R1Redneck #1
They took our jobs!
R2Redneck #2
Took-'er jerrrbs!
R3Redneck #3
Der'ka der!
S8 E7Goobacks
Hel-lo, ma'am. We're going around town and offering snow-shoveling service. Would you like your driveway and sidewalk shoveled for eight thousand dollars?
WWoman
Oh well, I certainly could use some little snow-shovelers, but eight thousand dollars seems a little steep. How about ten dollars?
Ooh, ouch, ma'am, please, let go of that tight grip you have on my balls! Ten dollars, you're breaking my balls, ma'am!
WWoman
How much are oranges?
Tree-fiddy. [$3.50]
WWeathers
[reading from a letter] Dear Intolerant Rednecks, we sympathize with you losing your jobs, but we believe your solution of shooting everyone who crosses the border is inhuman.
Glack dadk?
Can you speak in present-day English, please?
Oh. Oh... [with difficulty] Can I help you?
[frustrated by this point] I'm trying to order a double cheeseburger!
[with difficulty] Chic-ken san'wich? [points to the chicken sandwich sign]
NO, NOT A CHICKEN SANDWICH! [Randy and Sharon enter the restaurant as he starts losing his temper] I WANT A GODDAMN CHEESEBURGER AND SOME GODDAMN FRIES, YOU FUCKING GOOBACKS!!!
[sharped] STAN MARSH!
[realizing he's busted] Aw--awwww!
BOBill O'Reilly
On my right is pissed-off white-trash redneck conservative and on my left is aging hippie liberal douche.
Oh my God. THEY TOOK MY JOB!
Dey took yer jahb!
S8 E9Something Wall-Mart This Way Comes
[Stan walks into his house to discover his dad lying on the floor, looking ill.]
Jesus Christ…Dad?!
Stan?
Dad, oh my God!
Stan.
What, Dad, are you dying?
No, I'm just really really tired. I was shopping at Wall-Mart all night.
Whoa, pixie sticks, 29 cents! [slips into a trance] Wall-Mart? Are you speaking to me? ...My friends...trying to hurt you again? Yes Wall-Mart, I understand.
Three tickets to Bentonville, Arkansas, please.
Hey, guys, wait up. I want to go with you and help out.
No way. You want to come with us so you can betray us at some point and keep us from destroying Wall-Mart.
(Silence for a considerable time)
Nu-uh.
Look. You want to come with us so that later I can go "Ha ha, I was working for Wall-Mart all along" or something.
I am not, Kyle!
Dude, just let him come, the bus is about to leave.
[Kenny and Stan walk off]
Okay okay..
[Kyle walks off; Cartman takes out a knife]
Ha ha, you fools have no idea that I will never let you hurt the Wall-Mart.
[Kyle runs back]
Hey!
What?
You said that we have no idea that you are never going to let us hurt the Wall-Mart.
That's not what I said!
[Stan comes back]
Dude, come on.
He's working for the Wall-Mart to stop us from succeeding!
Dude, we have to go.
Alright. Cartman, let's blow this popsicle stand!
[off screen] Hurry up!
He he, you stupid fools have no idea that I'm actually working for the Wall-Mart to stop you from succeeding!
[The boys finally reach Arkansas in a bus]
Goddamn, that took a long time.
Well, It would have been faster if Cartman didn't slashed the tires.
[As Stan, Kyle, and Kenny prepare to infiltrate and destroy Wall-Mart, they are confronted by Cartman wielding a dagger:]
Wall-Mart's a great store! I cannot let you fools ruin its terrific bargains. You see, I was working for Wall-Mart all along!
I knew you were.
No, you didn't.
(frustrated) Yes, I did. I said from the beginning that you would do this!
No, you didn't.
Yes, I did!
No, you didn't!
Yes, I did!
No, you didn't!
[Kyle and Cartman argue back and forth like this until they're shouting at the same time.]
(after a brief silence) You see, Kyle, it was me who slashed the bus tires-
(speaking over him) -slashed the bus tires in Arkansas. I said so! I told you the minute-
(places hands over ears) LALALALALA! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
Hey, I told you-
I CAN'T HEAR YOU! LALALALALA!
[They both go silent]
(brandishes dagger again) I'm sorry, boys, but if you want to hurt the Wall-Mart, you'll have to go through me.
We don't have time for this! Kenny, keep him away from us.
[Stan and Kyle go around Cartman, while Kenny steps up and faces him.]
Very well, Kenny. Let us battle!
[Kenny starts hitting Cartman]
Ow! Kenny! Kenny, knock it off!
S8 E10Pre-School
[when the boys are all in preschool]
Dude, let's play firemen!
Totally dude, let's play fireman!
Jews can't be firemen!
Shut up, fatass!
Don't call me fat you stupid Jew!
He's gonna kill us. We gotta tell our parents!
We can't go tell our parents, dude! We lied to everybody! Nobody knows we're responsible for Ms. Claridge's accident!
Shh! Here comes Ms. Claridge now.
[Ms. Claridge appears in a trauma chair with a yellow light in the middle]
BBoys
Hello, Ms. Claridge.
[Ms. Claridge stops in front of the boys and turns to them]
Are you having a nice day, Ms. Claridge?
[The yellow light on Ms. Claridge's trauma chair beeps once, meaning yes]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's South Park pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.