Al Bundy quotes from Married... with Children

Al

Oh honey, that again. Come here a second, will ya? Let me tell you something. Now just 'cause I don't go to bed with you doesn't mean I don't love ya. I mean, let's face it, even if you were beautiful -- like that girl on TV -- I'd still ignore ya. 'Cause you're my wife!

Al

Okay everyone, gather around. I want you to watch me pay these bills.

Al

Steve, let's go for a ride in the Mustang. Just sit and look coolly out the window and we'll pretend these [gesturing at their wives] are our mothers.

Al

[Reading the title of a book he was given] "My Partner. My Wife. My Life." My God.

Al

Now remember, kids, this is your mother's first day at work. She's probably a little nervous, a little insecure. So when she comes down those stairs I want everyone to stand behind her like a family -- and try not to laugh.

Al

Mmm, I'm full. Peg, as usual, every day's Thanksgiving.

Al

Kelly, when I was a kid, there were lots of parties I wasn't invited to. I showed up anyway. I stood there with a big smile on my face and said, "I'm here." and headed right for the food. Sure, they didn't want me there, but I had a great time. And if they didn't, so what? The point is if you want to be there, be there. Even if they hate you. You're a Bundy. Start acting like one.

Al

Never wanted to get married - I'm married, never wanted to have kids - I got two of 'em. How the hell did this happen?

Al

Hello Spike? Al. Listen, Is 'No Jaw' McKenzie there? Yeah the one with no jaw. Is she there!? Great, er, listen she's got number 110, tell her I'll trade my number 50 for it, OK?

Al

Come on Peg, the fries aren't getting any younger. And neither are you.

Al

Oh, only my loving family. Now I'm wondering why I'm running FROM the axe.

Al

You can't let it alone, can you, Peg? This is nice. "Why can't we go to Hawaii? Why did we have to come here? Why do we have to take this car?" You know, standing here with my loving family, I have a question: why am I running from the axe?

Al

Okay. Family meeting.

Al

Alright, now, let's discuss what we know already. We're trapped by a killer. The phones are dead. And the sheriff couldn't catch an M & M in his mouth.

Al

Some fat woman came into the store and yelled at me. And she went out and fell right on her ass.

Al

She was probably just lending him a dress.

Al

Yeah.