TV show quotes
Like we're really gonna turn all this money for-
Wrestle Camp! Wrestle Camp, Wrestle Camp, Wrestle Camp!
Wrestle Camp it is.
[The janitor vacuums up all the money and Mr. Krabs falls apart, then the janitor walks away]
See you at Wrestle Camp, Mr. Krabs! [drops a wrestle camp hat on Mr. Krabs and the episode ends]
SpongeBob, you can't expect my usual brand of stupidity. I like to mix it up. Keep you on your toes.
[gasps] THE SUPER RARE AND PRICELESS MERMAIDMAN AND BARNACLEBOY TRADING CARD! Patrick, where is it?! Where is it?! Neptune, you did not put that in your pocket, did you?! It's getting all bent up! Bent up! [falls on the ground and cries] Bent uuuup! Bent, bent, bent, bent, bent up!
Sheesh. Don't get your pants up in a square knot, SpongeBob. I don't even believe in pockets. I keep everything I need right here. [a bunch of stuff is shown in his back] In the folds of my back fat. [pulls card out of his back] You seem to be pretty fond of this little thing. Why don't you just keep it?
You mean... [sniffles] you'd give me your most valuable possession?
I'd give you my most valuable possession? [they hug]
You're the best pal ever.
I'm the best pal ever. But can you do me one favor?
Patrick and I have come up with a secret handshake.
Secret!
[playing patty-cake] Patty-cake, patty-cake, sailor man! Bake me a cake as fast...
SpongeBob! That's not a secret handshake! Everybody knows Patty-cake!
Not the way we do it.
We don't use our pinkies.
[Gary's food bowl lands on Squidward, who is on the couch, which is tipped over. Squidward sits up to realize he has the vacuum stuck inside of him] SpongeBob! [he loses balance out of the room, and falls down the stairs. He stops on one stair for the vacuum whirring, and his next step makes him fall off the final stairs before choking out the vacuum] Is it really you? [switches the vacuum to on, allowing it to whir. He picks it up] It is you! [kisses it] Come on, baby. You and I will walk out of this horror show the way we walked into it: with dignity and aplomb. [he walks out of SpongeBob's house to hear a siren, and sees firemen hosing his burnt house, while SpongeBob and Patrick are there] My house...
You just missed the fire. [Squidward walks to the firemen]
What happened to my house? [fireman holds up a burnt casserole]
Oh, some knucklehead left a casserole in the oven.
[yelling] SPOOOOOONGEBOOOOOOOOOOOOOB!!!!!!!!
Aw, don't worry, Squidward. You're more than welcome to stay at my house until you get your house fixed.
[Squidward becomes shocked with ominous music playing, he suddenly imagines himself at a table with his vacuum cleaner at the seat across from him.]
Why, yes, I'd love another spot of tea, Mr. Vacuum Cleaner. [holds up the burnt casserole] Care for some casserole? [crazed laughter. Camera zooms in on his pupil, and the scene cuts back to real life]
Squidward? You okay? Squidward? [Squidward faints; yelling] SQUIIIIIIIIIIDWAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRD!!!!!!!!!!
Here's the slop you ordered. [tosses tray of food down on customer's table] Enjoy. If you can choke it down. [laughs]
[writes] Be rude to customers and insult food. Nasally laugh.
[Bubble transition to Squidward throwing a bag of trash at the dumpster out back. He breaks the bag open. SpongeBob does the same. Squidward pats SpongeBob on the head. Bubble transition.]
Can I get a Krabby Patty Combo?
No.
How about a Double Krabby?
No.
Can I get a Triple Patty with cheese?
