Joseph Gribble quotes from King of the Hill

Joseph Gribble

He's just being nice to me so my real dad won't freeze him in carbonite and trade him for spice.

Joseph

He got my bible wet!

Joseph

[upset] I can't remember what you look like!

Dale Gribble

Joseph, I understand you smoked your first cigarette today.

Joseph Gribble

Dad, I'm sorry! I'll never smoke again.

Dale Gribble

Whoa, hold on, son! I want you to keep an open mind so you can make an informed decision. If you want, you can read a bloated government report on smoking or go straight to the horse's mouth and get the facts from the tobacco industry!

Joseph

Why don't your doors have keyholes?

Bobby

You're really starting to creep me out, now go home!

Luanne

Bobby, it's perfectly natural to want to see a woman naked, but I am your cousin. Now, the first time was an accident, but if I catch you again, you are going to hell.

Bobby

Are you crazy? We're going to get caught. I could go to hell!

Joseph

I can't help myself. I've got a monkey on my back and it wants to see Luanne naked!

(yelling in Laotian)

Bobby

I know a couple of those words. I better go. (kisses Connie goodbye)

Bye.

I see you! KAHN SEE EVERYTHING!

You know, you're not too big to be spanked, you dirty little hillbilly!

Luanne Platter

Aunt Peggy, Mister Kahn saw me naked!

Joseph

(driving by on his bike) Oh man!

Boy, that little hillbilly pack quite a wallop. You want some neproxin?

Joseph

No, I'm okay.

How did tall, dark, and handsome get butt-kicked by short, fat, and redneck?

Joseph

[sighs and stares at Minh’s cleavage and kisses her]

Joseph? [Minh is laughing] What's going on?

Oh, you so cute. Kahn gonna get a big kick out of this.

Joseph? How could you? [throws a towel at him and runs away]

Joseph

Sorry, I just... I thought you liked me.

Oh yeah. You rock my world [laughs]

I believe you guys are first-time callers, so I'm only going to charge you a buck.

Bobby

For what?

Beer.

We'd better go.

Bobby

Why? Because beer's not TV-14? Set me up, my man.

What's the matter? 40 ounces for a buck is a good deal.

Bobby

Oh, yeah. I just usually drink 30 ouncers, but hey, it's the weekend.

Bobby

[huddling up against Connie] Come here. Jus' think, Connie girl, when we're grown-ups and marrieds, we'll get to do this every night.

Yeah, I want a house just like this-- with soft floors and plastic windows.

Joseph

[staring at the ceiling] Look at the stars. There's... so many of them.

Bobby

Yeah.

Cool.

You know the best way to sober up? Bounce around a lot-- get it out of your system.

Hank

Bobby?

Bobby

Hey, Dad! I like beer! [immediately turns around and vomits.]

Bobby

"I'm sweet on you, Connie! I'm your little candy man!"

Bobby

(When Connie referred to Bobby as 'just a friend) "Don't use the 'f' word on me, not me; This is your cuddle monster talking."

(To Bobby) "You shot her in the eye."

"Oh, gross! You licked it!" (runs off, Joseph puts down his drink)

Joseph

(to Bobby) "What are you doing? You're ruining my party." (takes Bobby's toy bow)

Bobby

(to Joseph) "What?! You wouldn't even be having this party if it wasn't for me. You'd just be sitting alone going, 'Dude, like, eh... I'm so bleah."

Joseph

"Come on. Get..." (tries to push Bobby out)

Bobby

"Watch it. You're pulling off the wings! Let go! I'm not leaving! I am not leaving unless Connie leaves with me." (Bobby now gets in, trying to hold his grip onto the couch.)

Joseph

(as he and the boys grab Bobby) "Come on. One, two, three. Get him. Get him." (Clark Peters lifts his fingers, carry him, and throw him over the fence, cheering. Bobby grunts)

Dale Gribble

I see the Buffalo, I see the Indian! (slows down) I am the Indian. (snoring)

Hank Hill

(groans) Dang it.

Joseph Gribble

Dad, where the Hell are you? DAD!

Bobby Hill

Your dad's not coming. He's rolling around on the ground and eating bark and my dad is screaming, "Dang it!" a lot.

Joseph Gribble

This trip is so... SUCKS! You know what the land is tell me? WRECK STUFF!

Bobby Hill

What are YOU DOING?!? THAT'S YOUR DAD'S SLEEPING BAG!

Joseph Gribble

HA! HA! LOOK AT IT BURN!

Dale

Joseph, listen to me. This may be my last opportunity to tell you this. I know you know a thing or two about sex. You're old enough, and you often forget to delete your Internet history. But you just know the physical stuff. Sex is also mental. And you're too young to handle those emotions. That's why I think you should wait.

Joseph

[to the board] My dad is not crazy.

Uh, yeah, he is. According to the State of Texas.

Dale

[dragged away] Please, son, save your precious flower!

Joseph

Hey, were you mad at me earlier?

Bobby

No. Why?

Joseph

Because this afternoon, you texted me, "Joseph, we need to talk." Period.

Bobby

So periods are angry. No man, I just wanted to tell you that Connie came into the restaurant today.

Joseph

No way! To see you?

Bobby

She was on a date, uh, with Chane.

Joseph

Oh Bobby. Did you freak out? Did you scream at him? Did you slap Connie's name out of his mouth?

Bobby

I was actually really mature about the whole thing, 'cause truth is, I really just want Connie and I to be friends.

Joseph

[unconvinced] Uh-huh...

Bobby

[gets a text] It's her!

Joseph

Connie? What's it say?

Bobby

"It was really great to see you today." Period. "Karaoke tomorrow night?" Question mark?

Joseph

Oh-ho! Sounds like she's got Bobby on the brain! Maybe you still got a shot.

Bobby

Nah, I bet Chane's going too.

Joseph

Dude, still! Say yes!

Bobby

Okay, okay. "Hello, Connie." Period- nope. "It would be my honor to-"

Joseph

[scoffs and takes Bobby's phone] I'll do it. Bobby, you text like AI.

Bobby

The rules are confusing!

You can't bring a horse into our garage. Get rid of it by tomorrow, or I'm going to evict you.

Joseph

Our upstairs neighbor has a dog!

You have a HORSE! And it just shat all over my wife's Ford Focus!