Kyle Broflovski quotes from South Park

Cartman

That's it, screw you guys, I'm going home.

Kyle

Well?

Cartman

I'm gonna, just give me a minute.

Kyle

Cartman, you remember how we all spent the night at Kenny's a couple of days ago?

Cartman

I remember frozen waffles with no side dishes.

Stan

Cartman, our parents sent us over to catch chickenpox from Kenny.

Kyle

Yeah, dude, your mom wanted you to have herpes on your face.

Cartman

She what?!

Stan

It's some kind of parental conspiracy. Our parents are trying to kill us or something.

Cartman

That bitch! I'm going to go downstairs and kick her square in the nuts!

Kyle

No, no, no. Come on fat-boy, we're going to get them all back.

Kyle

[voiceover] "My Final Solution" by Kyle Broflovski. My dad is the smartest guy in the whole wide world. He has taught me that all poor people are actually things called clods. I wanna live in a world of only gods so my idea to make America better is put all the poor people into camps.

WHAT!?

Kyle

[voiceover] If we get rid of them, there will be nothing but rich people, and there won't be any hunger, poverty or homeless people, 'cause they'll all be dead. The End.

Oh God, what have I done?

Stan

You suck now, Cartman. And to be honest, If you want to play America vs. Bosnia, why don't you just play with Kenny.

Kyle

Yeah. I'll bet he would like it.

Cartman

That's fine! I like playing America vs. Bosnia with Kenny! I'll play with him every single day!

Cartman

What?

Kiss Bebe on the lips.

Kyle

What? I'm not kissing a girl!

Stan

Don't be a chicken dude, just close your eyes.

Kyle

Sick! Fucking sickening! [Kyle runs out of the tree house, Bebe stares]

Bebe

Wow, look at that ass! Shake it, baby!!

Cartman

What the hell makes you think "Cartman rides a bull?"

Kyle

[throttling Cartman by his neck, through gritted-in-fury teeth] Because you spent all of our money on those stupid rides, fatass! Now, either you're getting on a bull or I'm gonna BREAK YOUR FUCKING HEAD OPEN!!!!

Cartman

O-kay, I'll get on a bull.

Kyle

All right! Now, come on! We have to practice!

Stan

[To Cartman.] He really wants those dolls.

Cartman

I guess, damn!

That ride wasn't very good.

Now, Mary, you promised me we'd try to have a good time.

You're right. I'm sorry, honey, I'll try and have a good time.

Boys, I'm afraid your fat little friend has suffered head trauma.

Well, apparently, he thinks he's a Vietnamese prostitute named Ming Li.

Kyle

..Oh.

Stan

But can he still ride a bull?

What?

Kyle

We need him to win a bull-riding contest so we can get Terrance and Phillip dolls. Can he still do it?

No, boys! You need to take him home and let him get plenty of sleep.

Kyle

Damn it!

Kyle

What the-?

Stan

Dude, these dolls are cheap rip-offs!

Kyle

After all that?! Shenanigans! Shenanigans! SHENANIGAAAANS!

Kyle

Wow! Elton John's house is bigger than Cartman's ass!

Cartman

No it isn't, you guys.

Kyle

Dude, why is your store called the Indian Burial Ground Pet Store?

Well, there was an Indian burial ground here before I bought it.

Stan

So you just built your store on top of an Indian burial ground?

Hell no! I dug up all the bodies, pissed on them, and then buried them again upside-down.

Kyle

Why?

Why? I don't know why, I was drunk!

Kyle

Did you get the pumpkin, Kenny?

Kenny

Uh-huh. [puts a squash on the table]

Cartman

What the heck is that?

Kenny

It's all I could afford!

Cartman

[singing] You guys are hella-stupid, you guys are hella-lame, you guys are hella-dumb, hella, hella, hella!

Kyle

Damn it!

Cartman

[coming down the stairs with his friends and Elvin] My family sucks ass!

Kyle

Yeah, they do!

Stan

All families suck ass!

I drove all the way from Montana to see Mr. Hankey.

Kyle

That's nice, kid. I knew Mr. Hankey before he was even famous.

Cartman

How the hell did Mr. Hankey get so popular? Look at all this Mr. Hankey stuff. [a display is seen of Mr. Hankey caps, T-shirts, cups, figurines, and posters]

Mr. Hankey kicks ass!

Cartman

And another thing: it says that Mr. Hankey is also appearing at the Crossroads Mall!

Kyle

So?

Cartman

So, how can Mr. Hankey be here, and in another mall at the same time?

Kyle

Dude, Mr. Hankey has magic powers. He can do whatever he wants. [Charlie Manson and Kenny stare at each other. The line moves up]

[to Kenny] How would you like to come with me to a more secluded part of the mall?

Kenny

(Okay) [they walk off]

Stan

I really like that guy.

Cartman

Oh, it looks like you finished your Fudgecicle, Elvin.

Cartman

Ah damnit, be quiet, Elvin!

Cartman

Shut up, Elvin!

Cartman

No, Elvin, BAD Elvin! [seeing that Elvin is not responding, he looks around]

Stan

[rushed and monotone] Oh my God, they killed Kenny.

Kyle

[same tone] You bastards. [to the Underpants Gnome] Listen, we have to give a huge speech tomorrow about corporate takeovers!

Holy shit, we killed your friend!

Stan

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, we got to know about corporate takeovers tomorrow or we're screwed!

Christ, we squished him like a bug!