"That makes a whole lot of sense... A whole lot of nonsense!"
S5 E1The Perils of Polling
S5 E2The Buck Stops Here
Miz Liz! Two hot toddies!
S5 E3I Don't Want To Wait For Our Lives To Be Over, I Want To Know Right Now, Will It Be... Sorry. Do Do Doo Do Do, Do Do Doo Do Do, Do Do Doo Do Do, Doo...
KKahn
[Answering a knock at the door] Use doorbell, you idiot. [Kahn opens the door and sees Joseph standing there] Connie, it's for you!
If it's Bobby, slam the door in his face!
KKahn
Oh, I wish it was, so I could!
[about Connie] Connie, I rehearsed an apology but I'm gonna throw it away because nothing says "I'm sorry" like "I'm sorry." Connie, I rehearsed an apology but... [drops the piece of cake and sees her kissing Joseph out the window]
MMinh
Boy, that little hillbilly pack quite a wallop. You want some neproxin?
No, I'm okay.
MMinh
How did tall, dark, and handsome get butt-kicked by short, fat, and redneck?
[sighs and stares at Minh’s cleavage and kisses her]
Joseph? [Minh is laughing] What's going on?
MMinh
Oh, you so cute. Kahn gonna get a big kick out of this.
Joseph? How could you? [throws a towel at him and runs away]
Sorry, I just... I thought you liked me.
MMinh
Oh yeah. You rock my world [laughs]
S5 E4Spin the Choice
[sees Bobby cutting the turkey] Oh my God, it's so juicy!
S5 E6When Cotton Comes Marching Home
Sorry I'm late; I had to take three buses to get here: one to get here, one to go back and get G.H., and one to get here.
S5 E7What Makes Bobby Run?
CCoach
We are the Landry men! Fight, fight, fight!
S5 E8T'was the Nut Before Christmas
[Hank and Peggy are looking at all the children at the Santa's Village at Bill's house.]
Rented snow machines, all these lights-- it's like a carnival. I wonder how Jesus feels about this.
It's Christmas and Bill's happy. I'll tell you how Jesus feels-- great.
[The Hills are trying to drive through the congested traffic on their street, when Dale knocks on Hank's window.]
Valet parking is five dollars. Valet of the Dale's is not responsible for lost or stolen articles.
Dale, I'm just going to park in my driveway.
That lot's full, but Bill says I can put overflow parking poolside at Luanne's house. [yells to Octavio, off-screen]
[Wally is looking into Luanne's yard over Bill's fence.]
WWally
Nice pool. What say we jump in and see what floats?
Just keep your beer cans off of my lawn. And quit trying to read my t-shirt.
[Hank approaches Wally.]
WWally
You lose something over here?
I am making a citizen's arrest for trespassing.
WWally
I don't think so.
Believe me, I've done it before.
[Wally holds up Bill's house key.]
Well, how did you get Bill's key chain? Okay, you're under arrest for theft, too.
WWally
He gave it to me. Now, get off our property, or I'll citizen arrest you.
Damn it, when Bill comes home...
WWally
[mockingly] "Weh Beh guh hum..."
What the hell are you doing?
WWally
"Whu de huh ur da doon?"
[Hank storms off as Wally's friends laugh.]
[Bobby, Connie, and Joseph walk up to Wally.]
WWally
I believe you guys are first-time callers, so I'm only going to charge you a buck.
For what?
WWally
Beer.
We'd better go.
Why? Because beer's not TV-14? Set me up, my man.
[Wally hands Bobby a 40 ounce bottle of Alamo beer. Bobby is hesitant to take it.]:
WWally
What's the matter? 40 ounces for a buck is a good deal.
Oh, yeah. I just usually drink 30 ouncers, but hey, it's the weekend.
[Moments later, The kids are in the bounce house, groaning drunkenly.]
[huddling up against Connie] Come here. Jus' think, Connie girl, when we're grown-ups and marrieds, we'll get to do this every night.
Yeah, I want a house just like this-- with soft floors and plastic windows.
[staring at the ceiling] Look at the stars. There's... so many of them.
Yeah.
Cool.
WWally
You know the best way to sober up? Bounce around a lot-- get it out of your system.
[The kids try to stand up, but are too drunk to do so. They start laughing as Hank finds them.]
Bobby?
Hey, Dad! I like beer! [immediately turns around and vomits.]
You, you, and you go home now! [Grabs Wally] You get the hell out of here! [Wally blows a puff of smoke at his face, and Hank drops Him to the ground.] That does it! [Storms up to Bill's house] I've had about enough of this Christmas crap! Bill! [to Bill] Dang it, Bill! Some of us are trying to raise kids in this neighborhood. Good kids. The kind that don't try to kill their parents in their sleep. Kids like Bobby.
Wally would never kill me. He told me so! That kind of communication is very important in a father-son style relationship.
What? Is that my belt Sander?
No. It's mine. Wally bought it and gave it to me as a present.
Yeah? Then why does it have the same serial number as my warranty card?
I Did Ten Sit Ups And I Try To Do A Push Up Can I Go Back To Sleep Now
You Had A Chance To Sleep Last Night Mister But You Decided To Go Parting Instead Now Get A Rag And Start Washing Windows
Wally Was Not Your Family My God I've Thrown Out Propane Tanks It Would Make You Better Son Than Wally
S5 E9Chasing Bobby
[during "The Flowers of Time"] Hank, are you crying?
No, just watching the movie.
Hank, you're scaring me. What the hell is going on?
I'm okay. Please continue to look at the screen!
Hank Hill is weeping like a little French girl!
Stop making train noises. It's not funny.
Dad, it's not me. I think there's a... [a railroad signal beeps, Hank shrieks]
Bobby! Get away from the tracks, now!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's King of the Hill pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.