Buck Strickland quotes from King of the Hill

Got-dangit Hank, I'm having an infarction!

No coincidence. I like to hump, I like to eat, and I don't like to drive.

Miz Liz! Two hot toddies!

Listen up, we are a family, and the daddy ain't feeling so good. Ladies, I got a shot coming. If you girls would please step outside? It is rude for such pretty gals like you to have to see my bare bottom.

OK, now that the skirts are out in the hallway we can get down to business. Hank, you are my right hand man, and I need you to take on this important job.

Hank

Yes, sir?

I need you to feed my hounds.

Hank

Uh, sir?

Tell them that you will love them! Vickers, you run the company, whole shebang.

Yes, sir!

Let's see what that fancy business school degree of yours is worth.

Hank

Sir, I fail to see what a business degree has over my 15 years of service to Strickland Propane!

I let you light the torch, didn't I? Right now my hounds are starving!

You don't know me, I am unknowable.

The law says that if we catch someone doing drugs on the job, we can fire him. So here is what you do: Put on your best suit, hop a Greyhound to Dallas, buy every pill, pipe, and powder you can, then return here and spread the stuff around like roach traps. We will get that boy hooked again!

Hank Hill

All due respect, sir, I have a better plan.

Anthony Page

Hello Mr. Hill, I came as fast as I could. From the tone of your phone call it sounded like you had fallen victim to some kind of disability. Tell me all about it.

Hank

Yes, I too have realized I suffer from a disability. It is known as GWS, or Good Worker Syndrome. I believe doing a full day's work and giving 110%, and get sick to my stomach I don't see everybody else doing the same. The symptoms include pride, enthusiasm, and a feverish devotion to duty. Used to be a common condition among Americans.

Anthony

Ugh! People like you who game the system make it hard for the rest of us, the truly disabled. Anthony holds up hand to show he is wearing a wrist brace, likely associated with carpal tunnel I am leaving. Call me if you gives you any more trouble, Leon.

Don't call me Leon any more. That was the name I used drugs with. From now on, I want to be known as...Hank Hill.

Hank Hill

What?! No, that is going too far; I cannot accommodate that.

Anthony

It is not up to you, Hank, it is up to "Hank". This man is not your slave, you do not get to name him!

Hank

I hate to do this but you leave me no choice. Sir, I quit!

What do I do now?

Hot dang, Hank, you have done it!

Why, thank you sir.

Not you, you are fired. Leon gasps, as does Anthony, who is now powerless. Buck turns on lights OK, listen up everyone. Strickland is now small enough to skirt the law. Y'all get back to work this instant or you are fired. Loafing employees get themselves in gear; including Debbie, whose rear end was facing everyone when she was lying on a couch Oh no, not you Debbie. Your job is to stay right where you are.

Hank

Got-dang it! Kahn, that does it! I'm gonna kick your ass!

Hank Hill

You need to learn how to treat customers with respect and stop calling me a dang monkey!

ACK! Mr. Strickland, help me!

Damn it Hank, what the hell is your problem? Leave him alone!

Hank

I am sorry sir, but I cannot take this any more. I left Jeans West to work for one of the most admired businessmen in Heimlich County. Not for some lazy idiot who does not know what he is doing.

If I do not know what I am doing, how come I am one who mortgaged his house to buy this place? How come you are working for me?

Hank

Not any more I am not.

Hank, I hope you know that Scrubby's is part of the Strickland family. You quit this, you are quitting Strickland.

Hank

If you say so, sir.

Who need him? He not know how to double up on dreams. That is my secret to success.

Not bad. But I got my own little success secret: never kill the golden goose. Kahn, a business thrives on customer relations and back-breaking hard work, and that's the guy who gives it to you. Hank is the golden goose.

Gotdog! Ray Roy! Now, I hope you got two girls in there! [Buck runs into the room and finds Ray Roy in bed with Ms. Scovall]

What the... ?! I told you to stand in line! You didn't stand in line, boy.

Hell, Daddy, that line was moving too slow. I just had to do cutsies.

Cut... Why you son of a... [Buck jumps on the bed and he and Ray Roy start fighting]

Hank

[overhears them in the hall] Oh No.

[She's cheering on Buck and Ray Roy as they're fighting] Yeah. Yeah. Woo hoo.

[Buck is choking Ray Roy] Ow. [Ray Roy then throws him to the ground]

Hank

[Hank walks into the room. I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!

Oh, Hank, we were just letting off a little steam.

Hank

I have tried with all my might to save you from yourself, Mr. Strickland. Well, not anymore. You're on your own. You should be ashamed of yourselves. And that includes you, Ms. Scovall. You have not honored propane.

He's right. I should be ashamed of myself. But I never am.

Son, what's the bad part of Memphis called?

Memphis!

Mr. Hill, your guilt hardly seems to be an issue. So we can move right on to the punishment phase, which, as a preview, will be severe.

Hank Hill

Indeed sir, I cannot begin to say how sorry I am.

Hello? Buck? Well, we are in the middle of a hearing...Like the one in 1984? Consortium members perk up OK then! hangs up Gentlemen, that was Buck Strickland. His "hospitality suite" is open.

Like the one in 84?

Mr. Hill, the board needs to adjourn to...uh, caucus about your case. You stay put.

Hank Hill

I will not move a muscle.

I am in my third term as President of the Propane Gas Consortium. Prostitute giggles

Peggy

All propane men make mistakes sometimes, including your husbands.

Well, now that everyone's got a pretty girl on his lap, I would like to discuss leniency for my employee, Hank Hill.

Setup! Everybody run!

Ray Roy, lock the door.

Now, you are all reasonable men. I think surely you can find forgiveness in your heart for old Hank, and it would be good to do it before your wives get here.

You win, Buck.

Get their hair done.

Mr. Hill, we had a chance to go over the case with your employer, Buck Strickland. He convinced us that while your actions last night were wrong; you are contrite about it, and that your actions over the past twenty years more than atone for it. He was very persuasive. As a result, the board has unanimously approved Mr. Strickland's nomination for membership in the Propane Hall of Flame.

Hank Hill

I am in the Hall of Flame too?

Congratulations, Hank.

Hank Hill

Thank you!

No, thank you, Ol' Top. All of propane owed you a debt.