlene go to Upturn'd Nose, a perfume department.]
You, young ladies, do not belong here. Especially [points to Narlene] her.
[confused] Uh?
So what if my friend doesn't do things the way city people do? At least she's not a stuck-up snob like [points] you!
[offended] Oh!
Besides, we cetacean sisters always stick together! [She squeezes Narlene, causing her to stick out her tongue, which has a wad of gum on it. She smiles at Narlene.]
[happy] Ah!
S13Say 'Awww!
EIEveryone inside
Eat him! Eat him!
[gets an idea] Ooh, I know! I'll try the soothing power of music... [gets out a ukulele with "Love" and a heart symbol written on it and starts playing a tune] Ohhh... [The ukulele strings break off as he uses the pick on a first try] Awww, rats! [The usage of "Awww" triggers the robot and causes him to eat SpongeBob, who falls inside and screams until he lands on his face. He gets his face up off the ground and looks around in confusion. Everyone is cheering upon his arrival]
Yeah, yeah, good boy!
A surprise party... for me?!
[gets off from underneath SpongeBob and grunts] This isn't a party, you boob.
Well why did everyone cheer when I showed up?!
Because with you, we can finally reach the emergency escape uvular! [Mr. Krabs points up to the uvular] Alright, let's try it again, people! [Everyone (including the Hook Fish, the goth fish, Mama Bass, Don the Whale, Fred, Tom, Sandy, Larry, Pearl, Mrs. Puff, Squidward, Mr. Krabs, Mutton Chop, Officer Nancy, Patrick Star, The Vetenarian, Reg, Carl, Turtle Girl, Gale Doppler, Green Fish, A Cafeteria Lady, Popeye Fish, Male Mayor Fish, Female Mayor Fish, Lady Upturn, etc.) piles up again]
FFish
He can do it! He can do it!
[SpongeBob climbs up and stands on Patrick's back to grab the uvular. As he attempts to grab it, his arms are too short. Suddenly, a shaking sound is heard, implying something big. The height of the pile towers up, and SpongeBob tries again. He finally succeeds in grabbing the uvular and causes the robot to spin around and malfunction. A circular opening in the robot's butt is shown with everyone squished up inside. Everyone inside is freed and released into the sky as fireworks as Q.T.-π collapses. The fish from before are launched back onto the rollercoaster and cheer. Everyone else falls back onto the ground, while Squidward falls into the ice cream cart]
We did it! We escaped!
[shown between Mr. Krabs' butt cheeks] And I got us sent to Glove World! for free. You're wel-come!
S13Patrick the Mailman
Ooh! My new rock is finally here![Patrick slides down from his rock and runs over to open it. Patrick rips off the wrapping paper whole and the package is revealed to be a pink rock with green polka dots on it with a bronze arrow-shaped weather vane on top, then puts his hands on his hips while looking suspicious] Hold on! [Patrick jumps up onto the rock and puts his glasses on] Polka dots?! I ordered plaid! [Patrick takes his glasses off and throws them away.] You'll have to take it back, Mr. Mailman.
MMailman
[still struggling to hold up the rock] Ugh! Back? [The rock crushes the mailman and letters come flying out. Patrick lifts up the rock and the mailman is flattened into the ground with black eyes.]
Mr. Mailman?
MMailman
My back! [Patrick picks up the mailman and puts his hat to his mouth and blows into it like a balloon. The mailman is back to normal and Patrick puts him back down feet first on the ground and the mailman is groaning in pain]
[while adjusting the mailman's hat] You okay, buddy?
I1Incidental 154
Gotta... deliver... mail.
You are in no shape to deliver anything, fella. Just relax and [throws the mailman to Patrick's rock] crash at my place. I'll deliver your mail for you today.
S13Captain Pipsqueak
[walks into the E.V.I.L. lair] Hello? [laughs] I'm here to join the forces of E.V.I.L.![Plankton walks into the audition room, and Dennis appears handing him a clipboard.]
DDennis
Dude.
Huh, wha-?
DDennis
Sign in and wait your turn.
VVillain
Red leather, yellow leather.
TThief
Get out of the car, fellas!
SFSticky Fins Whiting
Take all your money and put it in the bag!
NDr. Negative
No, Mr. Bob. I expect you to fry. [cackles]
MHMadame Hagfish
When the full moon rises...
[Earworm is seen speaking lines]
I am the Strangler! [clears his throat] I'm the Strangler.
[Robot Mantis is seen growling]
PPrawn
What is this yellow thing? Some kind of mold?
[DoodleBob is seen babbling]
DDDorsal Dan
To be or--line!
GGordon
[throws his paper and uses a mallet to smash a watermelon] Ha.
S13Plane to Sea
CClerk
Okay everybody, say "I love my family."
[as Patrick continues crying] I'd rather not.
CClerk
[aggressively] Say it!
SSSpongeBob and Squidward
[elatedly and monotonously, respectively] I love my family. [As the picture is being taken, SpongeBob hugs Squidward, Squidward grunts, and Patrick cheers happily. The photo prints out to be live action versions of the trio. Bubble wipe to the next scene with passengers getting on the plane.]
