Kelly Bundy quotes from Married... with Children ... TV Quotes Database

Kelly

All right, who put this ad in the paper? "Cheap blonde, 16, looks 30, seeks job out of state. No reading or writing, please"?!

S1 E12 Where's the Boss

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Bud (to Kelly): Did you hear any noises last night? For a moment, I thought they were coming from your room, but they weren't the usual noises. You know, the whispers...(whispering): "Quiet. You'll wake up my parents." Then the sounds of eight feet heading for the window, followed by the sounds of loose change hitting the pillow.

Kelly

You know, Bud. With your good looks, you could be a model. I can see it now: your face on a poster that reads, "My Daddy Didn't Use A Condom."

S2 E15 Build a Better Mousetrap

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Kelly

Mom, Bud found a corn flake between the refrigerator and the sink and he won't share.

S2 E19 Im-Po-Dent

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Kelly

Mom, when I grow up I want to be just like you. I want to do nothing, I want to be nothing.

S3 E12 My Mom, the Mom

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Kelly

[while practicing tap dancing] Nerd-geek-dweeb, duh-weeb-nerd-dork!

S3 E13 Can't Dance, Don't Ask Me (aka Kelly's Dance)

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Kelly

[while practicing tap dancing] Hop-shuffle-death, hop-shuffle-fail, hop-shuffle-bus station.

S3 E13 Can't Dance, Don't Ask Me (aka Kelly's Dance)

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Kelly

My birthday is in February. I'm an Aquarium.

S4 E19 Peggy Turns 300

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Kelly

[on phone] Hello, Reverend Feltcher. Has Hell frozen over? Well something's up. My brother Bud has a date! Yes, Bud! Okay, yes, church is the place to be at times like this. Okay, I'll be right down. It's the building with the big T on the roof, right? [Puts down phone and runs out the front door]

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S6 E21 Teacher Pets

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Kelly

Why doesn't the world explode into a fiery pus-filled death?

S6 E22 The Goodbye Girl

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Kelly

A fat woman comes to the gate today. Her muumuu covering what must have been three or four heinies. Now she could exit through an itty-bitty turnstile or a huge gate. Guess which one she chooses. A line was forming. So I went and got a tub of butter from the Delta Burke "Let's Get Big" exhibit and oiled her up. Then I went over to Star Trek Land, hotwired the Enterprise and sent it up where no man has gone before. She goes flying like a vegetable out of Dad's mouth, right into "The Facts of Life" fan club pavilion. Thank God it's always empty. Can somebody give me a reason to live?

S6 E22 The Goodbye Girl

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Kelly

This is the lowest thing I've ever done. Okay, the lowest thing I've ever been paid to do. Okay, the lowest thing I've been paid to do that I didn't enjoy.

S8 E10 Dances With Weezy

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Kelly

If God wanted people to shoot a bow, He wouldn't have invented assault weapons.

S9 E15 Kelly Takes A Shot

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Kelly

Daddy might have been able to look me in the eye and break when the police brought me home at 2:00 in the morning, but I am not 11 any more.

S9 E16 Get The Dodge Outta Hell

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Kelly

Oh look, it's a bird, it's a plane, ... it's Mr Potato Head?