TV show quotes
[after SpongeBob has destroyed all of Angry Jack's Shell Emporium]
Well, look on the bright side. I reduced your inventory for you.
Reduced?! You destroyed everything! And now, you're gonna have to pay!
Are you really angry, or ya just trying to sound louder?
I'M REALLY ANGRY!
Blistering fury!
Forget about what that word means! There's a fire breaking out in the language lobes!
We need to get outta here! [Mini Brain Patrick 3 pushes on a door with signs saying "PULL TO OPEN"]
The door's jammed!
Push harder! [all Mini Brain Patricks start moaning and coughing]
Don't look now, but I think your catchy slogan days are numbered.
[barfs on floor] Something's not right.
Yeah, I know, I keep sayin' "Chum is Fum" but it's...ehh...it's just not working.
I'm outta here. [throws chumstick on the floor and leaves]
[also throws chumstick on the floor and leaves]
[To Patrick who is sleeping] Patrick!
[Wakes up] Huh?
We're having a board meeting here! We need ideas!
[Examining a line graph whose line ends in a toilet] Hmmmm...mmmhmmm...uh-huh. I think I see the problem. Your potty has a shocky thing in it!
[Annoyed] NO! That's not it you FOOL! We need a new slogan! You need to come up with a new genius catchphrase like Chum is Fum! But different.
Oh gotcha. Hmmmm. [Cut to Chum Bucket, whose slogan has been switched to "Fum is Chum!"]
I'm so happy that they changed that old tired slogan "Chum is Fum"!
Yeah that new slogan, "Fum is Chum" is way cooler!
Way cooler!
Excuse me, sir. [hands resignation slip] My resignation. [shows picture of himself in a fighter plane shooting bullets]
[singing]
Me me me meeee... me me...
Oh, my Karen. Oh, my Karen.
Oh, my computer wife, Karen.
Put down those punch cards,
Put down those punch cards,
And listen to my ode.
Oh, my Karen. Oh, my Karen.
Oh, my computer wife, Karen.
What compares to,
What compares to...
Ehhhh, um, eeh... AH-HA!
Your beautiful diodes?
[Instrumental break]
Oh, my Karen. Oh, my Karen.
Oh, my computer wife, Karen.
I was blinded, yes, I was blinded,
I was blinded by the light of your cathode ray.
Oh, I built you, yes, I built you,
I built you in the - ehhh... erm...
In the shape of a cube!
Oh, my Karen. Oh, my Karen.
You'll never know how much I love your vacuum tubes!
[Plankton hugs one of Karen's lightbulbs. Karen smiles, Plankton, SpongeBob, and Patrick bow, and the song ends]
[sniffles] That was so beautiful.
You really liked it?
I loved it! But not as much as I love you, Plankton.
I l... l... love you, too! [Bikini Bottom citizens, including SpongeBob, rush in and say "Aw."] So, can I have my present now?
Of course, my little overlord. Now loading the Krabby Patty Formula...
They're such a lovely couple. [sniffs before he suddenly gasps] The Krabby Patty Formula?!
Yes! You porous kitchen utensil! By helping me woo my computer wife, you've just doomed the Krusty Krab! [laughs evilly]
Oh no! I've got to stop it before it's too late.
45% Loaded.
[presses several buttons on a computer keyboard] Control, Alt, Delete.
55% Loaded.
[smashes against the computer keyboard] How do you turn this thing off?!
Get your hands off my wife!
65% Loaded.
[gasps] The plug. [Plankton gasps] Ha! You lose, Plankton.
[sarcastically] Oh no. You unplugged the coffee maker, SpongeBob.
[gulps] I am so fired.
Loading Krabby Patty Formula...
Here it comes!
Oh, Plankton, you've made me so happy.
That's fantastic. Where's that formula?
[cries happily with tears of joy] I'm crying... What's going on? [starts to spark electric sparks]
Karen, what's wrong? Have you sprung a leak?
No. I'm just so happy! I'm crying with tears of joy!
But you're shorting out!
