Connie quotes from King of the Hill

I wanna go to a party school! Yeah, Chico State!

Well, um, you see, uhh...

Hank

What?

Hank

(Reading the note) 'Mr. Hill, I just got my first period.' Bwaaaaah!

(yelling in Laotian)

Bobby

I know a couple of those words. I better go. (kisses Connie goodbye)

Bye.

I see you! KAHN SEE EVERYTHING!

You know, you're not too big to be spanked, you dirty little hillbilly!

Luanne Platter

Aunt Peggy, Mister Kahn saw me naked!

Joseph

(driving by on his bike) Oh man!

[Answering a knock at the door] Use doorbell, you idiot. [Kahn opens the door and sees Joseph standing there] Connie, it's for you!

If it's Bobby, slam the door in his face!

Oh, I wish it was, so I could!

Boy, that little hillbilly pack quite a wallop. You want some neproxin?

Joseph

No, I'm okay.

How did tall, dark, and handsome get butt-kicked by short, fat, and redneck?

Joseph

[sighs and stares at Minh’s cleavage and kisses her]

Joseph? [Minh is laughing] What's going on?

Oh, you so cute. Kahn gonna get a big kick out of this.

Joseph? How could you? [throws a towel at him and runs away]

Joseph

Sorry, I just... I thought you liked me.

Oh yeah. You rock my world [laughs]

I believe you guys are first-time callers, so I'm only going to charge you a buck.

Bobby

For what?

Beer.

We'd better go.

Bobby

Why? Because beer's not TV-14? Set me up, my man.

What's the matter? 40 ounces for a buck is a good deal.

Bobby

Oh, yeah. I just usually drink 30 ouncers, but hey, it's the weekend.

Bobby

[huddling up against Connie] Come here. Jus' think, Connie girl, when we're grown-ups and marrieds, we'll get to do this every night.

Yeah, I want a house just like this-- with soft floors and plastic windows.

Joseph

[staring at the ceiling] Look at the stars. There's... so many of them.

Bobby

Yeah.

Cool.

You know the best way to sober up? Bounce around a lot-- get it out of your system.

Hank

Bobby?

Bobby

Hey, Dad! I like beer! [immediately turns around and vomits.]

Bobby

I kicked my dad in the crotch.

You kicked your father? We all have those feelings, Bobby. But, we never act on them.

(Talking to Bobby) I heard what you did to Chane Wassonasong -- unforgivable! But then I hear what you did to your father -- very funny. So I'm conflicted.

Bobby

"I'm sweet on you, Connie! I'm your little candy man!"

Bobby

(When Connie referred to Bobby as 'just a friend) "Don't use the 'f' word on me, not me; This is your cuddle monster talking."

(To Bobby) "You shot her in the eye."

"Oh, gross! You licked it!" (runs off, Joseph puts down his drink)

Joseph

(to Bobby) "What are you doing? You're ruining my party." (takes Bobby's toy bow)

Bobby

(to Joseph) "What?! You wouldn't even be having this party if it wasn't for me. You'd just be sitting alone going, 'Dude, like, eh... I'm so bleah."

Joseph

"Come on. Get..." (tries to push Bobby out)

Bobby

"Watch it. You're pulling off the wings! Let go! I'm not leaving! I am not leaving unless Connie leaves with me." (Bobby now gets in, trying to hold his grip onto the couch.)

Joseph

(as he and the boys grab Bobby) "Come on. One, two, three. Get him. Get him." (Clark Peters lifts his fingers, carry him, and throw him over the fence, cheering. Bobby grunts)

Bobby

Uh, Willow, this is Connie. She's not my girlfriend, but actually, even if she was, it would be okay that she slept over, seeing how you practice ethical non-monagomy.

[scoffs] I heard about that when I was at SMU. It's just some BS college girls say to get side-dick.

Excuse me?! ENM is a relationship structure that allows people to have a connection without hurdles like jealousy or expectations.

Yeah, and side-dick.

Thanks for making this whole thing slightly bearable.

Bobby

Slightly bearable's what I'm here for. Anything I can do to bump that up to mildly tolerable?