[nudging Squidward] Oh I think you've had way too many of those. [both laugh like Squidward as the customer walks off angry. Cut to another trash bag broken being thrown at the dumpster. SpongeBob tosses a tray on a customers table, spilling the drinks on the floor]
Taught him everything he knows. [more bags of trash being broken and customers getting burnt food or food thrown at them. SpongeBob and Squidward are snoring the bathroom while customers are waiting to use the stalls. Customers are clamoring in line while SpongeBob and Squidward are snoring at the cash register as Mr. Krabs enters]
[angry] What are you two doing?! Get to work! I'm used to Squidward sleeping on the job, but I expect more from you, Mr. SquarePants!
I am not SpongeBob SquarePants, Mr. Krabs!
What in the name of Davy Jones are you talking about?!
I mean, do these pants look square to you? They're round!
Yeah, so?
I can't be SpongeBob SquarePants with round pants!
Who told you that?
Patrick.
[Pans quickly to Patrick about to eat but stops and puts his Krabby Patty down as he realizes his error.]
Well, why don't you just take them off?
[Bubble transition to SpongeBob bringing out a Krabby Patty in his underwear.]
Order up, Squidward!
Well well, if it isn't SpongeBob UnderPants! [chuckles. SpongeBob notices he's in his underwear and screams as the episode ends]
[SpongeBob and Patrick come out of the jail gates.]
You're right, Patboy! This town needs us!
[A man is shown chewing his gum; gum bubble pops]
You're chewing too loud! [throws him in jail]
[A man with untied shoes is shown]
Your shoe's untied! [throws him in jail]
You're too old! [throws an old woman in jail, which has lots of people]
You once again managed to single-handedly annihilate what might be the one and only chance I may ever get to sew just one tiny seed of creative hope into the culturally barren wasteland that each and every one of us is forced to call home!
Actually, I've been commuting from upstate.
Now, I don't suppose you two have anything to say for yourselves?
Well, I guess if I was to say one thing, it would have to be: We're sorry, Squidward. [Squidward looks horrified as SpongeBob revealed Squidward's name]
Yeah, we're sorry, Squidward.
[frantic] No, no, no, no, no! Shh shh shh...
Hey, did those guys just call you Squidward?
[frantic] No, no, no, no, no! They said "Squilliam"!
Oh! I knew this guy was phony from minute one! I'm gettin' outta here.
Yeah, me, too! I'm gonna get my tuition back!
No! Wait! [everyone walks to the door and Squidward blocks it] NO! You're not going anywhere!
[The door is smashed open and several police fish run in. Squidward, who was flattened against the wall by the door, is grabbed by them]
Wha-What's going on here?
Sorry, Professor, your little symphony is over.
[she and the real Squilliam Fancyson are there] It's true, we're onto your little ruse! [the reporter and cameraman are there too]
What a hot scoop!
The real Squiliam as we all know has a large bushy unibrow just at the base of his forehead.
But... [a police officer rips off Squidward's Wig]
No unibrow. Squidward Q. Tentacles, i'm placing you under arrest for impersonating a genius.
[Squidward is handcuffed and taken away by the police. SpongeBob takes out the metronome, starts it, and he and Patrick start swaying to the rhythm again]
Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick...
[Mrs. Wormley and Gary are growling each other again.]
It looks like they're still not getting used to each other.
Well, these things take time.
[Gary and Mrs. Wormsley start fighting again. SpongeBob and Patrick see the fight and they run and hide in SpongeBob's bed]
Duck and Cover!
[the fighting still continues outside of conch street; Mrs. Wormsley leaves Bikini Bottom on a bus as Gary leaves]
This town is getting too rough for me.
He's chased her away! Now, who will care for her abandoned newborn infants?
Maybe you could take care of them.
Oh, no way Patrick. I've never seen Gary that upset.
Okay, boy, get out there. [throws SpongeBob outside towards Plankton's robot and SpongeBob gets grabbed by the robot]
Um... hello... what do you want robot thing, sir? [Plankton walks out on a boardwalk] Oh, hey Plankton! What are you doing here?
