Ms. Garrison quotes from South Park

We've completed our scientific non-biased study of fags having kids.

Look at the freak egg! It has two daddies! [teasing] Two daddies, two daddies!

I'm not a monkey! I'm a woman.

Fine then! Go ahead and leave, you atheist faggot! Have fun mocking God in hell, you queer!

We need to tell the Governor and the world that gay marriage is not OK! That homosexuals cannot muddy our traditions! And there is only one way for us to make that message very clear! We need to round up three or four queers and beat the living hell out of them! [the crowd is silent] Come on, everybody! Let's get some queers and some trucks and have us a good ol'-fashioned Fag Drag!

Well, er, we were thinking we could just go appeal to the Governor.

Appeal to the Governor?! Come on, where's your balls?! Fag drag!

We don't hate homosexuals... We just don't want them to get married.

Yeah, we were just thinking of asking the Governor to veto the bill.

[less confidently, disappointedly] F-fag drag?

Cartman

Okay, how long until the Nintendo Wii comes out?

Stan

It's still three weeks.

Cartman

Oh, God! [pause] Okay, how long is it now?

Kyle

Will you shut up already?

Okay, children, it is now my job to teach you the theory of evolution.

Butters

Oh, boy!

Now, I, for one, think that evolution is a bunch of bullcrap, but I'm told I have to teach it anyway. It was thought up by Charles Darwin and it goes something like this. In the beginning we were all fish, okay, swimming around in the water. And then one day a couple of fish had a retard baby, and the retard baby was different, so it got to live. So retard fish goes on to make more retard babies, and then one day a retard baby fish crawled out of the ocean with its mutant fish hands, and it had buttsex with a squirrel or something, and made this...retard frog-squirrel, and then that had a retard baby which was a monkey-fish-frog, and then this monkey-fish-frog had butt-sex with that monkey, that monkey had a mutant retard baby that screwed another monkey, and that made you. So there you go. You're the retarded offspring of five monkeys having butt-sex with a fish-squirrel. Congratulations!

Cartman

Arrrghh! I can't take it anymore! [runs of screaming]

Yeah, you see? I knew that would happen.

[ringing a triangle] Uh-oh, retard alert! [walks up to Stan's desk] Do you believe in a flying spaghetti monster, too, bubble-head?!

Stan

I wasn't talking about spaghetti.

[picks up Stan and his desk and carries him over to the blackboard] Come on, you. You're gonna have to sit in the dunce chair! [sets him down and places a dunce cap that reads, "I have faith" on his head]

And if I'm a monkey, then I might as well act like a monkey, huh? [starts acting like a monkey, then pulls down her pants and starts pooping into her hand]

What on Earth are you doing?

Don't ask me, I'm a fucking monkey! [throws feces at Dawkins's face]