[dressed as Santa] Your mom's the one who makes the pies for everyone in the neighborhood except those nice Bundys. Okay, Santa will leave you a pony under your tree. But if it isn't there in the morning, that means your mommy chased it away and killed it.
“You Better Watch Out” · Season 2, Episode 13
In this episode: Al Bundy (4), Peg (1), Kelly Bundy (1), Marcy Rhoades-D'Arcy (1)
KKid
I wanna sit on your lap.
[dressed as Santa] All right, but make it quick. Santa has hemorrhoids.
Santa's gone. I'll never be able to enjoy Christmas again.
Well, you're in the right place.
Oh, buck up. These things happen.
Marcy (shocked over Peg's cavalier attitude): When has this happened?!
Peg (stands up and walks over to Marcy): Come on, Marcy. Cheer up. It could have been worse. He could have landed on the picket fence.
No, no, Nestor. Despite what your mom says, Mr. Bundy doesn't sprout a tail at midnight. But here's a special gift for you: Tell your dad to come home around the time when Mr. Mailman has a special delivery for Mommy. That'll be a real Yuletide treat for Dad.
NNestor
What do I get?
A new home, and a fresh new Mommy.
Thanks for the help, kids! Oh, by the way, listen, if you're thinking about what to get old dad for Christmas, don't worry about it. You've already given it to him - It's called a hernia.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Married... with Children pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.