Hank Rutherford Hill quotes from King of the Hill

Hank Hill

[As a child] When I grow up, I want to sell propane and propane accessories, if my grades are good enough!

Hank Hill

We of the Order of the Straight Arrow call upon the spirit Wematanye, protector of the sacred ground that brings us cool water to drink and energy-efficient clean-burning propane gas for all our sacred heating and cooking needs. Wematanye says, respect the earth! She's ours, by God, our taxes pay for Her. Also, it says here you gotta love all Her creatures. Let's see...oh, here we go: Though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death, you're gonna recommend us to the spirit in the sky, with liberty and justice for all. Wematanye is with you, and with Texas. Amen.

Hank

[awaken from his dream as he hears honking] Willie, no! That's a one-way street!

Hank

[Bobby] seems bent on destroying everything I own. Why can't he turn that energy into something useful, like that boy with no legs who ran across Canada?

Hank

Oh, I'm sorry. I thought this was the bathroom...Oh, good Lord! [sees a weak nerd which doesn't look like Bobby]

Hank Hill

Your heart is telling you?! Who's the boss, you or your heart? You are! Your heart is your employee! So get your heart off its butt and back to work!

Hank Hill

(While constipated and watching his dog poo outside) Showoff.

Hank Hill

"Don't touch me. I'm on the John."

Hank Hill

You might have noticed in tonight's episode, there is some brief nudity. Now, as an actor, I only do nudity when I feel the script warrants it. And I thought tonight's episode only warranted seeing the side of my rump. You can believe me when I tell you the Fox executives were pushing for a whole lot more. If any of you were offended by my body, I'm truly sorry. Good night.

Hank Hill

What the hell kind of country is this where I can only hate a man if he's white?

Hank Hill

You know Kahn, we may deny our kids completely different deserts, but they both go to bed hungry, and that's what really matters.

Hank Hill

Uh, I got to go do some stuff. I think I might have left the blender on.

Hank Hill

[at a cold turkey support group meeting, glaring at the counselor] I got the strangest feeling someone's gonna kick his ass.

Hank Hill

(on his mower, talking to an anthill) Put your head between your six legs and kiss your butt good-bye! (runs over the anthill)

Hank Hill

Why don't we get you into one of those safety courses and if you're still interested after they've taken all the fun out of it, then we'll see about the ponchos and the... uh... tournament.

Hank Hill

Six AM and already the boy ain't right...