Luanne Leanne Platter Kleinschmidt quotes from King of the Hill

Luanne

Boy, Aunt Peg, the words I don’t know could fill a dictionary.

Luanne Platter

[locking the family in the bedroom] I'm crating ya'll in like an unruly dog. I am sick of dysfunctional families. I came from one, and I am not gonna let it happen to you. Function!! Function damn you!!!

Luanne

Halloween is a satanic holiday. It was invented by the Dru-ish.

Luanne

Am I supposed to kill this pig?

Leanne Platter

Oh, you have such a lovely home here. Of course if somebody turned on a fire hose it would all be ruined.

Luanne Platter

(reference a picture of Bobby, in his underwear, grabbing a fry off the kitchen table while standing up to speak at Buckley's funeral) This is what a starving Irish child looks like! (Furiously) Fight the occupation! Fight the Oc-cu-pa-tion!

Luanne

My class was cancelled and the library was closed. I love college.

Luanne Platter

Uncle Hank, I quit being a virgin the first time I had sex.

Luanne

She's not coming back, honey.

Luanne

Let's see, how can I explain this...? You know how you can be happy eating vanilla ice cream day after day after day? Well, Mr. Boomhauer isn't just like that. See, he likes to try different flavors.

Luanne

Mr. Boomhauer had grown-up sex with the ice cream lady, and now he's dumped her. You're never gonna have ice cream again, Bobby.

Luanne

I could have listened to you Uncle Hank; but instead I chose to succeed in DVD’s and in life.

[to Luanne] You will never know if you are attractive. It's up to a man to tell you that. You keep eating, and I'll tell you when to stop.

Luanne

Touch me again, and you'll be wearing that cornpone, old man.

Hoo-wee! Fiesty!

Peggy Hill

[to Bobby] Bobby, smoking is a nasty, filthy filthy habit and only trailer trash smoke nowadays. Now do you wanna look like trailer trash?

Luanne Platter

That's not fair! I don't smoke! [she starts crying runs away in tears]

Peggy Hill

Ah, Lu- uh. Lord, Hank you finish this. Oh, honey, you are not trash just 'cause you grew up in a trailer and your mama's in prison.

Luanne Platter

Here's to three of the bravest individuals in all of Arlen. To the Hills and their tobacco-free future!

Hank Hill

My God, are you still talking?!

Bobby Hill

Why's my potato got skin on it? I hate skin!

Peggy Hill

I will not sit here and have my work insulted! What, do you think the potatoes just fly into the bowl and mash themselves?!!

Luanne Platter

I know y'all don't mean none of those harsh words. It's just the nicotine withdrawal.

Hank Hill

Why is she still talking?!!