I'm just--. The Krabby... Patty... Formula... loading... completed...!
Yes!
NO!
[The text on the screen blurs and the word "ERROR" appears on the screen]
NO!
YES! I'm saved! Your wife exploded! [puts up his arms with victory; Plankton makes a serious face] Um... happy anniversary, you guys. [scratches his head, shrugs, and leaves]
Rebooting... Loading E.M.I.L.P.
E.M.I.L.P.? What's E.M.I.L.P.?!
Emergency Mother In-Law Program.
Oh, no.
[Karen's screen displays an angry-faced mother in law wearing glasses]
Plankton, what have you done to my daughter?! You made her cry! [Plankton groans] You know, she could have been with an ATM! Someone with money! But she chose you! I don't know why!
You're not wearing shoes, lad! You're not going section 8 on me, are you?
I was wearing shoes, they... it's so hot, they melted off.
In return for its awesomeness, the Big One always demands... a sacrifice. One of you...will not return.
I volunteer SpongeBob!
[voiceover] 10 years ago, an unknown [The clip is replaced by a clip of Patchy laughing in Party Pooper Pants."] pirate from Encino began a [The clip is replaced with a clip of Patchy removing the SpongeBob items off his bed from "The Sponge Who Could Fly."] decade-long obsession [The clip is replaced with a clip of Patchy in his one man band from "Party Pooper Pants."] with TV's most beloved [The clip is replaced by a clip of Patchy putting the SpongeBob cookie ornament on his Christmas tree from "Christmas Who?"] and absorbent sponge. And today, [The clip is replaced by a clip of Patchy being spun on the playground roundabout from "The Sponge Who Could Fly."] a mere 10 years later, obviously, [The clip is replaced by a clip of Patchy in a barrel and female parrots trying to kiss him from "Party Pooper Pants."] 10 years ago, I said that, [The clip is replaced by a clip of Patchy in a cannon and then being shot out of it from "Shanghaied."] he has traveled all the way to a far off land known as "Burbank" [The clip is replaced by a clip of Patchy going down a slide from "The Sponge Who Could Fly."] to find Nicktoons Animation Studio [The clip is replaced with a clip of Patchy ripping his underwear off from "The Sponge Who Could Fly."] and meet his idol [The clip is replaced with a clip of Patchy being chewed on by a T-Rex from "Ugh."] face to face for the first time [The clip is replaced with a clip of Patchy getting angry in "The Sponge Who Could Fly."] in [The clip is replaced with a clip of Patchy rolling around in the lost episode's film strip from "The Sponge Who Could Fly."] 10 years... it's 10 years ago. [The clip is replaced with a clip of Patchy holding up a SpongeBob cookie when he was talking about if Squidward was right about Christmas in "Christmas Who?"] It's 10 years ago. [The clip is replaced with a clip of Patchy seeing the stick of dynamite and it going off from "Party Pooper Pants."] Let's see what happens, yeah. [The clip shows Patchy burned after the explosion in "Shanghaied", and the screen cuts to black.]
Good morning, Gary!
Meow.
A little overboard? And take a chance at being late for the single most greatest day of my career. The 100th anniversary of the Krusty Krab. Oh, oh, oh, I think not. No self-respecting Krusty Krab employee would be late on this day.
[A line of alarm clocks are leading to the inside of Squidward's house.
[muttering] What the?
[yelling out of his window] See you at the big event, Squidward!
Today's a big a day for the Krusty Krab, so I want yous to listen up. [pushes the button. It causes a shield to go around the Krusty Krab] It's a perfect opportunity for Plankton to try and steal the Krabby Patty formula. [pulls a lever that looks like a handle on a table]
Isn't that just the Krusty Krab?
No. It's a holographic projection of the Krusty Krab. I want you two to watch all the entrances.
You mean the front door and the back door?
Those are just the ones on the surface. There is an entire network of tunnels and air ducts underground and I want all eyes on the look out!
Aye, aye, Mr. Krabs. [eyes grow on him, filling his holes]
Right. Study the map, stay extra vigilant. Don't fall asleep on the job. That means you, Squidward.