I'm here for the secret formula you twit! Now I want you to go in there and tell Krabs that if he doesn't turn over the formula to me, that he'll be subjected to utter annihilation at my... Are you getting this? [SpongeBob inhales and shakes his head; Plankton face palms and groans] Agh! Idiot! Okay, I'll make it simple: Krabs give me secret formula or I bring big boom-boom to Krusty Krab. Got it?
[writing on clipboard] Krabs give me secret formula or... uhhh... what was that other thing?
[groans frustratedly] Forget it! [marches back into his command module, drops SpongeBob] Bring on the Boom-Boom! [laughs]
[Plankton's robot starts marching toward the Krusty Krab]
Battle stations, men! Here he comes!
We're all doomed, we're all doomed, we're all doomed, we're all doomed, doomed, doomed, doomed, doomed, doomed, we're all doomed, we're all doomed, we're all doomed, we're all doomed!
[walking out of the Krusty Krab] Later.
[The robot continues to march again with Plankton. But then, you notice that the extension cord that is powering the robot is about to be unplugged. The robot stops only foot away from the Krusty Krab]
Hey, what gives?
[SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs emerge from the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs laughed at Plankton's failed attempt and the two walked away.]
That guy still flopping?
Yeah! Amazing, isn't it?
Doesn't that get old?
He's got a point.
Yeah. You've seen enough?
Yeah, let's get out of here. [He, Frank, and another customer throw their food on the floor and leave]
Me, too. I'm out. [He throws his food on the floor and leaves like everybody else]
What? Wait! Don't go! Why ya leaving?
This guy's act is stale! We crave excitement! [all the other customers argue]
Okay, Okay! You want excitement? What if I added a box? [puts Patrick on a box as he falls from it] Huh? Huh?
Sort of the same, really.
Yeah.
Oh, okay, so what if he flopped from two boxes...? [adds another box, but the customers are still bored] ...into a cream pie? [puts a cream pie in place]
I like pie.
Say now.
That, I'd pay to see!
[At the Krusty Krab, everyone, but not Squidward, laughs at Patrick falling with his hat.]
You idiots think that's entertainment? Well, brace yourselves for some true entertainment.
[SpongeBob and Patrick are relaxing on Squidward's couch, both looking bored]
Huh...Patrick?
Yeah?
Whaddya wanna do today?
I don't know.
Well, I guess we could play something. [opens a toy chest and rummages through] How about a yo...
No.
yo. [tosses it aside] Buried treasure board game?
Nah.
Dollies?
Hm..... nope. [SpongeBob holds up a ship in a bottle] No. [SpongeBob holds up a paddle ball] Nope. Nope. Uh-uh. No. Nah.
[holding up Old Man Walker] How about this?
Hello.
Uh-uh.
[tosses Old Man Walker aside, then falls into the chest and re-emerges with action figures] Hey, we could play with our Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy action figures! Ew. Barnacle Boy's all chewed up. And slimy.
[chewing on a Mermaid Man action figure] Yeah, that'll happen.
[tosses Barnacle Boy aside, wipes his hand, and wades through toys] Ugh, there is just nothing to play with.
There's gotta be something we can do.
[walks out of the shower] Ladda-de ladd-dum ladda-do... Hey! What are you doing in my house?
Hi, Squidward. Can you think of anything fun we can do?
GET OUT!
Well, yeah, we thought of that one.
[pushes SpongeBob, Patrick, and a pile of toys out the door] I believe this pile belongs to you. [throws Old Man Walker out the door]
Where are we goin' now, boys?
[Floating gently down] All is fair in love and war my friend slash enemy, or should I say, my friend-enemy!? [presses a sand button where a jet fighter resembling an F-16 hovers in midair until SpongeBob lands in the cockpit. It then starts chasing Patrick's robot head] Let's have some real fun! [Presses a button that launches two missiles that fly towards Patrick. Patrick screams as he turns his robot head away from the missiles]
[as he breaks the shells on the shelves] Why - can't - I - stop - brea - king - SHELLS?!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's SpongeBob SquarePants pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
