Marcy Rhoades-D'Arcy quotes from Married... with Children

Marcy

Oh, bunk. You live in this hovel, you bore him those two awful children, and he can't even tell you he loves you? I've heard him say "I love the Cubs", "I'd love a beer." "I'd love it if you'd leave, Marcy." Face it Peggy. This man is no stranger to the word "love".

Marcy

If I retain any more water, they could build a pier across my butt.

Marcy

Oh, I had the most horrible dream. I dreamt I was Dorothy on The Wizard of Oz. Peggy, you were The Good Witch. Al, you were looking for a brain. And Steve...(suggestively): you were Don Johnson naked. Then a train went through a tunnel...and our house was gone! (sighs): I'm feeling much better now. (to Peggy): Did you remember to let the plumber in?

Marcy

Well, Peggy gave me this tacky peignoir. (to Steve): Did Al give you something to sleep in?

Marcy

Peggy, I really don't think Al is cheating on you. I took an impromptu poll of all the women I know, and as far as his desirability... Al ranked below ALF, which means they'd rather make love to a piece of cloth with a man's hand in it than with your husband.

Marcy

Well, now I know everything will be okay. Because the man who sifts through my garbage for food is going to break the bank in Las Vegas.

Marcy

Jefferson, just remember that you are a white-collar criminal. (referring to Al): This man, at best, is a ring-around-the-collar criminal. (to Jefferson): Now honey, you don't want to be in league with someone whose greatest accomplishment has been putting shoes on his knees and sneaking into the movies as a child.

Marcy

The last time I saw this many people in a bank, I closed my windows and went to lunch.

Marcy

You know, Al. You can skip the long lines on payday, because the hot dog vendor outside always has change for a dollar.

Marcy

OH JEFFERSON! OH STEVE! OH JAMAL!

Marcy

Al Bundy! Take off your mask...and let the world see your snout!

Marcy

The women are wearing my favorite scent: Dust.

Marcy

Allow me to quote from your official student handbook "Abstinence Saves Lives." And what guarantees abstinence better than self-love? Constant, never-ending self-love? I ask you to look at this young man. Would you rather he do what he did or be out there breeding?

Marcy

Jefferson, can I have a word with you in our own kitchen by the recently sharpened knives?

Marcy

Hi, we're your new neighbors. You have a lovely home.

Al

Yeah, so do you. Come in.

Steve

Do you have any kids?

Al

Two.

Marcy

Where are they?

Al

I don't know.