What?! I have never fallen asleep on duty.
Don't make me have a flashback.
[as it is still panning in] It's a conspiracy, I tell you! A thousand and three times I've almost had that recipe, and a thousand and three times I've been launched by that Krabs! He celebrates eleventy-seven years of success, I'm left with four score and forty fortnights of failure! I give up, Karen. Krabs has won!
Well, you'll never get the formula with that attitude. Maybe a thousand and four will be your lucky number.
Oh, yeah? You try getting launched.
Oh, right, the launchings. [her face is replaced by a loading bar and the word "accessing" above it] I've got them all on my hard drive.
[The scene shows, on Karen's monitor, Mr. Krabs in a baseball uniform, exiting the Krusty Krab. The scene shifts to show just the scene. Mr. Krabs pushes Plankton into the air. Mr. Krabs does this with a glove that he is wearing. Mr. Krabs spits and then throws Plankton. Plankton hits the Chum Bucket. The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs' claw putting down a golf tee. He puts Plankton on the tee. He is then shown in a golf outfit, holding a golf club. He then prepares to hit Plankton]
Fore! [hits Plankton, who hits the Chum Bucket]
Ow!
[The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs riding on a seahorse, wearing a polo uniform, and holding a polo stick. Plankton is shown running. away from the polo stick. Mr. Krabs hits Plankton. Plankton screams and hits the Chum Bucket. The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs holding a slingshot with Plankton on it. Mr. Krabs is holding the slingshot back. Mr. Krabs releases the slingshot. Plankton screams and hits the Chum Bucket. The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs in a hockey uniform holding a hockey stick. He is pushing Plankton on some ice that is outside of the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs hits Plankton. Plankton screams and hits the Chum Bucket. The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs with a curling stone that has Plankton on it. Mr. Krabs pushes the curling stone on the ice. SpongeBob takes a broom and sweeps and walks backwards until he reaches the Chum Bucket. Plankton screams until he hits the Chum Bucket doors. The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob in football uniforms. SpongeBob is holding Plankton horizontally in front of Mr. Krabs. Mr. Krabs runs up and kicks Plankton. Plankton screams and hits the Chum Bucket. There is a goal post painted on the Chum Bucket. SpongeBob pops and puts both his arms horizontally in the air, signally that Mr. Krabs got the point. The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs holding Plankton, walking outside the Krusty Krab]
I'm tired today, Plankton. [drops Plankton] You're just gonna have to launch yourself. [walks back inside]
[tears up. He walks to the Chum Bucket and hits his head on the door] Splat. [begins to cry]
[Karen's laughing is heard. The scene pans out to show the scene on Karen's monitor. The scene shifts to not-recording Plankton]
Karen?!
[The footage is removed and replaced with Karen]
I'm sorry. That last part always makes me laugh.
[jumps off his desk] It's just no use!
Today's the perfect day to steal the recipe. Krabs will be completely distracted by all the festivities. You can do this.
You really think so?
Of course, I do. Now who's my big man?
Oh, Karen.
Come on. Come on. Who's my big strong man?
I am.
That's right. Now get out there and steal that recipe.
[saluting Karen] Yes, Ma'am!
We want Krabby Patties! We want Krabby Patties! We want Krabby Patties!
Okay, open your ears. These people have come from miles around because they love my patties. I want every employee on their best behavior.
Are you getting any of this, SpongeBob?
Every word, Squidward, every word.
SpongeBob! [groans in anger] Why must you always ruin my plans?!
Plankton, you're trying to steal the Krabby Patty recipe again.
Uh, I didn't, uh...Okay fine. You caught me. You happy now?
You know, this reminds me of the time Mr. Krabs confided in me the Krabby Patty recipe. Oh, I don't want to bore you with my silly old stories.
Oh, you couldn't possibly bore me.
Well, okay. Mr. Krabs called me into his office.
[A flashback begins. Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob are shown in Mr. Krabs' office]
SpongeBob, you've been working here for a while now, so I think I can trust you. It's time I told you.