[sits on Squidward] I think you're on my seat, pop.
[Squidward pulls himself out. SpongeBob zooms in, pushing Squidward to the middle seat.]
And I'll take the isle! [laughs]
PSPatrick and SpongeBob
Daddy's in the middle!
Oh, no! I am not suffering a whole flight between you two barnacle brains! At least give me the aisle. [he switches seats with SpongeBob]
S13Squidferatu
Biting my begonias, eh? Not on my watch. [laughs]
MMailman
[walks up to Squidward] Mailman! [Startled, Squidward turns around, screams and sprays Mailman's eyes. They become red and he screams as he hands Squidward some mail, promptly walking away.]
Oh, a letter. Uh, thank you. [Squidward takes a closer look at the letter, seeing the name Nosferatu written on it.] Nosferatu!? [thunder roars] Huh, what? [sighs] I got his mail by mistake, again! [grumbles as he walks toward his trash can] I'll just file that in here! [Squidward opens the trash lid, revealing SpongeBob inside. Squidward shoves the letter in SpongeBob's mouth, closes the lid, and walks away laughing.] Huh!? [Squidward turns around and opens the lid again, with SpongeBob inside. He speaks, but his mouth is full.] SpongeBob?[SpongeBob talks more with his mouth full, until Squidward pulls the letter out of his mouth.] What are you doing in my garbage?[SpongeBob lifts up Squidward's nose and puts a bucket on it. He gets on Squidward's shoulders and puts a mop in the bucket, before taking it out and raising it in the air.]
Spring cleaning! But Squidward, [bucket falls off of Squidward's nose] for shame. You can't just throw out [throws a mop in the air] the mail of Nosferatu! [thunder roars]
IInnkeeper
[stopping in front of them] Don't go to the castle! Don't go to the castle! Don't go-- [gets run over by a skeleton horse pulling a carriage, Creepy coachman pats carriage, opening stairs which crush the inkeeper]
Ah! Well, a coach to the castle. How elegant. [walks forward, then SpongeBob follows] Step lively, SpongeBob.[Squidward enters the carriage, and SpongeBob puts the mail bag in the back. SpongeBob enters as well, and the steps are lifted. SpongeBob looks at the innkeeper.]
IInnkeeper
[lifting head up, injured] The castle!
Aw. [holds Krabby Patty] Looks like someone could use a Krabby Patty. [feeds innkeeper patty, moving his mouth to chew it Innkeeper weakly gives thumbs up The carriage moves onward to Nosferatu's castle. SpongeBob and Squidward move from side to side in the carriage, bumping into the walls, as it moves across the sharp corners. They then go around some curves, making SpongeBob and Squidward move in the carriage again.]
[spinning in air] Whoo! Whoo! [SpongeBob and Squidward's body parts move all over the place in the carriage like pinballs as it continues moving forward. They finally arrive at the castle, and Squidward falls out of the carriage in pieces.]
[standing up] We're taking the bus on the way home! [inhales and sucks his nose back in, SpongeBob tosses the mail bag directly onto Squidward, which floats in place] Huh? Hmm. [SpongeBob gets off the carriage, and the creepy coachman hisses at them as he leaves. The carriage turns into a bat and flies away. The mail bag crushes SpongeBob and Squidward, to which Squidward gets out from it and knocks on the door with the door decoration.] Hello, Nosferatu? [lightning crashes, looks around] Hmm. [walks away] Well, looks like nobody's home. [door opens] Of course. [Squidward peeks inside to reveal the interior of Nosferatu's castle, which causes some jellyfish bats to fly away.] Hello? [hesitantly walks inside] We're just here to drop off your mail.
[almost falling on Squidward] Whoa! [Squidward shoves him]
[lightning crashes, causing him to scream and grab onto the mail bag] What's happening?
I am sorry master. [kisses Nosferatu's hand] It won't happen again. [continues kissing Nosferatu's hand]
[disgusted] Ew. We'll let ourselves out.
[being dragged by Squidward, still with rearranged body parts] Aw, I don't want to leave. Boo!
SSquidwward
[lightning crashes] Ah!
[closing door with face] Oh, you can't leave due to inclement weather.
We can't leave yet. Yay!
[pops out of platter] Oh, I can help you decide. [laughs, opening platters] We have roasted werewolf teeth, pickled demon beards, fried mummy fingers, and [head opens to reveal his brain] brains tartare. [Squidward gags and throws up off-screen]
Ooh, don't mind if I do-- [reaches for Slappy's head as it closes] oh. [laughs]
Or, maybe you would like something sinfully succulent. [opens platter to reveal a Carpathian cheese ball]
Ooh, a Carpathian cheese ball. [tries to dip cookie into the cheese ball, which turns into several spiders]
Uh, eh. Whoopsie! That's my dinner. [holds eating utensils, runs after spiders off-screen] Come to daddy!
Ooh.[Squidward breaks cookie, winces] [waving mummy finger] Oh, you've got to try these mummy fingers, Squidward. [takes bite out of mummy finger] So delicious. Nosferatu, you simply must give me the recipe.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's SpongeBob SquarePants pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.