Stan, are you okay?
Yeah, Dad, we're just rehearsing our band.
Oh. I thought a group of Vietnamese people were getting their intestines pulled out through their mouths. [closes door, Eric laughs sarcastically]
“Christian Rock Hard” · Season 7, Episode 9
In this episode: Eric Cartman (7), Stan Marsh (3), Kyle Broflovski (2), Butters Stotch (2), Token (2), Randy Marsh (1), Gerald Broflovski (1), Sheila (1)
Token, how many times do we have to go through this? You're black, you can play bass.
I'm getting sick of your stereotypes.
Be as sick as you want, just gimme a god damn bass line.
[playing a flawless funky bass melody] God damn it.
The answer is no, Kyle.
Oh, come on, dad, stop being such a Jew!
Kyle! Don't belittle your own people.
Oh, we're not really Christian! We're just pretending we are!
Butters, remind me later to cut your balls off.
Man must learn to think of these horrible outcomes before he acts selfishly or else--I fear--recording artists will be forever doomed to a life of only semi-luxury.
[singing]
Don't ever leave me, Jesus. I couldn't stand to see you go
My heart would simply snap, my Lord, if you walked on out that door
I promise I'll be good to you, and keep you warm at night
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, why don't we just shut off the lights?
[singing]
I want to get down on my knees and start pleasing Jesus
I want to feel his salvation all over my face
TRTV Reporter
When asked if MOOP's strike will stop them from illegally downloading music, 1% said "yes". 2% said "no". And, 97% said "Who the heck is MOOP?" Back to you, Tom.
We're not letting you back in our band, Cartman, fuck off!
I don't want to be in your crappy band, guys.
You don't know anything about Christianity, Eric.
I know enough to exploit it.
JHJames Hetfield (of Metallica)
We're going to protest until music downloading stops.
Goddammit! [throws his plaque onto the ground, shattering it; the myrrh album falls away]
[Faith + 1's fans are stunned and they gasp]
MCMichael Collins
Oh, please don't take the Lord's name in vain.
Who cares?! I can never win my bet because you stupid assholes don't give out platinum albums!
MCMichael Collins
But you spread the Word of the Lord. You've brought faith in Jesus.
Oh, Fuck Jesus! [Faith + 1's fans gasp; a woman screams in disbelief]
Eric, I'm pretty sure you shouldn't say the "F" word about Jesus.
Yeah, you're gonna hurt the band.
Who fucking cares, Token?! I can never beat Kyle now! I'll say it again: FUCK JESUS! [people start to scream and run away]
MMan
My ears are bleeding!
Good job, dickhead, you've lost the entire audience!
Oh, fuck you, Token, you black asshole!
[Token angrily beats up Cartman and walks away while Stan, Kyle, and Kenny see Cartman coughing in pain]
Hmm, guess he got what he deserved. [he, Kyle, & Kenny walk away]
[pauses for a moment, then farts in Cartman's face and gives him the finger] Fuck you, Eric. [walks away, leaving Cartman all alone on his knees, face down while he tries to recover from his pain and humiliation. End of episode]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's South Park pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.