[screams and gasps] You mean?
Yes. The Krabby Patty formular. Follow me, son. [puts his arm around SpongeBob and they start walking] We need to go where no one will ever hear us. [they walk out of the Krusty Krab, leaving Bikini Bottom, going through a jungle while wearing safari explorer clothing, through the desert while wearing desert clothing, on the seas in a storm while wearing rain coats and hats, crossing a bridge in the mountains, climbing up the mountain while wearing winter clothing, and walking up to flat land. They are tired and dirty] Ugh. We finally made it. [pushes SpongeBob ahead quickly until they reach the back of the Krusty Krab; opens the door] Quick, into me office before anyone sees us. [closes the door]
[The flashback ends]
What? You went in a circle. Why didn't you just stay in the Krusty Krab?
We wanted to make sure we weren't followed. Then, Mr. Krabs leaned close and whispered the recipe.
Yes? Go on.
[The flashback resumes. Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob are shown in the Krusty Krab. They are cleaned up.]
Now, remember, you can never tell another living soul.
Wait! [trying to write it down] Wait! Hold on!
[holding on to the edge of the bubble] What's that?
My pen is out of ink! [tries to get the pen to work. Eventually, it works] Okay, okay, go ahead.
Plankton. [grabs Plankton and rolls him up like a ball] You'll never have get me formula--not even in a flashback! [laughs and throws Plankton through another grate]
For instance, did you know that SpongeBob was not the first choice to star in the show? [gasps] Hard to believe, I know. Watch these opening themes, and you'll see why he was eventually picked.
[The classic film countdown happens. Painty is shown.]
Are you ready, kids?
Aye, aye, Captain.
I can't hear you.
Aye, aye, Captain!
Oh... [Bikini Atoll is shown. The bubble transition goes until it shows Squidward's house] ♪Who lives in a monument under the sea?♪
[The door opens and Squidward is shown with pants. He looks down in shock. Hans takes the pants off and Squidward smiles.]
♪Squidward Tentacles!♪ [Squidward falls into a bathtub and his head expands]
♪Obnoxious, abrasive, conceded is he!♪ [water comes out of Squidward's mouth and it covers the screen. One it clears, his name is shown in bubbles]
♪Squidward Tentacles!♪ [the name bubbles pop]
[as Squidward is shown four times riding his recumbent bicycle with part of his name behind each of the bikes] ♪If practical common sense be something you wish...♪
♪Squidward Tentacles!♪
[off-screen] Neeext!
[The classic film countdown happens again. Painty is shown but with a different mouth.]
Are you ready, kids?
Aye, aye, Captain.
I can't hear you.
Aye, aye, Captain!
Oh... [Bikini Atoll is shown. The bubble transition goes until it shows Patrick's house] ♪Who lives like a barnacle under the sea?♪
♪Patrick Sea Star!♪ [the rock opens and Patrick is shown in his underwear. Hans puts his pants on]
[laughs] Whoa! [falls and starts guffawing]
[off-screen] Nope!
[The classic film countdown happens again and Painty is shown for the third time, but with another different mouth.]
Are you ready, kids?
Aye, aye, Captain.
I can't hear you.
Aye, aye, Captain!
Oh... [Bikini Atoll is shown. The bubble transition goes until it shows Mr. Krabs' house] ♪Who lives in an anchor under the sea?♪
[the door opens to show Mr. Krabs kissing a bag of money. Hans appears and pulls it away] ♪Eugene Krabs does!♪
Hey!
♪Crusty and red and greedy is he.♪ [the scene shows Hans taking the bag away. Mr. Krabs is following him]
Come back with me money! [money starts to fall out and Mr. Krabs grabs it]
♪Eugene Krabs does!♪ [Mr. Krabs passes some money and goes back to it and picks it up]
♪If stingy and greedy is something you wish...♪
♪Eugene Krabs does!♪
Money, money, money, money, money, money.
[the scene returns to him] Ugh. Pretty cruddy, huh, kids?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's SpongeBob SquarePants pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
