Let me tell you something. No woman tells Al Bundy what to do.
WWoman
Hey you. Get my shoes.
Yes, Ma'am.
“Pilot” · Season 1, Episode 1
In this episode: Al Bundy (6), Marcy Rhoades-D'Arcy (2), Peggy Bundy (2), Peg (1), Kelly Bundy (1), Bud Bundy (1), Steve Rhoades (1)
I'm gonna hate these people.
You will not hate them. They are very nice.
If they were nice, they'd be dead and I'd be at the game.
FWFat Woman
I don't care what your little ruler says, I've been a seven since I graduated from high school.
[picks up a size 7 shoe) These are sevens. The box says 9 because... well look lady, youre a nine. I can accept that, why can't you.
FWFat Woman
You're very FRESH?!
No ma'am, that's impossible. Because for the last hour I've been trying to squeeze your foot into a shoe, when I should've beeen easing them in the box. So what I'm saying is I'm anything but fresh. By the way, you might want to tell John Henry to give the $100 pumps a rest.
FWFat Woman
Your ad says "courteous service".
That's not my ad, ma'am. That's the former owner's. He was killed tragically on this very spot when a size 9 exploded in his face.
FWFat Woman
Come on, Arnold. We're leaving.
AArnold
I want a balloon.
You already got one.
[First lines]
[Bud sneaks up behind Kelly and grabs her hair and holds a plastic knife to her neck]
Let go of my hair, you little psychopath!
Die, commie bimbo!
Now, Bud! I thought we talked about this before.
What's that, Mom?
You know, sneaking up behind your sister, pulling her hair, pretending to kill her. You remember the effect it had on Grandma? Nobody likes it; nobody thinks it's funny, so cut it out, okay?
Sure, Mom.
[a horn honks from outside]
Now, go to school.
[to Bud as they walk out] I *hate* you!
Good!
Hi, we're your new neighbors. You have a lovely home.
Yeah, so do you. Come in.
Do you have any kids?
Two.
Where are they?
I don't know.
Hey, let's go out Saturday night. You know, to eat, just me and you.
Well, sure, if you want to.
We haven't been to The Captain's Table in a long time.
Oooo, we always like it there. They have such a nice menu.
Yeah. [long pause] You wanna go upstairs?
Thought you wanted to watch the game.
Naah! Who cares! [as they head up the stairs] You know, I like the coffee there too.
Mmm.
[Last lines]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Married... with Children pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.