[runs, panics after having a dream that the Krusty Krab is on fire, stops running for a split second] Oh, what am I doing? I am wasting valuable relaxing time, that's what I'm doing! I mean, really. What are the odds? SpongeBob set the Krusty Krab on fire!
S2Squid's Day Off
S2Something Smells
Okay, now... say it. [SpongeBob hesitates] Say it.
I can't.
SpongeBob, you're never going to feel better 'til you get this thing off your chest.
[has a purple alien-like leech sucking on his chest] I know, Patrick. [pulls it off and throws it aside]
Say it. [SpongeBob still hesitates] Say it...
I'm ugly.
You're ugly and what?
Square?
No, proud.
Is that what he calls it?
[As we cut back to the pineapple rooftop]
[breathing heavily] That felt great! I feel empowered!
So whaddya wanna do now?
I don't know. How about a movie?
Excuse me, sir. I hope my horrible ugliness won't be a distraction to you.
Not at all boy. [He sniffs SpongeBob's bad breath and makes a hilarious disgusted face expression.] DEUUEAUGH!!!!! [runs away]
They all ran away, Patrick.
I bet there's no line at the snack bar. [cuts to the snack bar] Hello? Hello? They must be on break.
Patrick, is everything okay in here? [hears Patrick sobbing and opens a stall door, then sees him sitting on the toilet with a bag over his head] What are you doing in there, Patrick?
[resentfully] Wouldn't you like to know?
And why is that bag on your head?
[sarcastically] Why? Oh, no reason. [angrily] Except you gave me the ugly! [whips the bag off. SpongeBob recoils and gasps as he walks out] What am I gonna do?! I can't go out looking like this!
Just remember what we talked about; there's power in pride.
That may be fine for you, but I was one of the beautiful people. Now look at me! [his breath reaches SpongeBob, who smells it and makes a disgusted face] I'm almost as ugly as you!
I always thought if I was as ugly as that guy, I don't know what I'd do.
Patrick...?
What's my mom gonna say?
[holding his nose] Patrick?
Oh, my gosh, if my sister finds out...
Patrick?
...wait, I don't have a sister. If the bank...
Patrick?
I mean it's one thing if you have bad shoes or even bad hair, but-
[having had enough, he enlarges to stop Patrick's babbling] PATRICK! [shrinks back to normal] You're not ugly, your breath stinks. Really bad.
[sighs with relief, his stench in the shape of skull and crossbones] Ah, what a relief...
[his eyes water from the foul smell] Ugh, barnacles, Patrick! What did you eat?!
Oh, some roast beef, some chicken, a pizza...
[holding his nose] No, I mean just this morning.
Some roast beef, some chicken, a pizza...
What else?
Well, I had some of your sundae.
[realizing] Sundae... [whips out what's left of it] Patrick! My sundae gave us rancid breath!
Whatcha mean?
[coughs] I mean, we're not ugly! We just stink!
S2Bossy Boots
SpongeBob, what do you like better? The Kutie Krab or the Kooky Krab?
For what, dare I ask?
The new name for our new look. I mean, "The Krusty Krab" has got to go. Who wants to eat at a place they think is crusty? Bleh.
Well, sure it's a terrible name, but this is a terrible place. Therefore, the name should be left alone. Right, SpongeBob?
I got it! How about The Khaotic Krab?
How about The Kissy Krab? [smooches]
[dressed as a king] The King Krab.
[holds up a lollipop] The Kandy Krab.
[dressed like a beat poet] The Kool Krab. [dressed as a cowboy] Or the Kowboy Krab. [stretched out] The Kurly Krab. [dressed as a mad scientist] The Kreepy Krab. [dressed as a crazy killer jungle man] THE KILLER KRAB!!
[gasps] No!
You're right, too scary.
[Pause]
SPSpongeBob and Pearl
The Kuddly Krab! [they both hug and laugh]
[A rainbow of colors fills the screen. Pearl, SpongeBob and an anguished Squidward stand outside the new restaurant. The sign for the restaurant is now a heart and a cutesy robot Krabs is waving his arms atop it. The restaurant outside itself is tie-dyed with colors and rainbows and the flags are now hearts. Balloons are hanging from the roof and giant lollipops come from the chimney. Pearl and SpongeBob, giggling, walk back in the restaurant. Squidward is so mad in fact that the two K's on his uniform catch on fire and he shakes the pole. The female fish and Fred drive by in a car]
It's a shame old man Krabs sold the Krusty Krab.
That's a darn shame. Hey, lady! Do you know where we can get something to eat around here?
THAT'S IT, I'LL QUIT!!! [rips off his uniform, revealing nothing under it. A police whistle is blown and the police fish comes over and writes him a ticket for indecent exposure and places it between his legs] Oops.
S2Big Pink Loser
[Patrick showing SpongeBob his award]
[reading award caption] "For outstanding achievement in achievement" - 'SpongeBob SquarePants'?
"SpongeBob SquarePants"? That's a funny way to spell my name.
Uh, Patrick, I think the award is for me. You must have got it by mistake.
[sadly] But, it's shiny!
Yeah, but, you know what else is shiny?
Ice cream!
Exactly!
I can find it! Is it in here?
No, don't! That's my---- [Patrick opens the door and an enormous pile of trophies tumble out] award closet.
[tearing up] I want an award!
[pops up with prized ribbons on his eyes] Aw, Patrick, don't cry.
[Patrick cries]
[The phone rings and Patrick picks up the receiver]
MCMale Caller 1
[on the phone] Is this the Krusty Krab?
