Kelly Bundy quotes from Married... with Children

Kelly

Oh, Daddy you're so good. I'm sure in your next life you're gonna be re-incarcerated.

Kelly

[answering machine message] Hi, you've reached Kelly. Please leave a message at the tone. If you're a girl calling for Bud: Hi, Mom.

Kelly

Let go of my hair, you little psychopath!

Bud

Die, commie bimbo!

Peggy

Now, Bud! I thought we talked about this before.

Bud

What's that, Mom?

Peggy

You know, sneaking up behind your sister, pulling her hair, pretending to kill her. You remember the effect it had on Grandma? Nobody likes it; nobody thinks it's funny, so cut it out, okay?

Bud

Sure, Mom.

Peggy

Now, go to school.

Kelly

[to Bud as they walk out] I *hate* you!

Bud

Good!

Peg

I thought you liked the Cubs.

Kelly

I do. I just hate watchin' them from the roof on that apartment building where Dad always gets the seats.

Peg

Well, honey, maybe some day they'll forget about that fan interference call that kept the Cubs out of the World Series and let Daddy back into the stadium.

Kelly

I hope so. It looks so stupid with just us and the Pulaskis doin' the wave.

Peggy

Al, Honey, you promised this year we could take a real vacation. Y'know, someplace where we don't look out our windows and see chain gangs working.

Al

C'mon, Peg. We still sing those songs we learned down there. But this year I found something really special. Look at this brochure, Peg. This place has everything Hawaii has. It's got sunshine, a palm tree, uh, quicksand... But the best part is it's in the United States.

Kelly

So are the sewers of Manhattan, Dad. Or am I spoiling next year's vacation?

Al

I'll bet this whole thing comes to [looks at bill] 253!!! Family meeting!

Al

The whole family!

Kelly

I'm on the phone.

Al

[picks up phone] I said family meeting.

Al

[examining the bill] Let’s see what else we have here. Sports hotline, sports hotline, sports hotline, those are ok. Wait a second, wait. Vancouver $80. Kelly?

Kelly

Oh, sure, all eyes turn to me. Well, let me ask you this. If I did know somebody in Vancouver, don’t you think I’d be living with them and not here?

Al

True enough. Bud?

Bud

America First, Dad.

Al

[starts to get up] How 'bout it, Peg? Your mother gotten so fat she's spread across the border?

Peggy

Al, I did not call Vancouver. And Mom is down to nearly 200.

Al

What is the big rush about getting a license? I mean, do you think that driving a car is glamorous?

Kelly

Well, it's not as glamorous as hitching with pervos, but I still want to drive.

Al

Well, what about the bus?

Marcy

Santa's gone. I'll never be able to enjoy Christmas again.

Kelly

Well, you're in the right place.

Peg

Oh, buck up. These things happen.

Bud

What's wrong, Kel? Are the contractions coming five minutes apart?

Kelly

What's wrong, Bud? Puberty five years away?

Bud

Did you hear any noises last night, Mom?

Peg

Well, your father had gas.

Bud

No, these were noises I've never heard before.

Kelly

Well, it could have been a girl moaning your name.

Peggy

Kids, I am sorry to make such a big fuss over such a little thing like a mouse. But, you know, there are just some things from childhood you just can't forget.

Kelly

I hope that isn't true, Mom.

Peggy

How about a hug?

Bud

Can't, Mom. You got cooties.

Bud

This is going to be my special day. Any girls call me?

Kelly

Yep, they call you "geek," "dork," "hairy palms."

Bud

Hey, Dad. Report Card day!

Bud

I got four A's and a B. But enough about me. [he turns to Kelly] Batter up.

Kelly

I err...I lost it.

Bud

Well... [Takes report card out of pocket] This is your lucky day [he holds up the card] 'cause I found it. Must have fallen out of your purse and accidentally gotten taped under your bed.

Bud

How'd she do?

Al

Uh, erm... F, F, F, D. What happened, Kel, you attend one?

Peg

Just the boys.

Please don't take my sunshine away.

Peg

Just the girls.

You'll never know, dear...