That's the bartender's job.

I'm sorry, Mrs. Hill.

For how my parents were treating you guys, and Bobby. He did a great job tonight, and didn't get any credit.

Peggy

Thank you. I am sorry for what you and your family are going through.

It's weird. I knew my parents were divorced, but it's like, real now.

Peggy

I have always competed with your parents. Out- competed. But one thing we all did right was raise wonderful children. We tied in that. And if you decide one day that marriage is for you, Connie, you will be a great wife to a very lucky man. You are not destined to end up like your parents.

I remember as a kid always feeling better after talking to you. Thank you.

Peggy

Would you say that I was a better mom than Minh?

Leave me out of that, Mrs. Hill.

Bobby

[joining Connie on the golf course] I'm sorry for my part in all of that.

Trust me, you're the last person I blame.

Bobby

You know, it didn't seem like you had a chance to eat all night, so I-

I just broke up with Chane.

Bobby

[excitedly] You did?! [calming down] I- I'm sorry. Would mango sticky rice make you feel any better?

I know good food can solve any problem, but right now, I could really just use a hug.

Bobby

Well, I brought that too. [they hug]

Bobby

Connie, I think I know why our dates have been terrible. We've been trying to have something we had when we were kids, and maybe we don't have it now, and-

[heavily sedated on painkillers; begins to cry] Nooooo!

Bobby

What's wrong?

Wait, are you breaking up with me while I'm in the hospital, DYING???

Bobby

No! No no, that's not what I meant. I was saying the adult versions of ourselves might not have the same connection. What if you only like the husky 12-year-old version of me that played wooden spoons on his belly?

[laughing] I loved that Bobby! But I really love this- you- Bobby now. I don't even know what I wanna do, but you, you're the bravest person I know, because you knew exactly what you wanted to do, and you are doing it!

Bobby

So, do you like the me Bobby now as a- [Connie kisses Bobby] That was amazing.

Get that cute butt in my bed! I wanna do weird stuff with you. Weird stuff to you. Ah, I feel so good. NURSE! ANOTHER ROUND OF THIS!

Bobby

How about we just talk?

Is that pudding?

Bobby

You know it!

Dad's stuff is all gone from the garage. Did he move back in?

[from across the street] No, I did not. I left, with my dignity intact!

I kicked you out! You were crying so loud, I could hear it through the garage!

[begins to approach] I was reading a sad book, called "our wedding album."

Hey, we agreed! You stay on that side of the street!

I don't understand. Dad, where do you live now?

Bill

With me! [Kahn sighs] Yeah, we're just two single guys having a grand old time! No wives, just vibes! All are welcome... except wives.

Bobby Hill, put a shirt on, and step away from my precious daughter!

Bobby

Okay, but let's all remember who's the real bad guy here. The dog.

Hank

The dog wasn't the one engaging in amorous congress under my roof.

Peggy

It can't, because it has an inverted penis.

What's all the fuss?

Hank

Oh good. More people.

I caught your daughter participating in fatherless behavior with Bobby Hill!

Bobby Hill, did you de-flower my daughter?!

Bobby

No sir. We didn't even get to doing anything, we were just... warming each other up.

Hank

Stop!

Peggy

That's enough!

Ew!

Shut up! Shut up!

Bobby

Okay, I can see that tendons are a little high right now, do how about we all just get some sleep and talk about this over dinner tomorrow, which I'm paying for?

Bobby, we are not having dinner with you. Come on, Connie, let's go back home.

No! All you've done since I've been home is complain about dad and insult Bobby. I don't wanna be around that.

... Hey, Connie, why don't you sleep over at my place, just for tonight?

Ha! You mean Bill's place?

We can hang out and celebrate your birthday. Things are very mellow over there. Super chill.

And Bobby can come too?

[obviously uncomfortable] Of course! Because I support your relationship.

Bill

[hugging Kahn from behind] Yaaaay! The more, the merrier! Hank and Peggy can come too, if you'd like!

Peggy

Do not threaten us, Bill.

Bobby

I'm gonna go with Connie.

Hank

That's fine. Why don't you take those sheets with you?