No, this is Patrick. [hangs up and whistles; the phone rings again and picks it up again]
FCFemale Caller
[on the phone] Is this the Krusty Krab?
[annoyed] No, this is Patrick. [hangs up again and continues to whistle; the phone rings and he picks it up again]
MCMale Caller 2
[on the phone] Is this the Krusty Krab?
[yelling angrily] NO, THIS IS PATRICK!!! [slams phone back onto hook] I'm not a Krusty Krab.
Uh, Patrick, that's the name of the restaurant.
Huh? FISHPASTE!
I'm never going to get an award now.
Don't give up, Patrick! This time I got something I know you can do. We're going to open a jar. [takes the lid off the jar] Easy! Now you try. First, get a jar.
[Patrick grabs a pickle]
Patrick, that's a pickle.
Patrick Yes.
You need a jar. [Patrick holds up a spatula] No. [Patrick takes off his shorts] No. [Patrick picks up SpongeBob] No. Try this. [gives Patrick a jar]
SPSpongeBob and Patrick
[are at the grill frying patties. They both whistle to the tune of "Row, Row, Row Your Boat", then stop, and they both wipe their foreheads] Whew!
[drops his spatula; laughs] Dropped my spatula. [bends down to pick it up]
Uh, me too. [drops his spatula and bends down to pick it up]
[SpongeBob and Patrick bend back up and SpongeBob takes off his hat, then Patrick takes off his, they both put their hats back on, then they both put their hands on the grill; Patrick's hand burns after a few seconds]
Owwww!
Aha! [shows the fake hand] You're copying me!
Yes.
Why are you doing that?
So I can win an award like you.
Well, it's annoying, so stop it!
Stop it. [both imitate the others facial expressions]
Say, you're good.
Thanks.
SPSpongeBob and Patrick
Ha! Darn. [both look at each other with suspicion, while rubbing their chins. They later watch each other as they dance to "Mary had a Little Lamb"] Mary had a little lamb whose fleece was white as PICKLE FISH LIPS!!!!! [both cover their mouths] Seaweavel. [both cover their mouths again] Yorgyshmorgies. [both cover their mouths yet again]
[in his head] At least I'm safe inside my mind.
[in his head; as SpongeBob realizes that he wasn't safe in his mind] At least I'm safe inside my mind.
SPSpongeBob and Patrick
Aaaggghhh!
[SpongeBob and Patrick then run out of the Krusty Krab]
Stop copying me!
There's no award for that!
[leaning against the Krusty Krab sign pole, reading a newspaper, a Krusty Krab hat falls near him] Well, I guess it's safe to go in now. [puts his hat back on and walks back in]
[he and Patrick are still running] Patrick, how long are you gonna keep this up?
Until I have as many awards as you.
We'll see about that!
No, we won't.
[takes out a jump-rope] I'm the jump-rope champion of Bikini Bottom.
Me too. [takes out a jump-rope]
Oh, yeah? I call this one: The Slice N' Dice. [crosses his arms and jump-ropes while Patrick tries to imitate but ties himself up with his rope] Ha! Not a scratch on me. [his body breaks down into pieces, which later hop away]
Oh, no, you don't! [squeezes the rope on himself breaking his body down into smaller pieces, then he and SpongeBob repeatedly hit their heads with a hammer]
Not much fun being me, now, huh, Patrick?
Are you kidding? I used to do this way before I started copying you. '[SpongeBob stops hammering his head but Patrick does not notice. Patrick hits himself faster and too hard, he stops and gets dizzy...] Wheeeee-eeeeeyeeehhh-eeeeh. [...as trophies appear and spin around his head, tweeting like birds. He falls on the ground; SpongeBob laughs and runs into Patrick's rock painted as SpongeBob's house; SpongeBob gets angry and steam comes out of his head] My turn! [runs into the pineapple rock as SpongeBob quickly runs into his real house]
What's so great about being a big pink loser?
S2Bubble Buddy
Stick buddy! [the stick falls over] Nah. Rock buddy! Nope. Sink buddy! [a drip of water comes out of the sink] Almost.
Here, one of everything! No cheese, no crust, no pickles to the left, four squirts of ketchup, wheat buns, non-dairy lettuce, and farm-raised tomatoes, carnival style! And if there is anything else I can do, please hesitate to ask.
FFrancis
He kept us waiting for a bubble?
That's nothing! He called us fat! [begins crunching on celery stalks along with others]
[crying as she shows her clean flipper] He washed my flipper!
[storming up] He owes me money!
[following Mr. Krabs] He made me provide excellent service!
[appears with a halo and angel clothing on] Dudes! He made me experience high tide! [floats up towards the surface while laughing]
TTom
He poisoned our water supply, burned our crops and delivered a plague unto our houses!
PProtesters
He did?
TTom
No...But are we just gonna wait around until he does?
I say we tip somethin' over!
[All yelling, everyone tips the lifeguard stand]
Hey!
[The stand crashes to the ground]
PProtester
Now what?
PProtesters
Get the lifeguard! [they go to the lifeguard]
[stops them] Wait! Don't waste this senseless violence on him! It's that stupid bubble of SpongeBob's that's causing all the problems! [holds up a needle] Who's with me?!
PProtesters
Pop the bubble! [hold up needles]
S2Dying for Pie
So, are you ready?
To go home?
No, to exchange gifts for Employee Brotherhood Day.
Mr. Krabs, you pay me to stand behind this register, and take orders, and give change. But you could never pay me enough to act brotherly towards that guy. [points to SpongeBob]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's SpongeBob SquarePants pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.